“You okay, son?” Startled, I turn around at my father’s voice, he’s standing right behind me.
Jesus. When did he get up?
“I’m fine,” I lie, before taking a sip of my beer.
“She looks a lot like her,” he points out the obvious. “That can’t be easy for you.”
“Yeah, not so much, but it is what it is.” Shit, I sound like an asshole.
“So, you’re not fine?”
“No, but I will be. Don’t worry about me, pops.” I try to smile, but my lips won’t work.
“Hard not to worry about you when you’re the kindest of your brothers, and your behavior right now isn’t something I’ve ever seen before.”
I shrug, “I don’t really know what’s going on. Ever since Lily walked into my office, things have changed. I’m moody and angry… so angry.” I squeeze the glass bottle in my hands.
“If you want to talk about it, you know I’m here. I’m not going to make ya but remember what happened with your brother and Jules. Feelings build, pain turns into anger which is where you are right now. Don’t be that guy. Don’t let it build up.” I nod, acknowledging what he says, but saying nothing in return. He’s warning me like I’m the problem in all of this. I didn’t come trapezing into her life looking like her long-lost love.
Lily’s soft voice carries into my ears as she takes a seat in the living room besides Jules. They talk while I drink, trying my best to drown myself in the bottom of this bottle. Dad walks back out into the living room, while I remain in the kitchen watching from a distance as my family welcomes her with open arms.
Now I know how Rem felt when I brought Jules here without asking him first. I guess payback is a bitch, huh?
Rem and Dad drill her with questions; like what she’s been up to, how her grandparents are, what she’s studying. Things of that nature. It’s nauseating to hear her spew all these wonderful things about her life.
Stop, Sebastian. Stop being a douchebag.
It’s wrong, deep down, I know it’s wrong to be angry with her, but I can’t help it. It’s like something inside of me has snapped, and all the ugly, dark pieces I’ve swallowed down over the years are leaking out. I can feel Rem watching me, and I do my best to ignore his cynical gaze.
Tipping my beer back, I let out a grunt of disapproval when nothing comes out. Guess I’ve drunk it all. My body itches for more alcohol, but I don’t grab another beer. Instead, I lean against the counter and stare off into space. A moment later, Rem gets up from the couch and enters the kitchen plucking a chip from a bowl on the counter.
“Why the depressed face?”
“Not depressed.”
Rem smirks, “No, you’re just in a sour as fuck mood. Any particular reason why?”
My eyes turn to slits, it’s not often I want to slug my brother, but right now, I would love to. “No reason at all. I mean it couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that you made me pick her up, then there’s the little tidbit of inviting her without even talking to me first.”
He shrugs, “How was I supposed to know you would be so butthurt about it. I figured you would like having her around.” Idiot.
“Like having the spitting image of my dead girlfriend sitting in the same room as me.” I mock, and give him a fake smile, “Totally excited, just bursting at the seams with joy over it.”
Rem taps his chin, his lips curling into a smug grin, “This kind of reminds me of a similar situation. Remember when you didn’t ask me when you invited Jules?”
“Don’t act like that,” I hiss, my fist clenching without thought, “this isn’t even remotely the same circumstance, and if this is some sick twisted way of you getting back at me…” My voice trails off. I don’t finish because I’m not sure what I would do. Nothing. There is nothing that I can do. If it wasn’t for her being here, I wouldn’t be in such a shitty mood. She’s a permanent reminder of what I lost, and I hate it.
“It’s not. I’m not an asshole.” Rem smirks, adding, “Most of the time.”
“Then why invite her?” Feeling like a cunt for even asking.
He shoves another chip into his mouth, “Her and Jules were friends, plus her whole family used to be close to ours. Not to mention that Lily lost her family the same way Jules lost her father and brother. I mean they’ve both lost everything. Have you ever thought about that? About how much she lost that day? I know you lost too, but Lily lost a sister, her father, and her mother.” There’s a brief pause, and I know what he’s trying to do, trying to break through my senses, but what he doesn’t know is that I know all these things already. I feel them. I feel Lily’s pain. It surrounds me.