“I’ll call when I’m ready to go, go get some coffee or something,” I said to the driver as I got out of the backseat.
“Yes, sir,” the driver said, sounding rather happy with this.
I gave him a twenty to assist in this endeavor, thinking of it more as a tip than straight up charity. Reece was right. It did feel good to give back. At least a bit. And not just as a way to get a tax receipt. Which was also a nice upside but not the only reason to help one’s fellow humans.
The limo eased out of the spot. Left to my own devices, I turned up the collar of my coat against the gathering chill and started the walk back to the brownstone. An interlude giving me ample time to run scenarios through my head about what might happen when I got there.
I had been asked to go but declined. I hadn’t been in the headspace to deal with all the drama that I was sure would ensue if I showed up. I wasn’t sure how Sally might react but there were several possibilities and many of them were far from pleasant. Not that I blamed her honestly. I had acted like a prick.
This was before Reece had come down to the office to talk some sense into me. I felt like a bit of a jerk for just showing up after saying no but still helped it would be okay. I knew Ava would be fine. She likely already knew that I was coming despite declining at first. Reece likely also wouldn’t be surprised. They were the two people who knew me better than anyone. Simon and Derek might bust my chops a bit but I can handle that. I’d have over fifteen years of practice. I’d reached a level of zen peace about it. It was almost fun in a weird way. I didn’t know how Maya might react. I knew her a bit but not well enough to really predict. Same with her friends Catharine and Amanda, who I had really just met recently.
Not that it mattered. Not really. Simon had recently put me on to a philosophy called ‘absurdism’, at least his own version of it, which basically came down to don’t sweat the small stuff with the proviso that 95% of existence fell under the category of small stuff. In the end there was only one person’s opinion that really mattered, at least in that particular context. It was a real weight of my mind to realize this.
Ava would love me no matter what and it was hardly the first time I had screwed up and Reece and Simon hadn’t ditched me. I was really only friends with Derek out of pity for him and suspected it was a similar situation for Reece and Simon. Everyone else was up in the air, including the only one who really mattered in the long run. Sally. Sweet, beautiful Sally who I had so brutally ghosted on scant motivation manufactured by someone I knew to be a psycho. If it was possible for me to hate Jessa more after what had happened with On the Go, I would. Though truth be told, I was almost past it. My hate burning so hot it had crossed over into intuitional oblivion. A mindset in which I Jessa ignored her very existence to the point that she may as well not exist. It might seem petty but I was really happy there.
There were cameras going in of course. Most buildings in that area of the city had security of some kind. Despite it also having one of the lowest crime rates in the state. There are some, of course, who would like to make a causal link between the two, which would be like brining against dinosaurs and when someone points out there are no dinosaurs saying it worked then.
It didn’t matter anyway though, like so much in life. Particularly when you know how to finger hack on smartphone through a VPN that allowed me to alter the mainframe as I walked over. Instead of me walking legally to the door of a house I had been invited to in glorious, hi-def black and white, the sterling paragons of professionalism on the security staff were being treated to a documentary on the dangers of surveillance.
Taking a deep, cleansing breath and hoping for the best but preparing for the worst, I raised my fist, as though in enthusiastic solidarity and rapt upon the chamber door. The seconds ticked by like tears and finally, I heard footsteps approaching.
“The fuck you doing here?”
“Nice to see you too Derek,” I said.
“Sorry, it’s invited guests only,” Derek said.
“I am an invited guest,” I pointed out.
“You didn’t RSVP,” Derek said smugly.
Some people might have wanted to hit him. I likely would have hit him at one point in my life. At that point however I was so over it and really felt sorry for him more than anything else.