“Let me see your hands,” I ask her, but she still doesn’t move. I don’t like this. Her not moving or talking. It makes my stomach hurt, but most importantly, it makes me want to get back in my car, go find James and make good on ending his life.
That fucker… forcing air into my lungs, I calm myself.
Taking a seat next to her on the bed, I grab hold of each hand, inspecting the palms. They are just as bad as her knees, maybe even worse.
Fuck, who knew scrapes could look this bad.
“I’m gonna take your shirt off before I clean these,” I tell her, and she nods. Well, that’s progress. A nod is better than no response. I help her out of her shirt, taking her bra off while I’m at it. I cover her up with my blanket before she can get cold, and leave her hands out, resting on top of the comforter.
Then I repeat the whole cleaning and wrapping process on her hands. When I’m done with that, I slip out of my own clothes and slide into the bed next to her. She shudders when I pull her closer, but immediately after, she cuddles into my side, snuggling so deep I think she’s trying to disappear.
“Can I stay with you?” she asks after a moment of silence.
“Of course.” Does she think I’m about to kick her out and make her go back to her place after everything that happened tonight? I’m a bastard, but I’m not completely heartless.
“I… I… don’t just mean today,” she mumbles, her voice wrapped up in sleep, the same way my arms are wrapped around her.
It takes me a moment for her words to make sense in my mind. She isn’t asking to stay the night, she’s asking to stay for good, like move in. The thought is both exciting and shocking. I know she is just saying this because she is in shock. No way would she ask to stay if she was in her right mind. Not after everything I’ve done, everything she’s said to me. I’m the last person she would come to for comfort or protection.
“You don’t mean that. You’re just vulnerable and scared right now. Go to sleep.”
“I mean it…” She whispers, and I tuck her in a little closer to my chest.
“Okay, let’s talk about it in the morning,” I say softly. It’s the softest I’ve spoken to her in years. With Harper in my arms, my heart can finally ease to a normal rhythm, and when I close my eyes, sleep easily finds me. At least for tonight, I’ll pretend like the woman I’ve loved since I was a kid is mine.
When I wake up, Harper is no longer curled up next to me. She’s now sprawled out on top of me like I’m the mattress. With her head on my chest, her small body blankets mine, and I can’t remember the last time I woke up feeling so content.
I lean down and kiss the top of her head, smelling the sweet scent of her shampoo. Her breath fans out against my skin evenly, and her eyes remain closed. I could watch her sleep like this all day, and I might. There is something so peaceful about having her here with me.
As I lie here, my eyes glued to the woman on top of me, I wonder if I could ever forgive her. Until now, the thought seemed outrageous. How could I ever forget what she did? But in the last twelve hours, I’ve realized like never before, how much of a hold she still has on me.
Will I ever be done with her? I don’t think so, and if that’s the case, what is our future going to look like if I don’t forgive her?
My thoughts are interrupted when she stirs. Her body rubs against me like a kitten, her leg skimming over my already hardened cock. I’ve been hard for hours, aching with need, by watching her sleep. It gave me more satisfaction than anything else has before.
Opening her hazel eyes, she lifts her head from my chest and looks up at me. Then she lowers her head again, turning it so I can’t see her expression. She buries her face back into my chest. Like it could save her from me.
“You regret what you asked me last night?”
“No, I do want to stay here.”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“I need to hear you say it out loud.”
She lifts her head again, and this time she stares me straight in the eyes. “Because it doesn’t matter how much you act like a monster, or how badly you treat me. I still want you. And even though you’ve done a lot of shit to me, I still feel safe with you, and I know how fucked up that is. So, you don’t have to rub it in my face. But it doesn’t change anything. I want you, no matter what. Is that what you want to hear?”