Passion & Ponies (Chocoholics 2)

“WHERE THE FUCK DID THESE SHOES COME FROM?” I yell, staring at my feet.

“I think it’s time to get Interstate home to bed,” Rocco announces, sliding my feet off of his lap as he stands.

Charlotte gets up from her chair, walks over to my side of the table and starts wiping my face with my napkin. “I know you’re really drunk right now, but tomorrow when you’re sober, you’re going to be so happy that you finally realized you’re in love with Tyler.”

She helps me up from my seat and holds my arm as we walk out of the restaurant while Rocco pays the bill. I rest my head on her shoulder, letting her lead me out the front door. I can feel my throat getting tight and I squeeze my eyes closed to stop the tears from falling down my cheeks.

“Charlotte?”

“Yes, Interstate?” she replies with a laugh.

“I don’t want these ugly f**king shoes on my feet!” I wail.

Chapter 20 – Fisting – For the Win

“You can’t propose to Charlotte by just handing her a puppy, it’s boring. Big mistake. Big. HUGE!” I yell, taking a sip of my beer.

“I’m really concerned that you just quoted Pretty Woman,” Gavin states with a shake of his head.

“Dude, that’s every guy’s dream. Get a hooker for the night and then keep her forever without having to pay by the hour.”

Gavin sets his bottle down and stares at me. “That is NO man’s dream.”

“You’re out of touch with reality, my friend. It’s every man’s dream, they just don’t like to talk about it,” I explain. “I’m breaking the silence! HOOKERS ARE PEOPLE TOO!”

While Ava and Charlotte went out with Rocco tonight for some girl time, Gavin and I decided to stay in so he could drum up some proposal ideas. So far, all of them suck ass, so I called in reinforcement to help him out. I mean really, this is going to be one of the biggest days of his life. He needs help.

“Alright, I’ve got jumper cables, ten quarts of BBQ sauce and a really nice rhinestone tiara that we could take apart and shape into a ring,” Drew announces as he walks through Gavin’s front door, his arms full of bags.

He kicks the door closed behind him and dumps everything in the middle of the living room.

“I already bought Charlotte a ring, we don’t need to make one,” Gavin says, getting up from the couch to look through the bags.

“Fine, be a snobby little bitch. I’ll have you know I make beautiful decoupage rings out of Polymer Clay, rubber cement and Mod Podge,” he announces proudly.

Gavin ignores him, reaching into a bag and pulling out the largest flesh-colored rubber fist I’ve ever seen. He holds it up in the air staring at it while the thing flops back and forth.

“What the ever living f**k is this?” Gavin asks. “Please tell me this is not an actual FISTING fist.”

Drew smiles and walks over to Gavin, grabbing the fist out of his hand. “This is Duke. He’s a member of the family and he wants to help with the proposal.”

Drew shakes the fist in front of Gavin’s face. “Say hi to Duke.”

Gavin scrunches up his face and moves away from the rubber fist. “I swear to God if that thing is one of yours and Aunt Jenny’s sex toys I am going to puke all over this floor.”

Drew pulls Duke close to his chest and looks at Gavin in shock. “I would NEVER defile Duke like that.”

He holds the fist up to his face and speaks in a baby voice. “Don’t you listen to big, bad Gavin, Duke. Daddy loves you.”

“Where in the hell did you even get that thing?” I ask, staring in awe at Duke. If it wasn’t so creepy looking, it really would be a thing of beauty. When I say it’s a fist, I mean it’s a f**king fist from elbow to fingers. That thing has got to be at least twelve inches long and six inches in diameter.

“Jenny and I rescued him from a sex toy mill,” Drew tells us.

“I’m sorry, a what?” Gavin asks.

“A sex toy mill. It’s like a puppy mill but worse. All of these sex toys crammed into boxes with no light or air, just waiting to die. It was so hard to just save one when there were so many who could use our help, but we saw Duke and we knew he had to come home with us,” Drew explains, hugging Duke a little tighter to himself.

“Oh, sweet Jesus, that thing was a USED sex toy?” Gavin yells, scrambling up from the floor and moving as far away from Drew as possible.

Drew quickly sets Duke on the coffee table so he’s standing straight up in the air and covers his hands over Duke’s closed fist. “SHHHHHH! Not so loud, ass**le! We don’t like to talk about Duke’s horrific past.”

Drew goes over to the couch and flops down on the cushions. “So, I was thinking Duke could help you out with the proposal. He just had a manicure and he has an appointment for a facial tomorrow.”

I laugh. “Let me guess, a cream pie facial?”

Gavin dry heaves and Drew shakes his head at me.

“He lived that long, lonely life for far too long, Tyler. Duke is on to bigger and better things.”

Drew turns to Gavin who is currently pressed up against the far wall of the living room, as away from Duke as possible. “So, I was thinking. We could tie a ribbon around Duke’s neck with the stupid ring you BOUGHT from a store and you could hold him out to Charlotte. We’ve been practicing his ‘serene’ face and I totally think he’s got it down.”