Miranda rose, clutching the sheet to her bare breasts. “Life goes on, Jeremiah. It breaks my heart that you lost your son. I cannot imagine the pain that you have been through or how much it hurts every single day to know that your son is gone but I do know that you can’t stop living. Otherwise you might as well just climb into the ground with Tyler.”
Jeremiah immediately bristled. “You don’t know what you’re talking about so I’d stop offering an opinion,” he said sharply, climbing from the bed and jerking a robe on over his nudity. His glare said he blamed her for the sudden change between them. “This isn’t the way I’d like to end the evening.”
“Well, we don’t always get what we want, now do we?” Miranda said, hurt and angry, but mostly hurt. She’d bared her soul to him and admitted her deepest feelings and he’d countered with “I can’t be your son’s daddy.” If she were inclined to violence, she might be tempted to pitch something heavy at his stupid head. She scrambled free from the bed and quickly recovered her discarded clothing from the floor. She slid her panties and bra on, not willing to spend another minute in his miserable company.
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?” She pulled her jeans and sweater on and began looking for her shoes but Jeremiah grabbed them first. “Give me my shoes,” she demanded.
“Just hold on a minute,” he nearly shouted, and she crossed her arms and stared. “I’m just saying that it’s ignorant of you to try and school me on how to properly grieve for my child when you’ve never been through what I have. You can’t possibly imagine the horror and the pain of losing a child. And I hope you never do. But don’t sit there and try to lecture me about living life to its fullest when you’ve never suffered such a huge loss.”
“I’m not lecturing you. I’m just pointing out the obvious,” Miranda disagreed. “You’re choosing to cut yourself off from a new life with someone by refusing to take a chance.”
“Don’t you understand? I will never be the same. And I’m trying to do you a favor,” he argued. “I’m not cut out to be someone’s stepfather. You say you’re not looking for a father for your son but how’s that going to work out? Will we just continue to see each other on the side without allowing certain aspects of our personal life to mesh? That’s no life. That’s not a true relationship. That’s a friendship with benefits or a booty call. And I’m not willing to disrespect you in that way. Don’t you get it? I want better for you!”
“I don’t need you to tell me what I need.” Tears blurred her eyes. “I just told you that I loved you. That’s it. If you don’t feel the same then just say so. I didn’t ask for an explanation of why you don’t want to be with me. I don’t need you to make excuses. I just had to tell you how I felt.” She held his stare even though it hurt to look at him. “And I can see that I’ve made a huge mistake. Now give me my damn shoes or I will walk out of this house barefoot.”
Jeremiah’s arm snaked out and grabbed her before she could leave and pulled her close. “I do love you. Damn it, Miranda, I love you desperately.” He ground his mouth against hers and she felt her body stirring with passion and bone-deep misery. She clung to him as their tongues twined with one another and their need reached a fevered pitch. “Is this what you want?” Jeremiah demanded to know between kisses, his touch becoming urgent and insistent. “Do you want to hear how much I love you and how it kills me to set you free? Because it does. It kills me to know that I’m not good enough. It kills me to know that the best thing for you is to get away from me. I will inadvertently hurt you and your son somehow because I’m not ready to face the grief that I’ve pushed so deeply inside of me.” He buried his face between her breasts, squeezing almost painfully. But she gave herself to him as freely as she had admitted her love for him. He groaned against her. “I love you. I love you more than I have ever imagined loving anyone and it’s killing me.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks as they made love. Each thrust felt desperate, as if they both knew it was the end. They clung to one another as they rode out their passion until they were finished, gasping for breath, the smell of sweat and sex lingering in the air as they recovered.
She loved him. And he loved her. She’d be a fool to chase a man who’d already admitted he couldn’t be the man in her life. She’d made a vow that she would never bring a man into Talen’s life who wasn’t going to be there permanently. Jeremiah had just told her why he couldn’t be that man.