He says how he feels and puts his middle finger up to the rest of the world if they don’t agree, which makes me wonder how he got someone as sweet as Ava.
Ava’s eyes move to me. “Ready to head out?”
I nod my head even though everything inside of me screams no. I would be perfectly fine staying home preferable with Clark, but I don’t say that. Instead, we all walk out together and get into Vance’s car, Clark and I slid into the back seat. Our hands remain joined the entire time which stops me from going into a full-blown panic attack.
As always, he must see my thoughts written all over my face, because he leans in and whispers in my ear, “It’s going to be okay, Em. I’ll be with you all night, right beside you, so far up your ass, you’ll be annoyed with me by the end of the night.”
“You better be,” I whisper back, averting my gaze to anywhere but his face. Every time he acts like this, so sweet, so perfect it hurts, I want to kiss him.
The ride to the party isn’t a long and before I even realize it, we are parked in front of some frat house at the edge of campus. A group of people are outside in the front yard smoking cigarettes, laughing, and drinking from red Solo cups.
Don’t think, I tell myself, because the moment I start thinking the moment I’ll try and talk myself out of going inside, and I didn’t come all this way for nothing.
Reluctantly, I force myself from the car, clutching onto Clark’s hand like I’m walking on a tightrope across shark-infested waters. We walk into the house with Vance and Ava leading the way. As soon as we step foot over the threshold, I feel all eyes on me. People are everywhere, looking me up and down, their gaze lingering on my hand in Clark’s. This is bad. Coming here with him was a bad idea. Driven by panic alone, I move even closer to him until my body is pushed up against his side. He doesn’t seem to care though, because he doesn’t pull away, or make an effort to put even an ounce of space between us.
My eyes flicker over the empty liquor bottles, and beer cans that seem to litter every surface of the place. I’m sure the house is gorgeous when it’s clean, if it’s ever clean. Doing my best to ignore everyone’s stares, I focus on my steps.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.
That’s how many steps it takes for us to enter the kitchen.
Vance grabs four cups off the marble island and starts to fill them with liquid. Clark lets go of my hand but only long enough to wrap his arms around me, pulling me deeper into his side. Snug against him, I feel safe, secure, like no one in this room can touch me.
“I’ve got you. Ignore the lingering looks. People aren’t used to seeing me with someone, but I don’t care what they think. All I care about is you.”
The stupid organ inside my chest starts to beat excessively and I wish he didn’t say things like that. Things that give me hope, that leave me longing for something more.
A moment later, Ava is handing me a cup, a soft smile on her lips, and a twinkle in her eyes. Peering down into the cup I take note of the contents… it’s a bubbly, cherry looking drink, and when I sniff it my nose wrinkles, the smell of vodka is pungent. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Vance handing Clark a cup, but he shakes his head, his hold on me tightening.
“Don’t be a pussy, Clark, it’s one drink. It’ll help you mellow out a little.”
“Did I just hear Clark is a pussy?” Some guy walks up to us snickering. There is a beautiful blonde girl on his arm, smiling at me warmly. I don’t think I ever instantly liked someone before, but for some reason I do her.
“Rem, what up? Come join me for a drink.” Vance waves him close. “And yes, you heard right… Clark is being a pussy. Won’t even have one drink with us.”
Guilt gnaws at my insides. I don’t want him not to have fun or not drink because of me. I don’t want him to have to change because of me. The reasons why he and I being together will never work keep stacking up, and no longer am I able to ignore them.
“It’s fine, take the drink, Clark,” I urge him, and he stares down at me with indecision in his eyes, a battle taking place in his mind, seconds tick by before he makes a choice and takes the cup from Vance.
“One drink, that’s it.” He directs his words to Vance though his eyes are still on me. “This is Rem and his girl, Jules,” Clark introduces them. “Guys, this is Emerson, my girlfriend.”