ROBYN
Every year since my parents died I did what I’d always done on Christmas Eve… I shared a hot chocolate with them and told them what was going on in my life. This year I told them about my new job and the fact that I’d already been promoted to an executive position; I was really proud of that and I knew they would be too. Thinking about how proud of me they would be was what got me through college with a 4.0 GPA even after they’d passed away. I learned to work hard by watching them and by basking in the encouraging words they always had for me. My hard work was paying off for me now and I had my parents to thank for that and I liked to come to the cemetery and tell them so.
My mother was a housewife and mother, but she excelled at it. So much so that it made me really upset when I’d hear anyone say, “I’m just a housewife “or “She doesn’t work.” My mother worked from sun-up to sundown making our home warm and happy. I rarely saw her sit down unless we were having family time. I had an amazing childhood and her efforts were a huge part of that. I also learned from her that hard work didn’t always produce immediate results, but it was the long term payoff that really counted. The other part of my amazing childhood was my Daddy. He wasn’t home a lot during the week because he worked so hard to provide for us. But when he was home, he was there a hundred percent. He sat down every evening and talked to me about my day. Sometimes, if he thought I might find it interesting, he would tell me about his. Then at night after I went to bed I would hear him talk to my mother about hers. On the weekends we all shared our meals and did something as a family usually on Saturday and then on Sunday we went to church together and we’d all cook dinner as a family. It was picture perfect and the only truly bad thing that ever happened to me was a plane crash when I was nineteen years old that took my parents from me. It took me a year of grieving before I realized something: The crash had only taken their bodies from me. I still had their spirits. Although I missed seeing them, I could feel them in my own heart… in my very soul most of the time.
After I told them about my job this Christmas Eve, I told them about Aaron. I suppose that he’s not mine to tell about, but somehow he’d made his way into my heart and I can’t seem to let him go. I told them how handsome he was, and how smart and when he wasn’t trying so hard to be serious, how much fun he can be. He hurt me, the night of the party when he walked away, but I still can’t let my hopes for him go. I told them that too. I had a feeling they would be proud of that. They trusted my judgment when they were here, I’m sure that they still do.
Aaron may not have kissed me that night, but I can feel how he feels about me. I might be thought crazy by some to tolerate that behavior and still have feelings for him and hope to cultivate more. But like I told Max, I think something happened to him around Christmas time and now he’s just afraid. I think all he needs is a little help to get past that. He needs someone that he can trust and depend on to teach him that there is so much more to life than a boardroom.
When I left the cemetery that day, I dropped off one of my Santa gifts. I still did the Santa thing, in memory of my Dad. This one was the last one on my list. I hoped he liked it.
I went home then and finished wrapping a few more gifts that I would give to my friends on Boxing Day. After I finished wrapping up my gifts, my cat, Mr. Pibbs and I had our dinner and then I put on pajamas and sat down to watch television for a while. I was knitting some hats and scarves for my friends to go with the gifts I’d bought them. I was also making a little hat and booties for John’s babies. They were so cute I couldn’t wait to see them in them. I worked on them while I watched Christmas movies. I was thinking about going to bed around nine when I saw that “It’s a Wonderful Life” was coming on. It was a movie that my parents and I watched together on Christmas Eve every year when I was growing up. I think I was the only little girl in my second grade class who had a clue who James Stewart and Donna Reed were.
Instead of going to bed, I made cookies while I waited for the movie to come on. I used the same recipe that my mother used to use. Like I’d told Aaron that day, they were the best cookies in the world. When they were done, Mr. Pibbs had his special treat and I had my warm, gooey cookies and we watched the movie together. I was glued to it as if this wasn’t the twenty-sixth year in a row I’d watched it and I cried at the end like I always do. No matter how many times I’d seen it, Clarence getting his wings was a beautiful thing.
When it was over and I could stop crying I cleaned up after myself and headed into my room for bed. Once I was tucked in, I thought about my parents and I cried again, finally crying myself to sleep at last.