From Rags by

Everyone but Ollie burst out laughing. “W-well,” stammered Ollie, “like you said, he was plastered.” He wasn’t going to get through to her, he could see that. At least they had the tour coming up soon. That would get her away from McKenzie for a while. Maybe she would see things more clearly with him far away, or maybe McKenzie would meet someone else while she was gone and this could be over before it got any worse.

Jaxxon stretched. “Well, as fun as this has been, I must go.” She stood and joined her hands as if in prayer. “I promise to file away all your advice, Papa Wolves.”

As she drove back to her apartment, she tried not to think on that advice. Tried really hard. But Ollie had got her thinking. She’d known that she could never come out of all this emotionally unscathed. But she hadn’t given much thought until now into how she would be put under a microscope having every expression scrutinised and dissected. She wouldn’t be allowed to wallow and heal in peace. The public would know the full extent of her pain. And, therefore, so would Connor. That was something she really hadn’t banked on.

Was Ollie right, was it better to put a stop to all this now?

She wasn’t sure that she could. Her yearning for him was just so strong. Even if she did try to end it she doubted Connor would accept that yet. Not when he’d proposed they didn’t see other people – that wasn’t a sign that he was looking to put a stop to this very soon. If he wanted to contest her decision to finish things, he wouldn’t need to browbeat her. No, all he would have to do was show up, nothing more. As soon as he was in close proximity to her, what was left of her will would totally crumble. How sad was that?

So what now? she asked herself as she pulled up outside her apartment building.

She supposed that all she could really do was hope that after a few more shags things would calm down. Obviously she’d have to promise herself that when it was over she wouldn’t curl up like a foetus and pine away. She would do what she did when she was fourteen and realised he wasn’t coming back; instead of treating it as an ending, she’d look at it as the beginning of something new. There was another promise she had to make to herself; if she suddenly developed stronger feelings for him she would put a firm stop to their arrangement. She couldn’t be with someone in any capacity who she loved who didn’t love her back.

It was as she locked the car that she saw the slip of paper jammed behind one of the windscreen-wipers. She pulled the paper free to find that it was actually an envelope with her name on in capital letters. Once in the empty elevator she tore it open and unfolded the white, plain paper inside. Only two words were written on it in black ink. ‘Die Bitch’.

Oh. Well that was not what she expected. She got letters from nutters all the time but never one that was malicious. It shouldn’t have spooked her. Words were just words. But a chill still passed through her, as if the paper was stained with the malice and spite that had seeped from whoever scrawled those two hateful words. Resolved that she wouldn’t let some fruitcake unsettle her, she rolled her eyes, sighed and screwed up the piece of paper and envelope. The ‘bitch’ part I can agree with, she thought with a smile.

She was just feeling a teensy bit more relaxed when the elevator doors opened and she saw that someone was crouched on the floor next to her door. For a reason she didn’t understand, she was weary of this woman. As Jaxxon got closer she saw the look of hopelessness on her face and how she had an arm curled around her stomach. When she stopped in front of her, the woman peered up and smiled. It was a sweet, innocent smile…but there was a falsity to it.

“You must be Jaxxon.”

The American accent surprised her. Was she supposed to know who this woman was? Her expression said she thought so. Jaxxon searched her memory. Yeah, the woman was familiar. A celebrity. If she had to guess, Jaxxon would say she was an actress…?

“My name’s Anita,” she said sweetly. “Anita Donovan.”

Now Jaxxon remembered her.

“I’m Connor’s ex-fiancée.”

That she hadn’t expected.

“Can I come in? I think we should talk.”

Her voice and smile were so sweet and pleading and friendly…and yet Jaxxon had no inclination to agree. Her instincts were going off big time here; they didn’t like this woman. It was a lot to do with that smile. It was beautiful and pure, yes, but there was that tiny curve to her lips on one side that suggested mischief and cunning. She had seen a similar smile on someone else. Leah. “We can talk right here. But make it quick.”

