Kiss Me, Baby - Vegas, Baby

“Zack! You little monkey!” Delia yelled from somewhere in the house. “Get your naked butt back here!” In the next moment, a laughing, nude, two-year-old little boy came streaking into the foyer where we were standing. There was something white dangling from one hand, but he dropped it when he spotted us.

“Mommy! Daddy!” he shouted happily, then he grinned and ran at Amelia. Right before he reached her, it dawned on me what was happening, and I caught him mid-jump. I held him under his arms and dangled him out in front of me.

Delia came running around the corner and almost tripped on what I was certain was a full diaper that my son had tossed away. She was out of breath and glared at me, as though it were my fault Zack had escaped her mid-change. Amelia snorted with laughter, and I knew she had also noticed what were clearly sprays of urine on Delia’s T-shirt.

Just then, Julia suddenly appeared from the kitchen, her face smeared with what I hoped was chocolate. Delia groaned and collapsed against the nearest wall.

Amelia laughed again. “Take a break, Delia. We’ve got this.” Delia grunted and slid to the ground.

Amelia looked at me, and I nodded, my lips pinched to hold in my laughter. She went after our daughter, and I dodged another bullet from my son’s bladder on the way to the kids’ bathroom. We bathed our babies, read them stories, and put them down for bed. Then we changed out of our bathwater-soaked clothes and went looking for our oldest daughter.

Delia was sprawled face down on the couch in the den, and as we entered, she turned her head to glare at me. “I don’t think I thought this whole sibling thing through,” she grumbled as she sat up.

I grinned and dropped into a chair, pulling Amelia down into my lap. “Too late now. This was your idea, sweetie. We’re already cooking you another one.”

Amelia smacked my chest and glared at me. “We were supposed to tell her together.” Then she cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes to slits. “You haven’t told anyone else, right? Because it’s too soon.”

I held up my hands in a surrender pose. “No one. I swear.”

Delia drew our attention when she grumbled and climbed to her feet. “I’m going to bed,” she said as she trudged toward the door. “These siblings better be prepared to babysit and change diapers when I have kids.”

Then she disappeared, leaving me choking and Amelia slapping me on the back while laughing hysterically.

“You alright there, babe?”

I swallowed hard and shook my head. “She’s joking, right? She can’t have kids if she doesn’t have sex.” My eyes met Amelia’s, and I silently pleaded for her to agree with me, but she just snorted again.

“Don’t you want to be a grandpa someday?” she asked when she finally calmed down.

“That will be Zack Jr’s job,” I informed her.

Amelia raised an eyebrow and gave me an arch look. “Kind of a double standard, don’t you think?”

I frowned and started to defend myself, then stopped because I knew whatever I said wouldn’t make a difference. I might as well be honest, so I shrugged. “I guess so.”

“And how exactly do you expect to keep them from having sex?”

“My little girls would never do anything like that,” I insisted, keeping my head firmly in the sand.

Amelia chuckled and gave me a condescending pat on the shoulder. “Good luck with that.” I tried to hold on to her when she moved to get up, but she managed to dance away and skip to the door. Then she stopped and winked at me. “Didn’t you promise to do some distracting?”

I perked up at her question…literally. “Absolutely,” I agreed and jumped to my feet.

“Great! I’d like an ice cream sundae with chocolate and caramel on the side, lots of extra whip cream, and cherries.”

Obviously, I’d been expecting a different type of distraction, but I would always be happy to do whatever made my wife smile. “Sure, beautiful.” I kissed her cheek as I walked past her and headed to the kitchen.

“Thank you, babe,” she murmured. Her tone was mischievous, and I glanced back at her curiously. “You can bring it to me in bed and distract me by eating it off my body.”