I shook my head, miserable, looking off into the distance. Outside was so beautiful, the pure blue of the sky melding with the tops of green trees. I’d never take that for granted again, the sunshine and wind, the freedom to be who I wanted.
“I can’t explain,” came my low voice. “It’s too complicated.”
He leapt into movement then, that big body pacing back and forth, wearing a trail in the rug.
“You have to snap out of this,” came a desperate growl. “You can’t do this. You can’t do this to yourself, it’s destructive and harmful. Did you see those fuckers? Locking you up like an animal, pumping you full of drugs until you were confused as shit. I’m gonna bring that place down,” he raged, eyes furious and mouth pulled tight. “Those fuckers have seen their last days.”
My eyes dropped to my hands again, thin and pale, clasped on the coverlet.
“I know what they did was wrong,” were my soft words. “But you have to understand, when I got there, I was in a bad place.”
The big man was beside me in a second once more, staring into my eyes.
“But why?” that rough growl came once more, an edge of desperation in his voice. “Why would you do that? I know what happened between us was fucked up and all, but ….” His voice trailed off.
And I took a deep breath, looking out the window once more. How nice it must be to be a bird, flitting this way and that, the wind soaring beneath your wings. How nice it must be not to have a care in the world, instead of living a life filled with tangles and no good solutions.
And then I turned back to Jake, my big brown eyes holding no judgment, no anger.
“What happened between us was wrong,” I began slowly.
“And also right,” he cut in.
I paused, just absorbing the words.
“Yes, and also right,” came my acknowledgment. “But you have to understand. I’m not you,” came the words. “I’m eighteen and untouched. I’ve never had a boyfriend. To do what we did, it made me crazy.”
Jake grabbed my hands again, look urgent.
“You’re not crazy,” he insisted roughly. “You’re in love.”
Those words. Once upon a time, they would have made me so happy. But now I wasn’t sure what to feel. Because I’d dodged death by the slimmest of margins, almost losing my brain to a harsh zap of electricity.
But a brush with the grim reaper will make you see things with new eyes.
“Yes, I was in love,” were my soft words. “I am in love with you.”
And immediately, the billionaire was on me.
“I swear,” he breathed, brushing my hair aside, looking intently into my eyes. “I swear we’ll make it work honey. We’ll make this work, absolutely.”
But the thing is, I hadn’t heard the words from him in return. Despite giving my all, Jake was still too wrapped up in business deals, in trading connections for sex, in making sure things happened the way he wanted. He didn’t say I love you back.
And my heart broke then. Because the alpha’s a forty-five year old man who’s set in his ways. How could I change him? If my brush with death hadn’t done it, then what was going to make a difference? How could I make him see?
But Jake was still muttering a storm, swearing he was gonna fire everyone at Safe Haven, tear the place down brick by brick. From my perspective, Safe Haven was in the past. It would never be a part of my life again, and I didn’t care what happened to it.
Besides, there was the now. There was the incredible realization that although I loved Jake, he was too wrapped up in his alpha male ways to even appreciate it.
So I looked away once more, taking a deep breath. Sometimes life is bittersweet and you just have to roll with it. Because I adored this man with every ounce of my being, and in fact had even told him so. But he couldn’t process it, couldn’t sit back and think about what it meant, and be grateful for the gift he’d received.
So smiling once more, I turned towards the billionaire.
“Thank you,” were my quiet words.
The alpha was dumbfounded.
“For what?” he demanded. “Thank you for what?”
“Thank you for everything,” I said again, careful with the words. “For showing me everything. For taking me with you on this amazing adventure. It could have ended better, I agree, but I wouldn’t give it up for the world.”
And the dark man stared at me, completely mystified, jumping up and pacing around the bedroom again, long strides eating up the distance.
“I swear Lacey, those drugs have gotten to you,” he mumbled, more talking to himself than anything. “You’re not you yet. You’re not thinking straight. We’re gonna get this straightened out, we’re gonna be a real couple. I swear,” he turned, fixing me with those penetrating blue eyes. “When you’re healthy again, we’re gonna work this out.”