Fair enough, he thought. Both of them were living their own fantasy and their perceptions had led to...him leaving. Not her actions, she couldn’t have been more perfectly suited to him during that weekend.
“Where do we go from here?” she asked.
“We’re going to date. Real dating. To see if our bond was real,” he said.
Alysse shook her head and pushed back from the table. She paced to the edge of the cabana where she looked out at the shore. Waves gently lapped on the beach.
He stood up and walked over to her, putting his hand on her shoulder. She shrugged his hand away and he realized for the hundredth time what a monumental task he’d set for himself.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“That I’m not sure I can do this,” she said. “I know that I have said that before but the more time I spend with you, the harder it is to remember that I have moved on.”
Her words cut him, but he knew that they shouldn’t. He was lucky she’d stayed for dinner. He knew each date would be a test to pass, he thought. That was motivation enough. It gave him something to focus on, something concrete that didn’t make him feel so unsure.
“We are going to figure this out. If for no other reason than that we both need to resolve what happened.”
“How do you mean?”
“I don’t want to be the man who hurt you and you don’t want to be the woman with the broken heart.”
She pursed her lips as she turned and looked at him.
“It’s the truth.”
“Yes, it is. I just don’t want it to be. But you’re right, I need something that only you can give me, and I’m going to be ruthless about taking it, Jay. I won’t make this easy for you.”
He smiled and felt something tight in his chest relax. “I wouldn’t want you any other way.”
“Do you want me?” she asked. “Or do you just want a version of me? This isn’t Vegas. I’m not going to have time to just lie in bed with you and have sex all day.”
He hardened at the thought of that. That was one of his fantasies, but he also wanted more from her than the physical. Their bond had started with light flirting and kisses that he still didn’t quite believe were real. No one had ever tasted as good as Alysse or had fitted into his arms just the way she did.
“Who said anything about sex?” he asked.
She closed the gap between the two of them. He held himself still as she ran her finger down the center of his chest, poking him. “This entire setup is about seduction and we both know it. So give me the truth, Marine.”
He took a deep breath. “I don’t know how to handle you without the sex,” he said. “In bed I know what I’m doing and...well, it makes our relationship a lot easier.”
“That’s not a relationship,” she said.
“I know. Believe me, if it was we’d still be together and the last few years would have been much different.”
She smiled at him. “I don’t understand you, Jay.”
He didn’t understand himself. This crossroads had started in the desert sand but it was turning into a crisis inside him. Something that he had to resolve, or he knew he’d end up just as bitter and lonely as his old man had been. Having a chance at happiness with Alysse—he knew he couldn’t, wouldn’t, give that up.
“I don’t either, but we can do something about it,” he said.
“You are very confident about this.”
“It’s the only plan I’ve got. I’m kind of invested in making it work.”
She nodded. “Things are going to be different this time.”
“I get that,” he said.
“Good. I’m not the passive person I used to be.”
He laughed that she said that with a straight face. “You are so far from passive. From the beginning you had me wrapped around your little finger.”
“Did I?” she asked. “It felt the other way around to me.”
In that instant he knew that the bond they’d formed had its grounding in something beyond just sex. He had always known it deep inside because she’d never left his thoughts even when they had half the world between them. But she’d made him very aware that the feelings weren’t one-sided. And that gave him more hope than he probably deserved.
* * *
THE WAITER LIT the tiki torches near them and delivered a coffee service. She glanced at her watch, knowing she should be leaving, but she didn’t want to go just yet. Jay made her feel as if this was the first day of the rest of her life.