Kiss Me If You Can (Bachelor Blogs 1)

A few minutes later, cool air-conditioning making the hair on her arms stand on end, Lexie knocked once on the wooden office door.

“Surprise!” she said, and let herself into her father’s office. She would have called ahead for an appointment, but she wanted to give herself an out in case she changed her mind.

“Alexis, this is a surprise!” He rose from behind the desk she’d always found big and imposing as a child. “What’s wrong?” he immediately asked.

She didn’t take the question personally. She’d never come here just because and, given the choice, she never came here at all.

“Is my mother okay?” he asked when she didn’t immediately answer.

“She’s fine,” Lexie rushed to assure him. “I’m fine.”

Confusion furrowed his eyebrows and she understood. He had no idea why she was here.

“I was hoping we could…talk.”

“Of course.” He extended his hand, gesturing for her to take a seat.

Lexie lowered herself into one of the big chairs, recalling how as a child, she liked to swing her feet back and forth until Margaret would remind her that ladies crossed their legs at the ankles and didn’t fidget like boys. But the important thing now was that Lexie remembered enjoying something about being here—and wasn’t that a shock, she thought wryly.

She drew a deep breath for courage before blurting out the first thing that came to mind. “I know I’m a disappointment to you,” she said in a rush, before she could chicken out.

Her father jerked back, stunned at her comment. “That’s a little harsh,” he said.

Lexie shook her head hard. “Not really. It’s the truth. I’m not like you, Mother or Margaret. I’m not focused or dedicated—at least not to your way of thinking. But I’m successful if you define successful as self-supporting. I’m able to save for the future and to take trips abroad and see the world. And I love what I do,” she said, gaining steam and momentum. “I mean I really love Web design and the different clients I meet as a result of my job.” A rush of adrenaline took hold as she described her life from her perspective.

“Alexis,” her father said, his expression one of utter confusion.

“Wait, please. Just let me finish, okay?”

He nodded patiently. That, at least, was one of his virtues.

“I’m also honest to a fault. That’s something you and Mom taught me and I’m proud of that. I don’t overbill my clients, although of course I could. They have no idea how much time it takes me to design or update a site. But if someone hires me, they pay a fair price for my services. My assistant loves working for me because I pay her well and treat her fairly. And I expect the best, and as a result she’s learning and growing as a designer. Again, I can thank you and Mom for instilling those qualities in me.”

She glanced at her father, who ran a hand over his head.

“I’m…at a loss,” he said.

“I know.” She swallowed hard, searching for words that would explain. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I might not have gone into your choice of professions or done things your way, but I’m a success just the same.” She gripped the chair arms more tightly. “I’m well-rounded—more than you, if you don’t mind my making that observation—I’ve seen more of the world. And I’m equally successful in my own right. Doing my own thing.” Lexie drew a deep breath. “Can we agree on that?”

He paused and after what felt like hours, but was probably only a few seconds, he nodded slowly. “Yes, we can. I never thought of you or your life quite that way.”

Lexie smiled. “I know. I’d like to say that I’ve also come to understand you.”

He leaned forward. “How so?”

“Well, I think we have more in common than you ever realized.”

“I didn’t think we had anything in common, to be honest. So, please enlighten me.” Though his hands were folded on top of his desk, his posture stiff, his eyes and his expression were open. Curious. Inviting, even.

Lexie took great hope in those signs. “We both know what it’s like to grow up in a home where it’s impossible to meet the expectations of your parent and disappointment permeates everything you say or do,” she said, her heart pounding hard in her chest.

“I suppose we do,” he said at last. “I never looked at it that way.” He looked as stunned as he sounded.

Neither had she, until a wise man pointed it out to her. “I’m sure it wasn’t easy growing up with Charlotte as your mother,” Lexie said, then bit the inside of her cheek, nervous about how he’d respond.

But he nodded in agreement. “Though she married my father and settled down, she never quite did things the same way as the other mothers. From the way she dressed to how she acted, it always made me uncomfortable. I felt different from her and different from the other kids. So I never wanted to bring anyone home. And the more outrageous she acted, the more uptight I became.”

Lexie stared wide-eyed. She’d hoped for understanding. She’d never expected him to open up to her in any way. To let down those walls she’d never been able to breach as a child and allow her a glimpse of himself.

“It was the same for me,” she said softly. “Except in my case, the more rigid the rules and expectations, the harder I rebelled. The more I wanted the freedom to be me. The more I needed to be accepted for who I was and what I wanted.” She forced the painful words from deep inside her.

“Something I never gave you,” her father finally acknowledged. “Because I saw too much of my mother in you and I’d told myself I was finished living with flighty ways and unexpected behavior.” He cleared his throat. “But you…you reveled in your similarities to your grandmother. In fact, sometimes it felt like you were rubbing my face in being just like her.”

“I was,” she admitted. “I loved being like Grandma because it meant I wasn’t alone. That I wasn’t a bad person because I was different from you, Mom and Margaret.” She swallowed over the lump in her throat, unsure if it was caused by the pain from the past or the possibilities now offered in the future.

“I remember how hard it was for me, growing up and being so distinctly different from my mother. I can’t believe I didn’t see I was doing the same thing to you.”

In his voice, Lexie heard how difficult the admission was for him to make. But in doing so, they’d crossed a divide Lexie never believed was possible.