Anita flinched. “You don’t like me very much. I can understand. No one likes their boyfriend’s exes, do they? But I needed to see you.” Gingerly she rose from the floor.

Jaxxon eyed the beautiful woman with a degree of resentment. She had touched Connor – that was all it took for Jaxxon not to like her. And claiming to be his ex-fiancée…She may be his ex-bed buddy, but nothing more. She waited patiently for Anita to speak.

Anita twiddled her fingers, making a show of being nervous and feeling a little awkward. “I’m pregnant,” she lied well. She waited for a reaction. There wasn’t one. “The baby’s Connor’s,” she added, just in case Jaxxon was missing the point. Still no reaction. “I thought it only fair that you should know.” She gave a sad, low laugh. “He wouldn’t have told you, not until his hand was forced.” Finally Jaxxon responded. With a nod. That’s it?

Fairly pissed off about having to stand there while someone told her a barefaced lie and fully expected her to buy it, Jaxxon dug her keys out of her black, leather bag. “See ya.”

“Wait, please, wait,” said Anita quickly. This really wasn’t going how she planned. Jaxxon was supposed to gasp in horror at the news, feel jealous and envious and have an instinctive reaction to want to break it off with Connor.

“Sorry, was there something else?”

Yes, why aren’t you reacting like a normal person?! Anita flashed her that famous, angelic smile that had made her billions. “I just want to be sure you’re okay. I know it’s big news.”

“Oh I’m sorry, I’m being rude aren’t I. Congratulations on your fictional pregnancy!” With that, Jaxxon swung the door shut on Anita Donovan’s face.

What a bloody day.

The only explanation Connor could find for Dane’s behaviour was that he was determined to terminate their friendship. Why else would he have spent their entire tennis match repeatedly commenting on Jaxx’s body and on everything Warren had told him about last night and on what was printed in today’s newspaper?

‘Infatuated’, ‘besotted’, ‘territorial’ – the tabloids had made him sound like he was…What was that term? Pussy whipped. And it wasn’t great when it was broadcasted that you were in a serious relationship when you didn’t even believe in the concept.

In his experience, any type of relationship was fickle and unstable. His father proved that when he turned into an abusive alcoholic and, with one single act that Connor never allowed himself to think about, ruined the lives of those around him. His mother also proved Connor’s theory when she abandoned him because her new boyfriend didn’t want another bloke’s kid around. His aunt proved it when she refused to take him in even though she was the only other family he had. All those foster parents proved it when they passed him around like a parcel. His impression of people was that their own wishes always came first, no one could be truly counted on or be truly trusted, and they could all drop people so easily. That was why he lived life the way he did.

Dane had been having a whole lot of fun teasing Connor that Jaxx was his Niki; the woman who would end his wayward ways and have him walking down an aisle and being a daddy. Connor wasn’t sure whether he wished that was true or was relieved that it wasn’t. He’d made the decision at just nine years of age to never have any of that. For all he knew, Jaxx felt the same. She always said when they were younger that she could never see herself getting married. She could actually be as anxious as hell right now because of what the tabloids had printed. He doubted it. She had never much cared what other people thought of her. But what if she looked at that photo of them both looking all cozy and lovesick and panicked that he might want more? She had never explained exactly what her own individual reasons were for why she didn’t want anything more than casual sex between them. But how did he ask about those reasons without sounding like he was hinting for more?

As he sat in the car outside the gym waiting for Dane, he took his Blackberry from his pocket. Maybe if he phoned Jaxx, heard her voice, he could put his mind at rest. He’d rather see her, but after asking her to agree to them not seeing other people he didn’t want to do anything that might make it seem like things were now more intense, she would probably bolt. Usually he waited a few days before getting together with her again, so he would do the same this time. Still, a phone call couldn’t hurt.

“Hello.”

Connor tensed. She didn’t sound her usual self. There was a mixture of annoyance, fatigue and fretfulness in her tone. “Just checking to see how you are.”

“Why?”

