“I’m not sure that there’s anything more to me than what you see.”
She heard a note of something in his voice. She couldn’t really assign it any emotion because it wasn’t like that. But she knew he was trying to tell her something without coming right out and saying the words. “I’m sure there is.”
He pinned her with his hard, cold stare. “I don’t want you to be disappointed, Annie. I promise not to hurt you.”
“And you think if I don’t find what I’m looking for, I’ll be hurt?”
“You might make the mistake of thinking that because I can’t express what I feel for you, you’ll assume that I don’t feel anything,” he said, then cursed under his breath. “Damn, I don’t want to have this conversation in the car.”
“What conversation?”
“One about our relationship.” She felt as if they were getting to the heart of why he wanted to leave Uncle Steve’s house so abruptly.
“Let’s go inside,” she said.
They both went into the condo and Jared paced around the living room.
“What happened there?”
“Nothing important,” he said, keeping his eyes on the carpet in front of him.
“Jared, don’t shut me out,” she said.
JARED WAS TEMPTED to not only shut her out but to walk out of this condo and never stop. To keep moving so that he wouldn’t have to admit to the emotions roiling through him. A part of him wondered what she’d do if he laid the truth on the line. If he told her that he’d been alone for too long and that the closest he’d found to a home was in her arms.
But he wasn’t ready to be that weak in front of her. To give her power over the relationship and the direction it was taking. This afternoon when he’d watched her with her family he felt a keen longing for something more from this woman.
Normally he was able to keep himself from caring too deeply in a relationship.
“Do you want me to go?” he asked.
“Do you want to?” she asked him.
“No.” He searched for the right words, for something to say that would explain what he meant without revealing too much, but he came up empty.
“I’m just not sure where we’re heading from here. I’m not good at long-term, but everything about you makes me want to give that a try.”
“That doesn’t sound bad. I think you know I feel the same way,” she said.
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“That sounds so lame. You know that, right? It’s like a cop-out that you use when you don’t want to have to admit that you might be the one who gets hurt.”
Her words were like a punch in the gut. Not because they were harsh but because they were true.
“I guess you’re right. I’m not…hell, I can’t do this.”
She walked over to him and he was struck again by how beautiful she was. How the emotions in her dark brown eyes never failed to get to him and shake him to his core.
“I’m not going to let this go. A few times we’ve come close, with both of us admitting more than either of us is comfortable with.”
He rubbed his neck again, then realized what he was doing and dropped his hands. He shoved them into his pockets and hoped he looked cool and collected even though inside he was shattering. “Why don’t you go first?”
She shook her head and he thought that this was going to be how their relationship ended. Both of them standing next to each other but afraid to reach out and take what they wanted.
And suddenly he was pissed off at himself and at her. At the life he’d always lived that hadn’t really prepared him to keep her.
“I want you. But I’ve never kept a relationship alive.”
She exhaled a long breath that sounded like a sigh. “I want you the same way. I’ve had lots of relationships…my problem is holding on way past the time to let go.”
“I haven’t noticed that.”
“Trust me.”
“Your marriage?”
“Yeah. All the signs were there that it was over but I didn’t want to admit I’d made a mistake.”
“I can understand that. I’m kind of stubborn about things.”
“You think?”
“I’m not sure where we are going from here, but I’m willing to try to make this work.”
“I’m going to want you to open up more about what you’re feeling,” she said.
He hated that. What if she realized that he was empty inside?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“WANT TO GRAB some lunch?” Jared asked after the stock cars came back in from their test laps. He’d only managed to see Annie for about ten minutes earlier in the day. But she’d had her camera and was heading into Dave’s garage.