I brace myself for an outburst, but nothing comes. My baby is worn out.
“Okay,” she says and tucks her face into the crook of my neck. “Love you, Mommy.”
“I love you, too, baby girl. I love you so much.”
I hug her close and keep walking. It’s going to be okay, just the two of us.
Chapter Two
Lainey
It’s a miracle, but the tiny efficiency that I had scouted out in the two days before I left home was only two buses away from Stacks. I get my key from the manager, along with a list of all the things I can’t do in the apartment including keep a pet, smoke, or light a fire. The place is tiny and there are bars on the window, but it’s clean and comes furnished with a sofa, side table, lamp and a bed. There are two wooden stools tucked under a small kitchen island.
Cassidy barely lifts her head from my shoulder as I maneuver inside the apartment. I carry her into the room and lay her on the bed. On the floor next to her, I dump out my bag. Along with the diapers, formula, bibs, and plastic baggies full of apple sauce and cereal, a shower of dust and pebbles fall out. The image of Nick Jackson crouching next to me, his longer, capable fingers plucking Cassidy’s little picture books and teething toys off the ground and slowly wiping them clean, flits through my head.
The tenderness with which he acted, the care he took, the kindness makes my throat tight. Someday, I’m going to find someone like that—someone who will love and treasure Cass and me. It’s not going to be today. It’s not going to be a pro football player who has bags of money and lots of women knocking down his door, but someday, that can be mine.
There’s nothing wrong with me having that dream, but for now, I have to face reality. I’m a twenty-year-old mom with only five hundred dollars to my name. The rent for the apartment is paid for only the first month, and the cost of Cassidy’s daycare is twice what the rent is. I’m going to have to earn a crap ton of tips at Stacks or find another job.
A wave of exhaustion sweeps over me. I set my bag on the floor and crawl into bed next to Cassidy. Her cheeks are flushed and her little baby lips are pursed into a tiny cupid’s bow. I drop a kiss against them and snuggle up. I don’t really need a man. I’m okay as long as I have Cass.
I should’ve taken more money from my savings account, but Momma felt she deserved it for letting me stay in the house for the last two years. It didn’t seem right to argue with her. I doubt I would’ve survived my teen pregnancy if I hadn’t had a roof over my head. I’m not mad at Momma for kicking me out. I’m just scared is all. I’m here in the big city and I don’t know anyone but Chip and, for Cass’s safety and mine, it’s better that we act like we don’t know anyone.
I heave a sad sigh. I need to get the rest of our stuff out of Chip’s car. The idea is depressing. No doubt, he’ll make me do something humiliating, particularly after what happened today at the bar. Maybe I was wrong about getting a job where I’d have to see him on a regular basis. In the heat of the moment, it seemed like the right thing to do. I’m not so certain anymore. Still, it’s a job and I can work it until another one comes along.
I want to sleep for a month, but I need our stuff. I roll upright and grab my phone.
Can we meet? You have my stuff.
There’s no immediate answer and no indication he’s even read the message. I wouldn’t put it past him to block me. Fine. I’ll take this opportunity to sleep. I need it. Cass will wake up in a couple of hours and I’ll need my energy.
It’s nearly dinner time when I feel Cass stir. I hold my hand to her forehead. It’s cool. I exhale in relief and push myself off the bed. A quick glance at the phone reveals no messages. None from Momma wondering if I made it okay and none from Chip. In my suitcase is a whole package of diapers. That’s what I really want. Those things are expensive. It’ll be so nice when Cass is potty trained and I can redirect the money from diapers into other things.
I lay out the cereal and apple sauce I had in my bag. She can snack on the cereal as we go to the grocery store. I wake her up, use one of the two extra diapers I had in my bag, and then wash her face.