Was that suspicion in her voice? “Because the tabloids printed an awful lot of crap and I wanted to make sure it hadn’t cheesed you off too much.”

“Oh. Like you said, it was just crap. Look, I’ve got to go.”

“Why?”

There was a huffing sound. “I don’t need to explain myself if I want to end a bloody phone call.” Then the line went dead.

He stared at his Blackberry, stunned. No one had ever hung up on him before. And what the hell had he done other than ask why she had to go? Had he been right when he speculated that she might be spooked by that photo and was ready to end things? Not a chance would he let her do that! He was surprised by the vehemence behind that thought. Of course they would end it eventually. Just not yet. He wasn’t ready yet.

Dane hopped into the car and looked curiously at Connor who seemed annoyed with his Blackberry. “Can’t you get a signal?”

“She put the phone down on me.”

He didn’t need to ask who Connor was talking about. At any other time, he would have smiled at the situation. “I’m not surprised.” Connor’s glare switched to him. “Niki just phoned. Anita just walked in the door ten minutes ago. Apparently she went to see Jaxxon.” A string of curses flew from Connor’s mouth. “Jaxxon didn’t mention it over the phone?”

“No,” he bit out. Why didn’t she tell him? Was that the reason for her mood? Given everything that was going on, there was a very strong chance that she was going to end it between them. Shit. He took off the handbrake, whizzed out of the parking space and sped onto the road, heading to Jaxx’s apartment.

“I take it you’re not dropping me off home first then.”

“If I get anywhere near your house it’s highly likely that I’ll barge in there and strangle that bitch.”

“Oh. Good choice then.” Dane wished that his best mate wasn’t living in a world of delusions. The real reason he was speeding straight to Jaxxon’s was because he wanted to check on her. Dane would do exactly the same if it was Niki. He’d been trying to make Connor see the truth, but he was starting to think that it wouldn’t happen until Connor was ready to face it. What concerned Dane was that it could take his stubborn mate a long time to face facts. Jaxxon Carter was a stunner, she had plenty of blokes admiring her wherever she went. If Connor took too long, he could lose her to one of them. Dane didn’t want to see that happen to this bloke who had done a lot for him over the years.

If it wasn’t for Connor, Dane’s son would never have survived his birth. Niki had abruptly gone into labour and Dane was miles away. Connor had whizzed round to get her and then whizzed her to the hospital. The doctors had told them that any longer and Little Dane would have been stillborn. Never would he forget what Connor had done. It made Dane feel like crap when he was stood there in a room with his family while Connor was stood on his own, even with his newest conquest hanging off him he always looked alone. If Jaxxon Carter could change that then Dane wanted her to stick around.

Jaxxon growled for like the tenth time in the past fifteen minutes. Why was it that when you wanted to be alone did you become popular all of a sudden? Her phone had been like a hot line since she walked through the door. First it was Ollie who was oh so sorry if he had seemed abrupt and overwhelming earlier. Then it was Richie with the same apology. Then it was Tony, also apologising for the lecture but then went on to repeat the lecture. Jaxxon had hung up at that point. Then Anna had called; she was going out with Warren for a carvery and had an overpowering urge to share her excitement with Jaxxon. Then Connor…who she really hadn’t wanted to speak to while her brain was so minced up.

She was certain she didn’t have the willpower to follow Ollie’s advice and eject Connor from her life and she was heavily irritated by this. Damn the sod! If he hadn’t turned up they would both be fully functioning people operating on a strictly normal level as opposed to being dominated by a lust so consuming and controlling that it bordered on an obsession.

A hot bath had been the best idea she could come up with to help de-stress and relax. For the first time in her life she had tried bath salts and candles and that soothing bubble bath that Anna had given her to try. Until today, Jaxxon hadn’t actually known that it was possible to get the simple running of a bath totally wrong. The candles wouldn’t stay alight, the different scents didn’t gel, and the bubble bath hadn’t produced more than ten bubbles. Needless to say she hadn’t stayed in it long and had come out more stressed out than what she was before.