Suddenly, the full implications of their actions seemed to settle on his shoulders and he felt older, more tired and more disgusted with himself than he’d been in years.
Whatever his intentions, he’d made things harder for Zoey. He should have just insisted she talk to David, like any normal person would if they were having doubts the night before their wedding. Like Grace would have persuaded her to do.
Why hadn’t he? Was Benji right? Had he wanted Zoey for himself?
He’d never really thought about Zoey that way until yesterday. She was Grace’s friend, so would have been completely off-limits even if he hadn’t been totally in love with his wife. But when Grace was alive he’d never looked beyond her—he hadn’t needed or wanted to. She’d been his world.
And since his world had come crashing down around him, romance had honestly been the last thing on his mind. Even if it hadn’t, he doubted he would have even considered Zoey a possibility.
She was his friend. His best friend. Possibly his only friend.
It had taken some pretty extreme circumstances to get him to see beyond that. To look at her in the light of the storm and really see her—wild and free and stubborn and so, so beautiful. Someone who trusted him to help her, who could laugh with him even when everything was falling apart.
And now? What was she now?
Still his friend, he hoped.
And she was right. They had to forget everything that had happened on the island.
Because back here in the real world, with David waiting on the dock, Ash could see at last the answer Zoey hadn’t given him on the island—the real reason they couldn’t carry this on.
She wanted a happily-ever-after marriage—she wanted for ever. And he’d already given his away with his heart.
He loved Zoey, of course he did. She was family, practically. And he wanted her—that much was obvious after last night.
But neither of those things added up to what Zoey wanted from her future. Not to mention that he had no idea if she’d even want him to feature in that future.
He had to let her go so she could find the true love she was looking for. However much his selfish heart wanted to keep her for himself.
They hadn’t talked about the repercussions of their actions before they took them. If they had, they’d probably never have even kissed. Overthinking things was a definite passion-killer.
Except...oh, God. There was definitely one thing that they should have talked about before sleeping together. Ash hadn’t thought beyond making sure that Zoey was happy with what they were doing.
He hadn’t thought about protection at all, too overcome with lust to remember even that basic necessity.
Probably because he hadn’t needed to, for years. Two years of celibacy had been preceded by Grace being pregnant or them trying. And even before that Grace had been on the Pill, and they’d both been tested and clean. He hadn’t thought about contraceptives since he was a teenager.
And he couldn’t think about them right now. He had to focus on getting Zoey through the next twenty-four hours first.
Most of all, she needed to get through this latest wedding breakdown with her sanity intact, and without ruining her reputation more than ever. A runaway bride was one thing. A cheating runaway bride was another. Plus, there were the practicalities to consider—she was living with David, had given up her flat last year. So where was she planning on going?
‘Look, Benji. Here’s the full story, okay? Zoey had cold feet. She wanted to get away from here to think, so I took her out on the boat. A storm came up so we sheltered in a half-renovated villa my company owns. It was dusty, dirty and the least romantic place you can imagine.’ And yet... ‘This morning we waited for a rescue boat as ours had been damaged in the storm. Then we came back so that Zoey could talk to David. It was as simple and as boring as that. Okay?’
All true—except for the major omissions. But Benji had no right to that information anyway, so Ash didn’t feel too guilty about keeping it from him.
‘That’s really all?’ Benji asked, his tone both doubtful and disappointed.
Ash gave a sharp nod. ‘Now, if you don’t mind, I am in desperate need of a shower.’
He brushed past the best man, heading for his room and hoping that hot water could wash away memories.