He thrust once more, then twice again before his hot release came. Falling forward, he rested his head between her shoulder blades. She stood there until her breathing slowed and he slipped his arms around her waist and held her.
Eventually, he pulled away from her, but took her in his arms. “Bedroom?”
She put her hand on his jaw as she saw the haunted look in his eyes. For the first time she understood that he had no idea how to deal with the emotions she’d elicited in him.
She pointed down the hallway. She wanted to pretend she was just using him for sex, but when he came into her bedroom and lay down beside her, she knew it wasn’t just sex. He might have been unable to face her when they’d made love earlier, but now he cradled her in his arms, cuddled her close and made her feel as if he wasn’t ever going to let her go. She focused on his lightly hairy chest rising and falling until exhaustion claimed her and she fell asleep. It felt like a fantasy. She knew that this time with him wasn’t real. She had to remember that, she thought, as she drifted off.
* * *
JAY DIDN’T SLEEP as he held Alysse in his arms, but he did enjoy having her naked body pressed to his side. She snored softly in her sleep and he couldn’t for the life of him remember holding her this way in Vegas. If he had it hadn’t been as important as it was now.
He knew he’d played into her thought tonight that she was using him for sex. She wasn’t. No matter what Alysse told herself she didn’t have it in her to use anyone, least of all someone she cared for.
He knew that if he were a better man he’d walk away. He wasn’t exactly sure why he didn’t, except that when he was with her, despite his indecision about the future, he felt okay.
He stroked her hair and glanced at his watch, knowing he should go. She had to get up early and she might not want him to spend the night.
But he was reluctant to leave. He didn’t want her to wake up alone and think he’d abandoned her again. Damn, he was trapped. But it was the sweetest situation he’d ever found himself in. He felt his pulse slow and his eyes grew a bit heavier.
He rolled to his side, pulled her closer and drifted off to sleep. His dreams were dark and disturbing. He found himself back in Afghanistan, lying in cover, waiting for his target. He saw the dust rising in the east as a caravan of fast-moving SUVs headed toward him. He glanced at his scout and it was Alysse calling out the coordinates of the wind and the trajectory. And instead of lying down in cover she was standing next to him in her chef’s jacket and hat.
What the hell was she doing here? Alysse should never be in the battle zone. Damn. This was a huge mistake.
“Get down,” he yelled. Rolling at her legs, knocking her to the ground so that she didn’t present as large a target. She popped her head up and he pushed it down before tucking her underneath him. “It’s dangerous.”
“You were supposed to protect me,” she spat.
“I’m trying,” he said. But he knew they’d been spotted and heard the convoy stop below their position. She wasn’t listening to his orders. She was putting them both in harm’s way and he had no way to save her.
“Stop smothering me.” She struggled against him and he felt the whiz of a bullet flying past his head. He grabbed her more firmly, keeping her in place underneath him.
“Stop moving or we’ll die,” he ordered. God, he couldn’t let anything happen to her. He didn’t want Alysse to die. He wanted her safe and happy.
He had to get her out of here. He wrapped his arms around her and scanned the area. He’d roll them down the hill to the safety of a small copse of trees.
“Jay?” she asked, her hand on his shoulder. “Wake up.”
“What?” he asked. The dream faded away. He was in Alysse’s bed, on top of her. She had her hands on his chest and lightly pushed against him. Dammit, he weighed at least a hundred pounds more than she did and he was crushing her.
“Sorry,” he said, quickly rolling off her. He sat up and put his feet on the ground. With his head in his hands, he took several deep breaths.
“Are you okay?” she asked, gently touching his back.
“Yeah. I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” he said.
“That’s okay. Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, pulling on a nightshirt and moving around to sit next to him on the edge of the bed. She wrapped one arm around his shoulders and he didn’t want to let her comfort him. He’d scared her and jerked her out of sleep. He didn’t deserve this, but he sopped it up. He needed her. And that was scary because as Alysse had said in the dream, he was supposed to be her protector and he had no idea if he could do that.