After I finally snap out of the trance-like state I’m in, I pull out my phone and check the time. Sebastian shouldn’t be home for another two hours. I contemplate calling Jules and Delilah to come and pick me up to take me to the store but decide against it.
I might not have a car here, but there is a little corner store within walking distance, and I’m hoping they have a pregnancy test there. I’ll try that first before bothering anyone. Plus, I don’t know if I’m actually pregnant or not. It could be nothing more than a scare, and I would hate to bother someone for something like that.
Ten minutes later, I’m dressed and out the door, speed walking down the sidewalk to my destination. I enter the store, and the bell above me chimes loudly.
“Hello,” a middle-aged woman greets me with a big smile.
“Hi,” I murmur, lowering my head. I don’t know why, but I suddenly feel like a teenager buying condoms and lube.
“Can I help you, dear?” the lady asks.
“Mhm… no, I’m just looking around.” Ugh, this is ridiculous. “Actually, I’m looking for a pregnancy test,” I admit.
“Okay, that’s aisle five, next to the pads and tampons.”
“Thank you,” I say and give her a thankful smile. Making my way to aisle five, I pass a woman pushing a cart. There is a little boy sitting in the cart, he eyes me curiously and then smiles a toothless grin.
I can’t help but smile in return. My thoughts swirl as I reach the aisle. Could I handle having a baby? Sebastian has mentioned wanting children, and while I want children as well, I think if this pregnancy test is negative, we need to sit down and discuss our future.
Stopping in front of the pregnancy tests, I scan the boxes. There are at least five different tests, some off-brand, and a few that say you can test ten days sooner. What does it all mean?
Maybe I should call Jules? She just found out she’s pregnant if anyone could tell me what test to get it would be her. Tapping my foot against the floor, I contemplate calling her, before deciding against it completely. Instead, I grab a couple different tests and walk up to the checkout. The lady who greeted me earlier checks me out without question, and I pay, telling her goodbye. On my way out, I spot the bathrooms and make a beeline for them, deciding to take the test here rather than at home.
My hands shake as I enter the stall and lock it behind me. Ripping open two of the boxes, I set the tests on the toilet paper box. Then I do my business peeing on each test before placing it back on its box. When I’m finished, I wash my hands and walk back into the stall, pacing the floor while I wait for the three minutes it says it takes for the test to work.
I’m a ball of nerves as I wait… what will Sebastian think? What if it’s negative? What happens then? My throat tightens as I stop pacing and walk back over to where the tests are sitting. Maybe I should’ve done this at home. I’m close to having a nervous breakdown, and the last thing I want is for someone to see me fall apart in the grocery store.
Reality crashes into me like a car hitting a brick wall as my gaze bounces back and forth between the two positive pregnancy tests.
One positive could still mean it’s wrong, but two, there is no way around it.
Bringing a hand to my racing heart, I try and calm myself. Thump, thump, thump. It feels like my heart is trying to take flight.
I’m pregnant. I’m having a baby. I’m having a baby with Sebastian Miller, and we aren’t married, and our relationship is brand new and… I force air into my lungs to stop myself from going into a full-blown panic attack.
Tears well in my eyes and my hand moves from my chest to my stomach as if out of instinct. Okay, I’m having a baby, we’re having a baby. Everything is going to be okay, everything. I’m terrified of what’s going to happen next, but that doesn’t mean I’m not filled with joy. There is a tiny little baby growing inside of me. A special piece of both Sebastian and I and there is nothing more precious than that.
For some reason, it hits me then, all of the pain over losing my family crashes into me, and suddenly it feels like I’ve lost them all over again. The wound pulsing and bleeding, as fresh as the day it happened. I wonder what my mother would think of me now. Would she be proud? Would my sister be happy that I found love, that Sebastian found love? I try not to dwell on what she would think, fear of disappointing her being my biggest fear.