That Reckless Night

“I wouldn’t be so critical if I wasn’t worried about your safety.”

“I told you—I’m in no danger.”

“Mom.” Miranda tried to stay on topic. “I disagree. Can’t you tell that normal people don’t live this way? Don’t you care that you’re not a part of Talen’s life? He barely knows you because you never spend any time together.”

Her mother looked wounded. “It’s not my fault that you won’t bring my grandson to see me. It’s not as if I’ve moved away or something. We all make choices, Miranda, and I can’t control how you choose to parent your child. Just as I can’t control that you prefer that woman over your own mother.”

“She listens to me. She doesn’t try to push me away like you do.” Miranda couldn’t help the sharp retort. Her feelings were much too raw at this point and she was losing patience.

“I don’t try to push you away. You create distance between us by constantly criticizing me.”

“Me? Criticize you?” Her mother was delusional. “You’ve made it very clear that I’ve never measured up to Simone. And when Simone died, your disdain for everything that I cared about only got worse. How am I supposed to feel about that?”

“I refuse to stand here and listen to you reaping all of your problems on my head. Your problems are your own. You’re an adult, Miranda. Deal with the choices you’ve made instead of trying to blame everyone else.”

“I’m not blaming anyone. I’m trying to figure out why I am the way I am. Why won’t you help me?” Miranda wiped at the tears dribbling down her cheeks. “I can’t help but think that if it were Simone coming to you, you’d bend over backward to help. I guess I’ll just never measure up to her. Lord knows, you’ve been blaming me for her death since the day she disappeared.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“No, it’s not.” Miranda wished it were. “I’m not blind to the way you feel. Contrary to what you believe, you’re not a very good actress. Your thoughts and feelings are always displayed right on your face.”

“Children don’t come with a manual. And you can’t parent one child the same way as the other. I did the best that I could. I refuse to be blamed for whatever you feel went wrong simply because you don’t like the way your life turned out.”

“I love my life,” Miranda nearly shouted. “But I’m beginning to realize that certain choices I’ve made haven’t been the best and I’m trying to make amends. I want to mend our relationship, Mom. But you’re making it nearly impossible to do that. You have to take responsibility for your part in all of this and that starts with admitting you have a hoarding problem.”

“I don’t have a hoarding problem! I have a selfish-family problem!” Her mother threw her hands up and stalked away. “I’ve had enough of this visit. Feel free to make yourself scarce.” Jennelle threw a hard stare at Miranda before disappearing behind the one door in the house that wasn’t blocked by junk. Miranda had half a mind to go bang on the door but figured, what was the point? Her mother was stubborn as a mule and nearly as mean.

“Thanks for that open and sharing conversation, Mom,” Miranda muttered and let herself out.

Hands shaking, Miranda fished her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed Trace’s number. When the call went straight to voice mail she left a near-hysterical message. “You have to come home. I can’t take this anymore. I’m going crazy. If you don’t help me deal with Mom I don’t know what else to do. She won’t listen, but she needs help. And she likes you way more than she’s ever liked me, so please come home!”

Miranda climbed into her car and threw her cell onto the passenger seat. Before she knew it her shoulders were shaking as racking sobs took over her body. She cried into her hands, unable to stop. Everything was falling apart in her life. She didn’t have anyone she could talk to; she didn’t have anyone who cared. Including her own family. She desperately wanted to talk to Jeremiah but she refused to go to him in a sobbing mess, like some poor pathetic female who couldn’t handle her own problems. But just once, she’d like to be able to lay her head on someone else’s shoulder and know that they were going to take care of things. That they were going to take care of her.

She spent her whole life taking care of everyone else but no one seemed to notice when she was the one struggling. Her mother blamed Miranda for Simone’s death. But wasn’t a mother supposed to be there for her other daughter? When Simone died, no one was more overcome with guilt than Miranda. The fact that she couldn’t turn to her mother for comfort was an additional slice to her heart.