From Rags by

“Are we really having this conversation?” Was he really being given ‘the talk’ by an eighteen year old girl?

“People meet her and think she can’t be hurt. So did I, but I’ve learnt that what makes her tough is that when she is hurt she deals with it.”

“I don’t need a lesson on Jaxx, alright. I know her a lot better than you.”

“Oh so then you know why she shies away from social touches? You know why she refuses to celebrate her birthday? You know why the smell of Vodka makes her wince?” His expression asked her to verify she was serious. She nodded. “I’m just making the point that you might have known her inside out once, but you’ve been out of her life for eight years.”

And he hated himself for it. “Has she ever…Has she ever talked to you about…”

“About whatever went on that makes her hold a huge piece of herself back from everyone?” She shook her head. “But something happened to her, Connor. Something bad, I can tell that much. I’ve never asked her about it. I know that if she wants to tell me, she will. But I’m starting to think it’s not something she’ll ever want to tell. That’s what you have to accept. You might never know.”

He sighed. “Look, if it makes you feel any better and puts an end to this awkward talk, I’ve already told Jaxx I won’t pressure her again. The…arrangement we have is simple enough so I don’t see how she can be hurt.”

Anna regarded him through narrowed eyes. When she’d first seen Connor acting all weird and possessive with Jaxxon she thought it was because he wanted her to belong to him, but soon she realised that he believed she already was his. She couldn’t understand how he could be prepared to walk away from someone so important to him. “If either of you think that telling yourselves it’s not a real relationship means you’re emotionally protected, you’re wrong.” With that, she quickly made her way to the ladies’ restrooms, only to find Jaxxon conversing with someone begrudgingly. Lotti spun and smiled at Anna, offering a ‘hi there’. Her voice was friendly but Anna detected an undercurrent of deviousness.

“Alright Anna,” said Jaxxon, observing her apprehensiveness. She couldn’t blame her. This woman had something to say and Jaxxon was getting brassed off with how long Lotti was taking to spit it out. “Lotti, this is Anna. She’s also a model.”

“I don’t know how you guys do it. I’m forever getting my photo taken and it drives me insane, I could never stand there all day in various poses. But we use what God gives us, don’t we, even when he doesn’t give us much to work with.”

Jaxxon almost growled. Although the words sounded harmless enough, there was an insinuation there in her tone and gaze that there wasn’t much more to models than their appearance – something which Anna feared Warren thought. It wasn’t the only buttered up insult Lotti had delivered in the past few minutes. This was what annoyed Jaxxon so much about this world; no one was straight with anyone and, for some reason, they seemed to think that backward insults were very clever. “You know, I heard that most singers aren’t actually singing live, even when they claim to be. Is that true?” A brief, quiet laugh escaped Anna. “I suppose it must be to stop you from getting things like Laryngitis all the time.”

Although Lotti hadn’t yet managed to intimidate Jaxxon, she didn’t let it faze her. “I’ll admit my career choice isn’t all rosy. It’s definitely not the best lifestyle. You hardly sleep, hardly have any time to socialise because you’re just constantly on the road.”

“It must get a bit lonely,” said Anna with fake sympathy.

“Oh yes it does. Whenever I’ve had a boyfriend it’s been disastrous. They expect to come first and I didn’t work so hard to get where I am to push it all aside like that, you know.”

Anna and Jaxxon both nodded, silently wishing she’d just come out with it.

“And you never know who’s around you because they want to be and who just wants what publicity will be in it for them if they are.” Again Anna and Jaxxon nodded. “That’s why I’ve always understood why people like Connor McKenzie and Dane Andrews live the way they do – no attachments, no commitments.”

‘Live the way they do’, not ‘used to do’. Oh. Now Jaxxon understood what Lotti was all about; she didn’t believe that Connor had suddenly changed just like that. Jaxxon had to give her credit where it was due.

“I tried to tell Anita Donovan that, you know,” Lotti quickly added.

