“I’m going to bed,” Wes mumbles and heads to his room. I close my laptop and go to my own room feeling disgusted with myself. Slipping out of my clothes I take a cold shower, thinking I might be able to somehow wash myself clean, to get rid of the nasty feeling coating my skin, but of course it wouldn’t be that easy. You can’t wash away the things I’ve done, the demons that haunt me.
After the shower, I dry off and lie down in bed, but I can’t sleep, and it’s not from the lack of trying. I’m beat. Frustrated, I check the time, and realize I’ve been in bed for over an hour and somehow, I’m nowhere closer to going to sleep. I slam my fists down on the sheets in defeat. It’s her, it has to be. I can’t sleep because I’m consumed with thoughts of her.
Pulling on a pair of shorts, I walk out to the elevator and push the level three button. I don’t even think about what I’m doing. The elevator descends two levels and the door slides open with a ding that echoes loudly through the empty hallway. I walk to the end of the corridor and open the cell door. I don’t even know why I’m here. I’m sure she would prefer being left alone to being near one of us. But on the off chance she would rather sleep upstairs, I’m going to give her the option.
She’s still curled up on the floor, the same way she was when I checked the feed last. She doesn’t move when I take a step closer, and like a lion hunting the antelope, I want to yell, tell her to be afraid. Only when I crouch down right next to her sleeping form, do her eyes flutter open.
Surprisingly, she doesn’t look at me as if she’s afraid like I had anticipated. Her eyes are full of a number of emotions, but sadness reflects far more than fright.
“You want to come and sleep upstairs?” I ask.
Her eyes light up briefly, but it’s enough to know that she wants to even before she whispers, “Yes.”
At her word, I slide my arms under her and pick her up, blanket and all. I carry her down the hall and into the elevator, where I put her down and make her stand so I can put the code in and scan in my fingerprint. When we get to the fifth level, I pick her back up and carry her to Wes’s room.
He stirs in bed as soon as I open his door and step inside, but looking at his face, even in the dim light, I know he wasn’t asleep. He doesn’t say anything, just slides over to one side of the bed when I deposit her into the middle of the mattress, and I’m thankful for that. I don’t have it in me to argue tonight, not after that email, or the video. I slide in next to her and cover us both up with the blanket.
Jessa snuggles into the blanket between my brother and me. She must really hate being in the cell if she prefers to sleep here with us, her enemies. I look at her out of the corner of my eye. She actually looks comfortable and it doesn’t take long for her breathing to even out, and shortly after that when I’m certain she’s fallen back asleep, I do too. All while wondering how the hell we’re going to continue doing this to an innocent in this evil war.
∞∞∞
Blinking my eyes open the next morning and the first thing I see is a set of big blue eyes staring back at me. Jessa is on her side, her hands tucked under her pillow, watching me like a hawk. I’m not sure what to think about her watching me sleep. At first, I think it’s fucked up, but then I realize that there isn’t anything else she could be doing. It’s not like she can get up and start making breakfast. She’s not a normal guest in this house. She’s our captive, our enemy, the one thing standing between us and the information we seek.
What a fucking mess.
“Thank you,” she whispers, and I shake my head letting the emotions inside me linger. It doesn’t matter which way I look at this, she’s innocent, and though she’s done nothing wrong, she’s paying for her father’s sins, his crimes. We can’t let her go, but we can’t keep her either. Her fate’s already been sealed, when all of this is over, she’s as good as dead.
“Don’t thank us yet, we haven’t even gotten to the best part of our plan.” My stomach churns as I look over at Wes who is now sitting up in bed. Jessa’s previously peaceful demeanor has now turned into panic and strangely it turns me on to see a spark of fear in her eyes, even though the thought of actually hurting her has me in knots. She’s so fucking innocent, so sweet, it makes me want to dirty her up, to taint her.