His Father

He pats the bed beside him but I decline, needing space right now.

When there’s a knock on the door Maddox stands to open it and Cassius walks inside, a tray in his hands. “I come with coffee and snacks.”

“You didn’t have to do that, Uncle Cass,” Maddox says as the tray is placed on the table by my bed.

“Don’t mention it.” He looks at my drawing. “That’s incredible. So dark… makes me feel uneasy.”

“Sorry.”

His chuckle is quiet but there. “Why are you apologizing? Art is supposed to make you feel things.” Then he clicks his fingers. “Actually, I know the owner of a gallery in the city who would probably love your work. I could put in a word if you like?”

“I’ve asked so much of you already.”

Maddox and he share a look which communicated things I don’t understand.

He replies, “you haven’t asked me for anything. I’ll get bragging rights if you make it big time.”

I finally smile, it’s weak but it’s real and my heart thumps a beat. “Thanks, Cassius. For everything.”

Cassius put me and Maddox up that very night. All Maddox did was show up on his doorstep. Cassius stepped to the side and we’ve been here ever since. He’s a great host, a lot nicer than Sargent was in the beginning but I’m finding it hard to bond and make an effort. I don’t feel good. Mentally, physically, emotionally.

I’m broken right now.

“Any time,” he replies, smiling brightly. He’s handsome, but he’s not Sargent. “Maddox, can we talk a moment?”

Maddox nods and leaves my room. I continue drawing until my phone rings.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

I stare at his name on my phone and chew on the end of my pencil.

Fuck it.

“Hey, Sargent,” I say softly as I place my pencil down and breathe slowly.

“Finally,” he responds, sounding so relieved I feel guilty for making him wait so long. “I’ve been worried.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I just needed time.”

He blows out a heavy breath. “I get that. I had so much to say and now I don’t even know where to begin.”

“I don’t blame you for what happened to me. I want you to know that before you start saying whatever it is.”

“What about with Nastya?” he asks cautiously but optimistically. “You have to know I didn’t want to do it. If it wasn’t for that herbal shit you got me for my birthday I never would have been able to.”

I didn’t want to know that. “Sarge…”

“No, Tempest, you have to believe that I wouldn’t do that. I’m not the kind of man that cheats on my woman.”

“Was I your woman?”

I hear him shift, as though changing positions. “What does that mean?”

“It means…” I don’t even know what it means. “Why are you trying to get me to understand anything anyway?”

“Why?”

“Yes, why?”

“Because I don’t want to lose you.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re good together.”

“That’s the only reason?” I just need him to say it. I need to hear the words.

He pauses and then when he speaks, his tone is different, softer but deeper. “I care for you, very much. You know that. I know you do.”

“But you don’t love me.” Spending this time apart from him has been an eye opener. I’ve been able to truly look at the past few weeks and see them for what they are. Like the moment he told me he loved me and I’d been so elated I almost missed the regret in his eyes immediately after he said it. Like the next day when I said it back and ignored his flinch and put it off as something else. “Do you? It’s one-sided. You’re not even sure you ever will.”

“Tempest…” He pauses again and I want to demand an answer. “I don’t know what to say because I don’t want to lose what we have but I also don’t want to give you false hope.”

“I’m just a time filler, aren’t I? I’m just here until you get bored. Which could literally be any day, at any time.”

“Isn’t that the same for anybody?”

“No, because love doesn’t go away overnight on a whim for something newer,” I reply. “And after seeing all of that death and all of that drama… I just don’t think I want to waste any more time on somebody who can’t promise me a future.”

“Nobody can promise you that this early on,” he insists gruffly.

“You can promise me you won’t love me though, can’t you?”

Yet again I receive nothing but silence.

“Sargent!” I snap. “Answer me.”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose my sanity to you.”

He chuckles but I can tell it’s forced. “Let me take you to dinner, we can talk about this face-to-face, clear the air. This should be a conversation in person. Where are you?”

“I’d rather just…” It’s hard to say because I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to break up with him because I do love him. I shouldn’t, I know it. “I’m at Cassius’.”