“You know Anita?” asked Anna, barely keeping the growl from entering her voice. Jaxxon had told her before they left for France all about what had gone on with that nutcase.

“It was so sad how things ended between her and Connor.” Lotti shook her head. “But I had warned her that it was the only way it could end if she pushed things with him.”

Jaxxon forced a dramatic yawn. “Oh sorry, it’s just that people who don’t just say what they really mean bore me so easily.”

For a moment Lotti was lost for words. It wasn’t often that people weren’t intimidated by her beauty, and Jaxxon Carter certainly wasn’t. Now that her eyes had that famous, feral gleam Lotti was feeling even more ruffled. Finally she collected her thoughts and straightened to her full height. “I just think you’re foolish if you’re anything like Anita and think that you and Connor are really anything serious. People like Connor McKenzie and Dane Andrews don’t change. Take it from someone who’s just like them.”

“Hmm.” Anna crossed her arms. “Funny you should say that…Dane’s actually married now. Did you not know?” If she recalled rightly, his wife’s name was Niki. Jaxxon had told Anna about how Dane and his wife had Anita staying with them where they could keep watch over the living time bomb.

Lotti sneered but before she could think up a smart retort Jaxxon was speaking.

“Sorry, hang on,” said Jaxxon. “You think you and Connor would be a perfect match – is that what, in so many words, you’re trying to say?”

“Oh no,” giggled Lotti. “I’m not looking to get involved with anyone, but I’ll be honest with you, I’ve got every intention of using him for a while once you and him are done.”

“You’re very confident he’ll want you,” commented Anna.

A snicker popped out of Lotti. “Oh he’ll want me.”

Vanity always made Jaxxon wince. “Well don’t let my presence stop you from making your intentions clear to him.” She swept a hand out in the direction of the door.

“I’m sorry?”

“I’ll head over to Kev and Lorraine with Anna, that’ll give you undisturbed time with him.”

“He’s not exactly going to do anything with you here.”

“You obviously don’t know Connor if you think that. He does what he wants: The End. If he wants you as much as you say, you’ll be taking him home with you tonight, won’t you?” Jaxxon held back her instinctive reaction to slap the tramp. If she hadn’t held back, it would have looked as though she was intimidated by Lotti and insecure about Connor, giving weight to everything Lotti was saying. In truth, Jaxxon was a little intimidated. Lotti was beautiful, even if a high percentage of her was silicon. And Connor, as Lotti had pointed out, preferred his sex life to be the epitome of ‘simple’. So, yeah, of course a part of her was panicking that he would take his out now, that he would say ‘It was fun while it lasted, Jaxx’.

“You’re giving me permission to come onto your boyfriend?”

“Don’t tell me you’re not as sure of yourself as you say.” As Jaxxon fully anticipated, Lotti didn’t back down. She gave a carefree shrug that said ‘You brought this on yourself’.

As Anna watched a hip-swaying, arse-wiggling, hair-flicking Lotti stroll out the door heading for an unsuspecting Connor, she knew that whatever he did now would decide whether he was allowed to keep both his bollocks. Oh Jaxxon wouldn’t castrate him if he chose Lotti. No, she would say all’s fair in love and war and wave him off. But Anna…if he hurt Jaxxon, Anna would castrate the bastard.

“Hi.”

The seductive, sickly sweet voice came from behind Connor where he was stood at the bar with a bloke who used his hands a lot when telling his story. He swerved to see the sexy blonde from earlier licking her bottom lip and eyeing him as though she was a chocoholic and he was a Cadbury’s Dairy Milk bar. Lotti Something-or-Other.

“I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself before. I’m Lotti, Lotti Rivers.”

Rivers? No, he wouldn’t have guessed that was what it was. When she held her hand out he just glared at it. Why did Americans always like to shake hands? He might have taken it just to humour her but her expression, the tone of her voice and her body language all made perfectly clear what she wanted. “I’m with someone. Which you already know.”

Lotti dropped her hand but refused to drop the issue. “Yes, I’ve met Jackie.”

