Lachlan deserves to have a family of his own. He deserves more than to only ever raise another man’s child. Sure, he’ll probably deny it when I ask him if that’s enough for him, but what happens one day when reality hits and he resents me? He’ll either stay with me out of guilt or leave me.
My mind goes to my father. He’s not someone I ever try to think or talk about. But right now, it doesn’t surprise me he’s who pops into my head. He was with my mom for years, but when she couldn’t conceive, he started to cheat on her. Jax and Jase were both born and then a couple years later I came. But by then he was fully living a double life…well, actually three lives, if you include his other wife no one knew about. He chose my mom over the others and sought custody of Jax and Jase, proving their mom to be unfit. She ended up committing suicide.
I feared Rick would do the same thing to me when I found out I was pregnant—try to prove me to be unfit. Only he died, and I was able to raise Kinsley on my own. Would Lachlan cheat on me if I couldn’t get pregnant? Would he seek another woman to fill in the gaps I’m not capable of filling in? I want to say no, but I’ve seen what men are capable of doing.
Unable to fall asleep, my mind races with every doubt and insecurity, every worst case scenario and what if, until the tears are racing down my cheeks as I mourn the loss of Lachlan and me and our future.
Just as my eyes are finally closing, the door creaks open. I know it’s Lachlan without seeing him. I can feel his overpowering presence, and it takes everything in me not to lose it.
After he shuffles around the room, the bed dips down as he climbs in behind me, his strong arms wrapping around my torso. I let my lids flutter shut, reveling in the warmth his body and touch radiates. He snuggles closer to me and nestles his face into the back of my hair. “I know you’re awake,” he murmurs. “I can practically hear your mind spinning, and your body is stiff with tension.” He runs his hand down the curve of my hip and over my thigh. “My mom said you’ve been in the room all night. Did something happen?”
I inhale deeply and exhale slowly, trying to decide what to do or say. I never want to lie to Lachlan. So, I answer his question with one of my own. “Do you want your own kids?” I stay lying with my back to Lachlan, and I’m surprised when he lets me. His fingers still on my thigh, and I feel him tense up. I already know his answer, but I wait for him to say it.
“No,” he murmurs, and I close my eyes, the silent tears breaking out from under my lids and falling.
He lied to me. His answer should’ve been yes, but he said no. He chose to protect me with a lie, instead of breaking my heart with the truth. And by doing so, I now know what needs to happen next.
Twenty-Four
Lachlan
Over the next two days I watch helplessly as Quinn pushes me away. She attends the wedding with me, speaks politely when spoken to, smiles at the right time—although every one of them is fake—laughs when someone says a joke, and takes tons of pictures of everything around her. But I can feel it, she’s retreating back into her shell.
When she asked me if I wanted my own kids, I knew something was wrong. She wouldn’t have asked that out of nowhere. Something was said, probably by fucking Shea. I don’t know. I tried to further explain my answer after I said no, but Quinn wouldn’t let me. She complained of a stomachache and retreated to the bathroom, locking it behind her. When she finally came out, I tried again, but she cut me off, telling me she was tired and wanted to get some sleep.
On the plane ride home, she faked sleeping for half the trip. The other half, she plugged in her headphones and worked on edits. I can literally feel her slipping from my fingers, and I have no idea how to fix this. I don’t know what to ask, what to say.
Because we live in different parts of the city, after we get our bags from luggage claim, she insists we take different cabs home. I try to argue, but when she says she just needs some space, that she misses Kinsley and wants to spend some alone time with her, I know I’m stuck.
As she gets into the cab, she kisses my cheek and gives me a sad smile, and I can feel it in my bones, I’ve lost her before I ever truly had her. I close the door, in shock, and watch as the cab drives away. I take the next cab home, staring at my phone, wondering if I should text or call her. Debating if she just needs space. But then when I’m home and in my room, as I’m pulling my jeans off to change into a pairs of sweats, a diamond ring falls out of my front pocket, hitting the wood floor with a clink, confirming what I already know.