“A breast pump?” he asked, sounding like a damned parrot. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to know how those things worked. “I’m sorry I speculated.”
“Don’t tell me you find talking about breast pumps embarrassing,” she teased.
“To tell the truth, I really never gave something like that a second thought.” Nor was he sure he wanted to.
It wasn’t exactly the subject that made him uncomfortable, it was the fact that he just flat didn’t know anything about taking care of an infant. As he started the movie and they settled back against the soft brown leather couch cushions, he decided it might not be a bad idea to start a list of things he needed to research on the internet before the baby was born. He’d taken his turn babysitting his niece and nephews on occasion, but they had been several months old and it had only been for a few hours at a time. If he was going to do this “dad” thing right, it appeared that he needed to learn a whole lot more about newborns and their care. Unlike his biological father, he wasn’t going to mess things up and fail at something this important.
About halfway through the fast-paced comedy, he noticed Jessie start to yawn and without a second thought, he put his arm around her. When she leaned back to stare up at him, he thought she might pull away, but to his relief she drowsily rested her head against his shoulder and in no time he could tell by her shallow breathing that she was sound asleep.
He smiled. It was further proof that she was definitely letting down her guard with him. Now all he had to do was make sure he didn’t become impatient and push for more before she was ready. Considering all he could think about was how sweet her kisses were and how responsive she was when they made love, that was going to be damned hard to do. But he had too much riding on the outcome of her month with him to screw up things with Jessie this time around.
When the movie ended, Nate was reluctant to let her go. Instead of waking her to go upstairs to bed as he should have, he turned the television to the late-night news and continued to hold her. As he sat there pretending to watch what the meteorologist predicted for the next few days, he thought about the woman in his arms and the baby she carried. Wondering if he could feel the baby move, he placed his hand on her stomach and waited.
“It’s not unheard of, but I think it’s a bit too soon for you to be able to feel movement,” Jessie murmured.
“But you can feel him?” he asked, leaving his hand on her stomach. At least he was touching her, even if it was several inches below where he’d like his hand to be resting.
She nodded as she sat up straight. “At first I wasn’t sure because it was just a light fluttery feeling.”
Nate had never wondered when a pregnant woman felt a baby move. But he was finding there were a lot of things he had never thought about before that had become very important since Jessie had announced he was going to be a daddy.
“How long ago was that?”
“I first noticed it about three weeks ago and then it gradually became stronger and more frequent.” She smiled. “Now it’s starting to feel a little more like she’s gently nudging me.”
“And that doesn’t hurt or make you feel sick?” If he had something moving around inside of him, he was pretty sure he would be as sick as a five-year-old kid after eating a full bag of Halloween candy.
Instead of answering his question, she used her index finger to poke him just above his navel. He immediately started laughing and caught her to him to keep her from doing it again.
“Not fair.” He grinned. “You know that’s the one place I’m ticklish.”
“You wanted to know how it felt,” she answered, her laughter joining his. “I just thought I’d show you.”
As he held her close and their eyes met, their smiles faded. “I want to kiss you, Jessie.”
“That wouldn’t be a good idea,” she said, her voice soft and not at all discouraging.
“Do you want me to kiss you, darlin’?” he asked, cupping her cheek with his palm.
“No.”
He kissed her cheek and the tip of her nose. “I’ve never known you to lie before.”
She stared at him for what seemed like an eternity before she answered. “Nate, there are times when what we want and what’s best for us are two different things.”
If there had been any question that she was afraid he would hurt her again, it had just been answered. He could have kicked himself for causing Jessie so much heartache, but he couldn’t change that now. All he could do now was move forward and make sure that it didn’t happen again.