Against her ear, she could hear his heartbeat quicken and his breath stutter. “Why is it that your first assumption was a death?”
Because he looked at her as though he held a monster in his arms. A dull yet pervasive hurt spread through her chest.
“I…” She could tell him. He’d understand. He’d been the keeper of souls for centuries. Eliza found herself sinking further into Adam’s warmth. Shockingly, he let her do it, his body curling around hers as though he would block all hurts if he could.
“Tell me, mo gradh,” he said. “Tell me what has happened to you.”
Eliza’s breath seized, her heart clenching beneath her ribs. Adam’s proper English slipped now and then, and it was clear he thought she was ignorant of Gaelic. But her grandfather, Aiden Evernight, had taught her the language. And all that she could think on now was that Adam had called her my love. Not the light and teasing “love” the English liked to toss around. But in a reverential tone.
“Eliza?” He touched her cheek with the callused tips of his fingers.
“I kill.”
Adam’s brows drew together as he looked off, and she had the mad urge to trace the sharp line of his jaw, to trail her fingers along the growth of stubble there that heightened the softness of his mouth.
“You do not appear surprised. I killed again, didn’t I?”
“Aye.” He said it slowly, a drawn-out breath as though he were tired. And Eliza’s insides went ice cold. Who had she killed?
She’d always been in control when it happened. She had never killed and not remembered. Curling up closer to Adam, she clung to his shirt. “That is what Mellan used me for. To kill, to instill fear in the hearts of men.”
Against her, Adam went stiff and uttered a foul curse. Oddly, Eliza found herself stroking the hard swell of his chest. “I’ve always been able to… I don’t even know what it is that I do… Only that this black, foul anger comes over me, and I can pull the life out of a man.”
“Pull out his soul,” Adam murmured. “You’re pulling his soul.”
“Yes.” Eliza ran a finger along the seam of his collar, the action soothing her. “I suppose that’s it.”
“And you did this for Mellan?”
A sigh left her, and her throat burned. “I was so foolish, Adam. So full of fear and hate. I was alone in the world, and he took me in, made me feel safe and comfortable. He told me that I’d only be killing evil men, those who harmed women and children.” She laughed. “Such a horrible cliché. And I believed him, lived to do whatever it was he wanted, until I finally realized that it did not matter who I killed. I was wrong for doing it.”
Adam’s long fingers sifted through her hair, his touch so gentle that she barely felt it. “In all my years of life,” he said, “I have come to discover that, more often than not, we believe what we want to believe. The convenient lie, an easy truth, whatever we must to survive.” His hand stilled, cupping the back of her head, and easing her against his shoulder. “Is it wrong? Perhaps. But you broke from those bonds of fear, did you not? You left Mellan.”
“And yet,” she rasped, “I did it again. At the Rag Fair. A man cornered me, and instead of trying to get away, I killed him.”
He let out a breath. “I knew something had happened.”
Eliza shuddered. “I reveled in it. And at the same time, I felt soul sick.”
He did not say anything to that, but merely brushed a kiss against the crown of her head. And, shockingly, it made her feel, not better, but it opened a small warm corner of her heart.
Adam sat back a little so that his gaze met hers. There was no judgment in his golden eyes, only puzzlement, and a bit of caution. “How is it that you did not kill those men who…” He swallowed hard and a dark rage filled his expression before he spoke again. “The men who violated you that night? The men who killed you.”
Eliza’s heart gave a small start. “They did not violate me, Adam.”
His scowl said he believed otherwise. “Your skirts were up and —” His jaw bunched.
“They tried,” Eliza clarified, pressing her palm to his chest where his heart pounded hard. “I had my hand around one of their necks, he was dying, and the others gutted me to save him.” She let her hand slid down to rest in her lap. She could not touch him then. “This power I have only works when I touch another. And only on humans.”
She grimaced, even as he tensed. “I tried to kill Mellan, you see. And it never worked.”
“Hmm…” Adam’s breath was warm against her hair. “I think you’re changing, Eliza. Your powers. Perhaps this is why he is desperate to control you.”
“There is more.” Her voice was a ghost in the night.
He made a sound of amusement. “There always is, love.”
Eliza cleared her throat. “Death calls to me.”
He stilled, his grip tightening in her hair. “As though the dead need you.”
“Yes. Exactly.” Eliza tipped her head back and met his dark gaze. “Only I cannot hear what they say. And I see the light of souls within a person’s body.”
At that, he twitched.
“Mab says it is because you made me like you,” she said.
He visibly flinched but did not answer.
“Did you?” she pressed. “Am I a GIM without a clockwork heart?”