Our smiles fall as we remember that week. We were ten years old. I thought he was going to die. When I snuck in his room, he could barely move or even greet me. I curled up against him and held him close. Told him he wasn’t allowed to die. My best friend clung to me silently. Of course we were being overly dramatic looking back, but it was that moment I knew I loved him and in a way I wasn’t supposed to. In a way that made me want to keep him forever.
Cope surprises me by hugging me. Tears prickle at my eyes at the first true sign of affection from him in years. I hug him back.
“I need my best friend back,” I murmur.
“Me too,” he admits with a surprisingly vulnerable tone in his voice.
I start to pull away, but he clings to me. It’s reminiscent of that night I found him when he was so sick. There’s nothing sexual about our hug. It doesn’t make me aroused. I don’t get turned on by him. It’s just simple brotherly love. A love that has been denied to both of us for two years and it thrashes to the surface with a vengeance.
We eventually part and a weight feels as though it’s been lifted. I feel like we’re closer than we’ve been since he showed up at Leah’s last night. Those two years of being apart is being shed away like a dirty, old coat. Unwanted and forgotten. All that matters is we’re back together. Like old times. We leave the stall and walk over to the mirror. Still the same two boys we always were. The urge to challenge each other at every turn, but the undeniable need to hold onto the other when times are rough. I suppose those two opposites have always balanced our friendship. Tip it too far in one direction and it makes us enemies. Tip it too far in the other direction?
Unfortunately, that’s a territory I’ll never know.
The happy middle ground will have to do.
Copeland
“We should do this again,” Leah chirps as I put my car into park outside of her house.
I give her a nod and Penn assures her we will. They hug outside of my vehicle while I stew. Dante is no better than Liam. I can feel it. He was barely into the date with Penn and he was ready to suck him off in the bathroom. I don’t know why, but that shit really pisses me off.
When he gets back inside, I give him the silent treatment on the way home. Having to watch him make out with Dante after the movie in the parking lot while Leah chattered on about how cute they were made my blood boil. And when I cool off, I’m going to let Penn know, too.
We’re friends again after all.
Friends tell each other like it is.
“So it wasn’t just me,” I say, trying to keep the bitter edge out of my voice.
“What?”
“You said you weren’t gay. You weren’t into guys. Just me.” I let my gaze burn into him at the next stoplight. “So you’re not gay, you just like kissing me and Dante?”
Penn’s brown eyes flare and he lets out a huff of anger. “What is your deal?”
“You just can’t admit you’re gay.”
“If I admit it, will you get off my back?” he barks.
“Doubt it, but I want to hear it anyway.”
We pull into my driveway and he bolts from the car. I follow him over to his yard and into his house. When he realizes he’s being followed, he turns on his heel and glowers at me.
“Go home,” he grumbles.
“Not yet.”
Our stubborn standoffs are ones I actually miss. Finally, he relents. His fingers rake through his hair and he lets out a heavy sigh.
“I’m gay, okay?” His brown eyes lift to mine and they search my gaze as though I’ll ridicule him for it.
“Are you going to see him again?”
He shrugs, a small smile on his lips. “Maybe.”
“Be careful. Uncloseted gays like him are usually a closet dick.”
“Back off, Cope.”
“I’m just saying that you should find someone better,” I bite out.
“I found someone better,” he hisses. “But God was cruel and made him incapable of loving me back. So second best will have to do.”
A surge of pride burns through me at him admitting I’m his first choice. Even if I can’t reciprocate. The competitive side of me roars with happiness. It just sucks that he looks so damn sad about it. I almost wish I were gay just to show him I’m a much better kisser than Dante could ever dream of being.
As if sensing my thoughts, Penn’s gaze drops to my lips. Knowing he prefers me over Dante has power burning up inside. I lick my lips and then grin at him.