He smirks and then sets to putting away the food. I eat my sandwich, trying not to brood over the fact he hasn’t slept with me yet. Once we’re finished in the kitchen, we take the bottle with us upstairs. I take to pacing his bedroom floor, wondering if I have the nerve to bring up his refusing to fuck me, as he saunters over to his stereo. Soon, Radiohead blasts from the speakers, making my heart thrum hard in my chest. He makes his way back over to me and sets his bottle down on the end table so he can pull my hoodie and shirt off. His fingers ghost along my abs, circle my bellybutton, and then tease at the hair that trails off under my jeans.
“You look like you need a blowjob,” he rasps out. “You’re so tense.”
The alcohol running through me seems to ignite in my veins. As good as it feels to have his lips wrapped around me, I don’t want a fucking blowjob. I push away his hand. Hurt flickers in his eyes as he takes a step back.
“Are my blowjobs not good?”
“Not good enough,” I snap.
He winces at my words and I immediately want to reel them back in.
“Cope—”
“What the hell is your problem?” he bellows. “You get in a fight with your dad and want to be an asshole like him? Fuck you, Penn!”
I grab his hips, yanking him closer. “I just want more from you, dammit. I always want more and you keep me at arm’s length.” I flinch at my own words. “Do you not want to…” I swallow down my emotion. “Do you think it’ll be gross?”
He glowers at me as his hand grips my throat. “Gross? Don’t be a goddamn idiot.” With those words, he smashes his lips to mine, kissing me like he can somehow show me a glimpse of his soul.
I see.
Black. Lonely. Empty.
But when his soul meets mine, it brightens. It fucking glows.
I know this, because mine glows too.
Our tongues tangle in a heated frenzy. Suddenly, a blowjob sounds really damn amazing. Even if I never got to have sex with Cope, I’d be happy with just kissing him. We’re still able to be intimate enough. I could settle for that. For him. He’s worth it to me. Anything not to lose him altogether.
“I love you,” I breathe against his lips.
He pulls away, his blue eyes hot with intensity. “I love you too.” His words are but a whisper, but I hear them. They’re etched into my heart like a carving on stone. “I love you and I want to fuck you so bad it physically hurts.”
Pleasure coils in the pit of my stomach. “So why don’t you?”
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” he mutters. Then, his eyes darken. “But now…”
“But now?” I urge, my voice hoarse with need.
“I’m going to fuck my best friend. Even if he cries like a little girl.”
Copeland
We may be joking, but Penn’s brown eyes gleam with hurt. The idiot really thinks I don’t want to fuck him. My aching cock begs otherwise. Seriously. Each day, we spend wrapped up in each other. Sucking each other. Fingering his ass. Making out. Jerking off. We’ve done everything but fuck, but it’s not like I don’t want to.
He starts for the bed, but I grab his bicep, dragging him into my bathroom instead. I turn him around to face the sink so I can look over his shoulder and see his expression in the mirror.
Confusion. Self-doubt. Yearning.
Patience, lover.
I hug him from behind, splaying my palms over his pectoral muscles. “Your body drives me crazy,” I murmur, my breath hot against his shoulder. “Everything about it is hard. Cut. Defined. I could spend hours memorizing each inch.”
A smile tugs at one corner of his lips. He knows I worship his body. We’ve spent every weekend curled up in bed. My tongue has been everywhere on his body.
“These abs,” I say and then playfully bite the side of his neck, “make my dick hard as fuck.” I rub against his ass to prove what he does to me. “I dream about these abs.”
“They’re yours,” he utters in a husky tone.
“Damn straight.” My fingertips slide along the grooves of his prominent V. “And this motherfucking wonder of the world makes me crazy. Like I’d start wars and end humanity if I had to in order to just keep these within my grasp.” He hisses when I stroke his oblique muscles and then unbutton the top of his jeans. “Your body is like a drug to me. I want more and more. It’s never enough. So the fact you even considered for one second that I didn’t want to fuck you means I make you insane too.”
He groans when I unzip his pants and push them along with his boxers down his thighs. His cock, thick and heavy, bobs out, the tip glistening with pre-cum. I slap at his ass, indicating he needs to kick off his shoes and step out of his clothes. Once he’s naked and pushed them out of the way, I take a step back to admire my favorite body part of his.