He didn’t bother correcting her. He would bet she knew what Jaxx’s name really was.

“I was just telling her I’m a good friend of Anita Donovan’s.” It was impossible to miss the flicker of pure hatred that passed over Connor’s face. “I told Anita not to expect anything from you,” she quickly added. “But she was convinced there was more to things.”

Her voice was like liquidated seduction and it was slithering over him. Her finger played across her impressive cl**vage, drawing his attention to it. “If you have a point, make it.”

She didn’t let his abruptness put her off. Instead, she stepped closer to him, making sure she rubbed her br**sts against the arm he was holding his beer with. “My point is that I know you like things simple, so do I. The way I see it, you and I can help each other out.”

He now had a perfect view of those plump br**sts. Very plump br**sts. The word plump couldn’t apply to anything else about her. She was tall and slender and was a woman who obviously kept in shape. And yet he wasn’t interested. If there was no Jaxx he definitely would have been. Lotti was extremely attractive and exactly the type he usually went for, but compared to Jaxx she was as ugly as sin. There was no one who could compare to Jaxx, could ever even come close. “Like I said before, I’m with someone.” He gave Lotti his back.

Had he really just dismissed her? Lotti gawped. No one had ever done that before. Was this what it felt like to be ordinary? She wasn’t being rejected, she assured herself. He must be under the impression that Jaxxon will fly into some sort of rage. Lotti had heard she was temperamental like that. “You don’t have to worry about her. She sent me over here.”

That had Connor swiveling around. “What?”

“I told her I was interested in you and she encouraged me to tell you and let you decide for yourself who you wanted.”

“Oh she did?” A smile crept onto his face. He could believe that. Jaxx wouldn’t show weakness, plus she’d find some kind of morbid enjoyment in the discomfort this would put him through. After scanning the room he spotted her chatting to Anna. Without removing his eyes from her he began edging through the throngs of people toward her. As though she sensed his gaze she looked right at him, and that was all it took to send a fierce, primal need rocketing through his veins demanding release, demanding her. Not any woman, Jaxx. There was no denying that she had utterly ruined him. She was without a doubt the most amazing creature…and he had no idea how he would give her up. That wicked smile of hers had his dick hardening to massive and painful proportions. He crowded her body with his. “I’ve just had a very uninteresting conversation with a blonde who swears you gave her your blessing to come onto me.”

Jaxxon did a mock gasp. “Should I not have? I just figured it wasn’t my place to warn her off when we aren’t technically in a relationship.”

He leant his forehead to hers. “We said there’d be no one else while we’re -”

“Having ‘casual sex’, yeah I remember.” She shrugged. “Still, it seemed only fair for you to know who’s interested in you for after we’re finished and you’re -”

At the very idea of that, his control slipped. He grabbed her by her nape and mashed his lips with hers, thrusting his tongue inside her mouth as he wanted to thrust himself into her body. Each stroke of her tongue against his seemed to be dragging him down deeper into that place where there was only her. He groaned. “I wish we were alone right now. Let’s just go.”

“No, you can wait,” she laughed.

“Don’t make me throw you over my shoulder again.”

“If you do that everyone will know I’m going Commando.”

His eyes fell closed and he groaned again. “It is such a good job I hadn’t known before now or I’d have lost my grip on my sanity long ago. Time to go, babe.”

“Can’t we try reigning ourselves in like normal people?”

He grinded against her as he spoke devilish words into her ear. “I need you, Jaxx. Don’t you want my fingers inside you? Don’t you want my tongue licking you and tasting you? Don’t you want me to f**k you hard the way I know you love?”

His whispers were making her wet. Not good. “Connor,” she said in a reprimanding tone. But he kept up the whispering and grinding. “Alright, enough,” she eventually snapped. He was delighted that, as usual, he got his way which just made her want to punch him right in the face. That was up until they got back to the challet and he did all the things he promised; then she just wanted to collapse in his arms and sleep right there like that. And she did, with him holding her to him – something he did for the remaining nights of the trip.