“Fucking exhausted,” I agreed.
He slid his gaze back to me. “Why the rush, though?”
I shrugged and scratched my bicep. “We gotta celebrate, don’t we?”
He drew a deep breath and saw straight through me. He didn’t even bother narrowing his eyes, something he was great at when he sniffed out bullshit. Maybe he was too tired. Or maybe I was so goddamn pathetic in my quest to fill Alessia’s calendar with family shit that it was too easy, too obvious.
“Are you never going to talk to her?” Jack asked curiously, and I tensed up. “Be honest with me, Adam. You’re seriously going to let her run off with someone she’ll be content with at best.”
“Don’t.” I clenched my jaw. I’d hidden my feelings for Alessia for longer than I cared to admit, and no one had so much as suspected anything until Isla barged into Jack’s life and assumed Alessia and I were together the very first time she met us. “You don’t know what it’s like,” I told him.
He hiked his brows. “Oh, I don’t?”
I shook my head. “No, you don’t, and I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking about her—” I gestured to the room where Isla slept “—and the babies, but it ain’t the same. Alessia is in every part of my life. We live together, we run Coho together—she’s my best friend. She’s my past, my present, and my future. If I lose her, I have nothing.” An invisible noose tightened around my neck, and I hauled in a breath. The mere idea of not having Alessia in my life was fucking crippling. “I won’t risk it,” I stated. “I live and breathe that girl.”
Something softened in my brother’s gaze. “She might not be your future, though.”
I didn’t need a reminder.
“You were never supposed to know,” I told him. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
I already knew I was a coward. The fact that my brother knew was too much for me. It left me too exposed.
Jack sighed heavily and clasped my shoulder. “Just…pay attention to her. Having known for her for so long, you think you know everything. But people change over time.”
He didn’t know how much I already took from Alessia. Her time, her attention. He also didn’t know I was already her personal stalker. If we didn’t live together, I’d probably be perched in a tree outside her bedroom window.
“Next weekend,” I said instead. “Talk to Isla. I want us all together.”
He nodded and went for the door. “Get some sleep, brother. And think about what I said.”
* * *
It was past midnight when I drove us home. Isla had given birth at a small private hospital, and Alessia used to date one of the doctors. I was pretty sure that was why she’d been allowed to stay past visiting hours. I knew what it was like not to be able to say no to that girl.
I drummed my fingers absently against the wheel to the country song playing and stopped at a light. The town was dead at this hour on a random Monday, and the weather couldn’t decide if it was gonna give us snow or rain, so we got both.
“When do you wanna start tomorrow?” Alessia wondered.
I hummed. I’d already stocked up what she’d need for tomorrow or the day after, and I had everything set up in the restaurant for the menu… “You can sleep in if you want. I’ll probably head down around eight.”
“You’re gonna need a break, Adam,” she reasoned gently. “You can’t work from eight in the morning to midnight.”
Well, we had to get this menu sorted if we were gonna do the Valentine’s Day thing. It was only two weeks away.
How many weeks until she found someone decent on Tinder?
I was still processing the confirmation that she wanted a traditional family.
It meant she was making active choices to change what we had. It wasn’t enough for her.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Che cosa?” She asked what was wrong. Her Italian flowed softly and frequently, but thankfully only in short sentences that I’d memorized. It happened mostly when she was tired, upset, or excited.
A yawn cut off my smile as I thought of her fire. She’d curse up an Italian storm when she was pissed at me sometimes. “Nothing,” I answered eventually and made the last turn. “Tomorrow will be fun. I think I’m gonna try a thicker cut of the bacon.”
I wanted the chips chewy in the middle with a crispy hot tempura shell.
“You’ll make magic as always.” She buttered me up perfectly. “Hey, we like this song.”
I quirked a little grin and pulled into our parking spot behind our building. The concrete wall next to us was lined with black garbage bags full of leaves and branches from when she’d cleared the terrace on the other side.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Alessia asked thoughtfully. “Or am I projecting my weird mood?”