They fooled me, convinced me to come to family dinner knowing damn well that Jules would be here. My jaw tightens, my teeth grinding together as I nod my head. Having her here brings back memories, memories I longed to forget a million times over.
While she moved on with her life somewhere new…I was forced to relive every fucking little moment, every kiss, whimper, every smile, and tear. I was forced to relive the pain of what she had done, every single day inside the walls of this house.
“Where is my girl?” My father shoves from the recliner and walks through the living room and to the foyer where she’s standing with Sebastian. As soon as she sees his towering frame, she’s running toward him, wrapping her arms around his middle. He picks her up and hugs her like he always did, her feet dangling off the floor.
“Papa!!” she calls out. “I can’t breathe.” A soft chuckle emits from my father’s throat and he places her back down on her feet. My father is built like a brick house, his frame looming over Jules’ much smaller one. I’m positive some days that’s the only thing we got from him – our statures and our determination to never give up.
“How’s my sweet girl doing? You’ve grown so much in three years!” Excitement riddles my father’s voice. “Let me look at you.” He releases her just so he can look at her face again. His features turn from elation to sadness in an instant.
I can see him reminiscing of how it used to be. He always loved Jules, she was the daughter he never had. He loved having her come over, that’s why he never said anything even though he knew she was sneaking in at night.
Most parents wouldn’t allow a boy and girl to sleep in the same room, or spend as much time together as Jules and I did, but my father knew I wouldn’t hurt her or take advantage of her. He knew that I was feeling deeper things for her. We never talked about girls, but that’s because there was nothing to talk about.
It was always Jules, always.
“I’m so sorry about what happened to Jackson and your father…so sorry Jules,” he tells her, his voice almost shaking with emotion. “If there is anything I can ever do for you…anything you ever need, I’m always here, okay?”
Jules nods, wrapping her slim arms around his middle again. Dread and guilt consume me in an instant. This is what normal people do. This is what she needed when her brother and father died, comfort, compassion, someone to care about her.
She tried to hug me the first day she saw me, and I pushed her away. I made her feel even worse, I kicked her when she was down, when she was grieving the loss of the two people she loved most.
“I’m holding up. Right now, it’s mainly learning to deal with them not being here anymore. Dad’s life insurance policy paid for the funerals and left me with enough money to finish college. He was so excited about me going to college, I knew I couldn’t just drop out.” She smiles, but it’s filled with sadness.
“Well, if you need anything else, you know where to go. Our door is always open for you. Always.” He presses a kiss to her forehead, and I squeeze the beer bottle in my hand.
I’m such a fucking asshole. I should just punch myself in the face for treating her the way I did.
“Thanks, Papa.” She releases him and takes a step back, swiping at her eyes.
Is she crying?
“Alright, it’s dinner time.” My father claps his hands together. Sebastian is already in the kitchen sampling the tacos I helped my father make.
Dad turns and walks toward the kitchen giving me a knowing look, one that all but says do something stupid and I’ll beat your ass all over this house. But what he doesn’t know is there isn’t any fight left in me, not when it comes to her. I won’t hurt her, not ever again.
Jules stands there for a long moment, and I can’t bring myself to look away from her. She’s still her and I’m still me, but we’re miles and miles apart from being the same people we used to be and the realization of that hurts, it hurts so fucking bad.
“Come on,” I urge her, taking a sip of my beer, before nodding toward the kitchen.
“I’m sorry…I wasn’t…” she starts, but I press a finger to my lips. She still hasn’t moved, every fear and emotion she’s feeling painted onto her features.
“Not tonight, Jules. Tonight we pretend we didn’t lose each other. That you didn’t break my heart into a million pieces, and that I didn’t hurt you back.”
She nods and I can see the tears glistening in her eyes. She’s hurting, falling apart and I can’t stop myself from walking over to her. I can’t stop myself from grabbing her hand, from holding it in mine.