She hoped that Allan would see a woman who was confident and knew what she was doing instead of a bundle of nerves who might have bitten off more than she could chew. Even the metaphorical armor she was mentally wearing felt tattered, but more from the inside than from any outer blows. It was going to be hard to keep these two parts of their lives separate.
Because she wasn’t used to separating her emotions from any of her decisions. And Dec was certainly a man who made her feel emotional.
Eight
Dec ordered a dinner from his favorite restaurant for delivery at seven. Since the first evening they’d eaten together in Cari’s office almost two weeks ago, it had become his favorite time of the day. Most of the staff was still present, but as he approached Cari’s office he noted that her assistant was gone. He stood in the doorway watching her sitting on the floor with DJ.
DJ noticed him in the doorway, rolled onto all fours and crawled over to him.
“Uh, hello, Dec.”
“What are you trying to teach him?” Dec asked, putting the take-out food on the credenza and reaching down to pick up his son. He felt that kick in the chest again from the thought that this was his progeny. He hugged DJ and the boy smiled up at him and made a grab for his nose. “Mamama.”
“No,” Dec said. “Dada.”
“Mamama,” DJ said.
“He’s stubborn, must get that from—”
“Watch it, buddy,” Cari said, getting to her feet.
“I was going to say me,” Dec said, carrying DJ over to the desk where she had set his carrier. “Is he sitting here while we eat?”
“Yes. I have some yogurt in my fridge for him. Do you feel comfortable getting him settled?”
“Sure,” Dec said. He might be new to this dad thing, but with Cari close by he figured he could handle it. Besides, there was little in his life that he hadn’t been able to figure out. And this was no different. When he’d first struck out on his own he’d had nothing but his wits to guide him, having refused to touch the money his parents had wanted to give him, and his desire to prove himself. And he’d done a damned fine job of it.
“Do you need a hand?” she asked as she came back with the yogurt.
He’d been staring at the car seat instead of putting the baby in it. He got him in and fastened the straps before turning to the dinner he’d brought for them. “Mind if I close the door?”
“Not at all,” Cari said.
She started spoon-feeding DJ mouthfuls of yogurt, and the little man didn’t look too thrilled with that. “Are you sure that’s good for him? He’s a boy.”
Cari rolled her eyes as she looked over at him. “I think I know what my son needs.”
He held his hands up in a truce motion and went back to setting up their dinner. “I guess I’m a little jealous of all the bonding you’ve already done with our son and I hardly know anything about him. I didn’t even know he’d like yogurt.”
“Well, he loves chicken, too,” Cari said. “I can see you have a lot to catch up on. Are you sure you want to put in the effort?”
He looked at her and wondered what she was getting at. The first stirrings of anger moved through him, but then he looked down into her eyes and saw an emotion that looked like fear in them. He had to remember that he’d left her. After one night.
“What are you thinking?” she asked.
“That I wish you’d told me about him before he was born,” Dec said with all the emotion he felt. “I feel like you cheated me.”
“I know I did,” she said. “I can’t even say I’d do it differently now. Given that we had a one-night stand and you weren’t easy to find…it just seemed like maybe I was meant to keep DJ for myself.”
“I can understand that,” he said, and that was a big part of why he was conflicted. He also felt that she was fully justified to have some doubts where he was concerned. “I do want to. I don’t know if I’m changing or what this is, Cari, and you have every right to question me. Because every time you do it just reinforces my own desire to be here for my son.”
She gave him a tentative smile. “Good. I intend to.”
She wiped DJ’s face and then went back to the refrigerator, heated the milk in the microwave and returned with a bottle.
“Is he on formula?” Dec asked.
“No. It’s milk I expressed earlier,” she said. “It’s easier to keep to my work schedule if I do it this way.”
She handed the bottle to DJ who took it and started sucking on it. A few minutes later his eyes started to drift shut. “He’s like clockwork. After he eats he needs a nap.”