Afterward, as he pressed kisses along her spine, a sudden pressure built in his chest and his head seemed to throb. “Do you feel it?”
Glancing at him over her shoulder, she nodded. “What is it?”
“You know.” Pulling out of her, Ryan scooped her up and took her into the bathroom. As they stood under the hot spray of the shower, he said, “The bond won’t let you hold back much longer.” It was too strong. Probably because, as a couple, they were strong. Makenna might have initially doubted his commitment, but not anymore. Like she’d told him, he had all of her. She had all of him. Mating bond or not, Ryan doubted he’d survive losing her. Even if he did, he’d be a husk. Empty. Useless. Going through the motions but not living.
Unlike the time he’d escaped from captivity, he didn’t think his pack would get him through it. There would be no chance of him healing. He wouldn’t want to heal. Everything would be fucking pointless without her—this quirky little person who made him want to smile on a daily basis, who never made him feel like he lacked or needed to change.
Makenna curled her arms around him. “Why are you sad?” The emotion trickled through her veins.
“You’ll be in danger. I hate that.”
“So will you. I hate that.”
“You’re not going to stay behind, are you?” It wasn’t a question; it was a resigned statement.
She licked at his claiming mark. “I can’t.” She couldn’t wave him off as he walked into certain danger. Hell, no. Seeing he was about to argue, she said, “When I was twelve, I watched my mom walk out of our little apartment to pick up some groceries. And I waited for her to come back. And I kept waiting. And waiting. And waiting. There was nothing else I could do. She’d once made me promise that if she was ever late, I wouldn’t go searching for her. So I didn’t. Two days later, there was a knock at the door. And I knew before I even opened it that it wasn’t her and that I was never going to see her again. Don’t ask me to wait like that again for someone I care about to come back to me. Don’t do that.”
Fuck. Ryan tightened his arms around her. “Why do you hold shit in?” It frustrated him that she’d give the people she cared for anything they needed, but she very rarely shared her pain with them.
“You do it too.”
Okay, that was a fair point. He gripped her chin and snared her gaze. “You don’t leave my side during the battle. You have to stay with me at all times.” If he couldn’t see her with his own eyes and know that she was safe, he wouldn’t be able to focus.
“I have no objection to that.” It meant she could watch his back. “You don’t need to worry so hard, you know. My wolf’s a badass. Why is that funny?”
“I’m not laughing.”
His expression hadn’t even changed, but . . . “I can feel your amusement, White Fang. My wolf is not impressed.” She was very much offended.
“I’m not denying that she’s tough. But she’s streetwise tough, not battle tough.”
“There’s a difference?”
“Yes. Street fights are over fairly quickly and require a minimum amount of strategy. Battles go on for longer and require a lot of strategy. Not to mention stamina and endurance. No matter how tired you are, you can’t afford to drop your guard or lose concentration. And your wolf . . .” He struggled for a nice way to say it. As he had no tact at all, it wasn’t easy. “She’s not very focused. She’s easily distracted.” No, Makenna didn’t like that comment one little bit. He quickly added, “Not in a bad way, but . . . like a cat.”
“A cat?”
Ryan inwardly winced. He was just making this worse. “You know: show her something shiny and she forgets that she’s supposed to—ow!” He rubbed at the spot where a sprinkle of chest hair had once been. “That hurt.”
“Good. Oh, and when my wolf saves your ass tomorrow, you will publicly apologize for comparing her to a cat.”
The certainty in her voice made him blink. “She’s going to save my ass?”
“Yes.”
“You know this how?”
“I have a feeling.”
Ryan closed his eyes. Insane. On the upside, there was never a dull moment with his mate. “Let’s just get out of the damn shower and sleep.”
“Always so grouchy.”
Whatever.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
For the second time in two days, Makenna was in Trey’s crowded office. He was discussing battle tactics with Taryn, his Betas and enforcers, the Mercury Alphas and Betas, and via teleconference the other Alphas who would join them against Remy.
As Makenna listened carefully, she became increasingly aware of just how right Ryan was. There was a lot of strategy involved in battles. It was all completely foreign to her, and she was totally out of her element. Still, that didn’t mean she would be anywhere other than at her mate’s side when the danger came.
The door opened and Grace entered with a tray of coffee. Ryan handed one to Makenna as he said, “You sure you want to be part of this battle tomorrow?” He understood why it would drive her crazy to stay behind, and he couldn’t ask it of her now that he knew the source of her determination. Still, both he and his wolf hoped that she’d change her mind. Makenna just stared at Ryan.
Jaime grinned. “Wow, you’ve got Ryan’s serial killer look totally down.” That made all the females chuckle. “You gotta teach it to me.”