I gently pulled her hands away from my waist and returned them to her chest. Then I took a step back. “That’s not why I’m here. Jackson told me you were going through a hard time, and I just wanted to see if you were okay.”
She dropped her hands to her sides, limp. “I’m not okay, Cal. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay.”
Sympathy and annoyance burned inside me. I could spit back the words she said to me a year ago, but that would make me a dick so I didn’t. “Is there anything I can do to make this easier?”
She crossed her arms over her chest, looking unnaturally thin. “No.”
I remained in my spot by the door, knowing that wasn’t the end of it even though she pretty much just excused me. “I will stay away from Ruin for a while so you don’t bump into me.”
“I’m not going there anyway.”
“I can set you up with someone. With a Dom who can give you what you need.”
“Cal, I don’t want anyone else. Don’t you get it?”
“Well, you can’t have me.” I wasn’t going to baby her because it wouldn’t make it easier for her. She had to understand there was no hope for us getting back together. If I didn’t squash that tiny possibility, she would keep pushing.
Her eyes widened at my harshness.
“We agreed on what this was going to be from the beginning. It’s not my fault you wanted something more. It’s not my fault you thought it would turn into something different. I’m sorry I hurt you. Really. But frankly, you need to get over it.”
“You wouldn’t be here right now unless you cared about me.”
“Caring is one thing. Loving someone is another. I don’t love you, Isabella. Not you or anyone on this planet.” She must have mistaken my kisses and touches for something more. I was never gentle with her except when we were finished. Perhaps I should have broken her more, shattered her more.
“Not even your new whore?” She stressed the last word as hard as she could, insulting someone she didn’t even know.
“Don’t be ugly, Isabella. You can say and do whatever you want, but nothing is going to change. Acting this way is only pushing me further away. If you were sane, you would understand that.”
“This is hard for me, okay? How would you feel if I left because I found another Dom I wanted more?”
“I would let you walk away.” If she wanted her freedom, I would have given it to her. I wouldn’t have done a single thing to hold her back. I would swallow my pride at her rejection and let it go. “After our year together, I thought you would do the same for me. I never loved you, but I did trust you. You were my friend. I don’t understand why you’re trying to hurt me like this.”
“You broke my trust when you left me for another woman.”
“I said I wouldn’t cheat on you. And I kept my word.”
“So you say,” she sneered.
“Why would I lie?” I demanded. “If I fucked someone else, I would tell you. I have nothing to hide and no reason to be untrue. I saw this woman, fell hard, and then came clean about it. I don’t know what it is about her that’s got me so hard up, but there’s something. I’m not going to pretend it’s not going on and act like I’m not thinking about her when I’m with you. It happened, alright? I can’t change the past, and I can’t ignore it. It is what it is. Now be a big girl and get over it.”
My speech only heightened her anger. “The bottom line is we would still be together if she hadn’t walked into that bar—and we both know it.”
“You’re right. But it would have only lasted so long, Isabella. One day, I would have grown tired of you and left. That’s the cold, hard truth, and you know it. So don’t blame her for this. I’m the one who chose to leave—so blame me.”
6
Calloway
I arrived at the restaurant half an hour early and reserved a quiet table in the back. Candles glowed on the tablecloth, and a small vase of roses sat as the centerpiece. I didn’t do dinner, romance, and flowers—but I would do it for her.
It would take some time to open her up and get her to consider my offer. Since I was a renowned figure in the community, I couldn’t afford to have her blab the truth of my ways to the public. It would ruin my reputation and shame the organization I’d spent the last seven years building. The people who would suffer the most were those in need—including my employees.
She arrived right on time and found me sitting in the back. I rose to greet her, wearing slacks and a dark blue collared shirt. I skipped the tie and the jacket because that was much too formal for me. I avoided wearing a suit as often as possible—way too stiff and thick.