Below Deck

CHAPTER 17

Declan

“Jesus, how are you this wet already?”

“Because of you…”

“Because of you…”

“Because of you…”

“Declan, did you hear me?”

I jerk my eyes away from the window in the bridge when the captain’s voice penetrates my thoughts, trying to wipe the guilty look off my face.

“Yes, sorry, sir, I heard you. I was just thinking about the things we needed to get done today while the guests are off the ship.

The lie flies easily off my tongue, and I mentally curse myself that I’m being dishonest with Captain Michael for the first time in four years. I didn’t hear a word he said, and I definitely wasn’t thinking about what I needed to do around the ship. I was too busy staring down at Mackenzie while she lounged on the couch down below in that damn blue bikini, thinking about what happened in the rain forest yesterday and how completely and utterly fucked I am. I’ve always been good at keeping emotions and feelings separate from the women I hook up with, but something about Mackenzie makes that impossible. Not only is she the best sex I’ve ever had, she’s fun and easy-going. I find myself wanting to tell her everything, about my life, about my past, and most importantly, about my future. I’m starting to wonder what the hell I’ll do with myself when she’s not on this ship anymore and it’s freaking me the fuck out. It’s also distracting me, something we both promised wouldn’t happen. I’m not angry, not like before. I’m just…confused. And I don’t want the captain thinking my head isn’t on straight, especially now, when everything I’ve ever wanted is right within my grasp.

“I asked if everything was going okay with your studies for the captain’s exam,” he says, repeating his earlier question that I missed.

“It’s going fine, sir. I plan on taking the exam as soon as the charter season is over.”

I don’t tell him that I haven’t even looked at the book since Mackenzie stepped foot on the Helios. It’s not like I really need to study since I’ve been preparing myself for this exam for the last two years, but I definitely shouldn’t ignore it and just assume I’m going to pass. I need to find a way to balance everything. I have no fucking clue how to do that, when all I can think about is spending as much time with Mackenzie before she leaves. In three days. Just the idea that I only have three more days makes a knot form in my stomach.

“I know you’ve been busy with this charter; these guests seem to be a little more demanding than others we’ve had,” Captain Michael replies with a chuckle, being professional enough to not come right out and say that Allyson and Arianna are the biggest bitches we’ve ever had on board. “But whenever you have free time, feel free to ask me any questions, or spend more time up here in the wheelhouse. Whatever you need to pass the exam.”

This is what I’ve been waiting for since I first asked him at the start of this season if he would help me on my road to becoming a captain. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted, but for some reason, it doesn’t make me as excited as it should.

“You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, Declan. You work hard, you get along with everyone, you handle your crew better than any other Bosun who’s ever worked for me, and you don’t let anything interfere with that.”

The serious look he’s giving me makes that knot flare up in my stomach all over again, and I have the urge to rub my hand against it to make it go away. If he only knew just how much I was letting things interfere.

“But, you also need to get a life,” he finishes, making my eyes widen in shock.

He laughs at the obvious look of surprise on my face and crosses his arms over his chest.

“You’re too serious all the time, Declan. I think you’d make a great captain and I would be proud to mentor you, but do you think I got where I am today by doing nothing but eat, breathe, and sleep this job?” he asks. “My wife would kick my ass. You have to know how to live and have a little fun. You have to have a life off this boat or your guests are going to feel it. You can’t give them a memorable experience if you have no memories to draw from.”

He drops his arms and pushes himself away from the control equipment counter with his hip, walking over to me and resting his hands on my shoulders.

“Yesterday, after you got back to the ship, was the happiest and most laid back I’d seen you in four years, Declan. You need a little more of that in your life, or this job will kill you and you’ll grow to hate it.”

I don’t tell him I was happy and laid back because I, in fact, got laid while I was off the ship. Not because it’s the most unprofessional thing in the world to admit to your captain, but because that wasn’t the only reason I was in such a good mood. Spending time with Mackenzie, listening to her talk, watching her love every minute of whatever she’s doing, even if it was something as simple as a horseback ride or a walk through the woods in the rain…that’s what made me get back on board with a smile on my face.

Captain gives my shoulders a squeeze before pulling back and walking around me.

“The guests are planning on having a picnic on the beach for breakfast and then doing some sightseeing around the island. I’m putting you on babysitting duty again today, and you can take Ben with you. Eddie can stay back and handle things here,” he informs me. “Go have another day learning how to relax before we pull up anchor tonight and start heading back to St. Thomas.”