Never Got Over You

My heart felt even heavier now than it did years ago, but this time I was going to follow my logic instead of my emotions.

I clicked on a one bedroom apartment in Manhattan and gasped at the price. I clicked on three more, wondering if the site was mistakenly adding extra zeroes to all the list prices. As I pulled up my hotel options, I heard a familiar and deep voice right next to me, and the scent of his intoxicating cologne followed.

“Kate,” James said. “Kate, I know I’m the last person you want to talk to right now, but I need you to listen to me.”

I kept my gaze on my phone’s screen, adjusted the strap of the bag on my shoulder.

“Kate,” he repeated, stepping around to face me. “It’ll only take five minutes to say what I need to say.”

“I think you’ve said enough.” I noticed that his eyes were bloodshot red, that he looked as if he’d had as much trouble sleeping the night before as I did. Still, he didn’t deserve any more time from me, and the second the security guard emerged from the restroom, I was going to flag him over my way.

“I read your letter,” he said. “I’ve been reading it over and over all day.”

“I hope it was entertaining.” I moved past him and walked over to the windows. I hoped he would get the hint, but the moment I set down my bag, he was stepping in front of me again.

“James.” My voice cracked. “I don’t want to hear a single word that you have to say. I just want to take my last paycheck, what’s left of my dignity, and stay the hell away from you.”

“I didn’t know that they made you marry Grant for convenience.” He kept talking, his voice hoarse. “I just thought you chose him over me, that you were done waiting.”

“You didn’t give me a chance to tell you.” I shook my head. “You didn’t want to listen to me.”

“I didn’t.” He looked into my eyes. “And I’m sorry.”

“I don’t forgive you.” I felt tears falling. “Please just go.”

“I had to lie to you about going to business school back then.” He closed the gap between us, telling me what I already knew. “I was working on oil rigs to make money, so I could be enough for you.”

I didn’t know that part… “Well, you should probably resist the urge to hold back details like that, the next time you have a girlfriend.”

“I don’t want any other girlfriends, Kate.” He wiped away my stray tears with his fingertips. “I only want you.”

“I’ve already committed to Spotify,” I said, feeling an ache in my chest. “They expect me to start in three weeks.”

He stared at me, wiped more of my tears away. For a moment, it felt like we were the only people in the airport, a terminal for two.

“Ladies and gentlemen who are taking flight 1873 with service to New York City, please direct your attention to Gate 23A,” the gate agent’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “We will begin boarding within the next few minutes.”

“I know you’re upset with me, Kate.”

“I’m beyond upset with you.”

“I know that,” he said, looking into my eyes. “And if you still want to leave after I say what I need to say, then I won’t stand in your way.”

“We’re boarding in five minutes.”

“She said ‘a few’, not five.” His lips curved into a slight smile, but it quickly faded. “I know I can’t take back what I said the other night, but I need you to know that you’ve always had an effect on me—even when you weren’t a part of my life.”

“We are now asking that customers who need assistance or additional time to board, as well as any active military personnel, please board the aircraft at this time.” The gate agent’s voice came over the speakers.

James ignored her intrusion and continued. “If it weren’t for you leaving and moving on, I don’t think I would’ve worked as hard. Actually, I know I wouldn’t have.”

“I didn’t move on from you on purpose, James.”

“I know that now.” He cupped my face in his hands. “Let me finish.” He waited a few seconds as passengers moved behind him. “I became who I am today because of you, and despite the distance and time that’s separated us, no other woman has ever compared to you, Kate. Not a single one.”

I felt more tears falling down my face.

“If I’d known that Grant was putting his hands on you, I would’ve put a hit out on him.” He paused. “Now, that I do know that, I’ve taken care of it.”

I blinked. I wasn’t sure if I’d heard that right, if my crying was distorting things.

“I want to spend the rest of my life making things right with you, and I’m begging you to let me.”