Her entire body roared to life with need for him, for his touch, for the heavy male weight of him. When he shoved his hands under her T-shirt, she quivered with delight as his long fingers stroked her skin. She arched her back, pressing her hips against him once more. Sam’s lips left her mouth, tracing a new path along her jaw and the cord of her neck. She shivered again as she felt the slightly rough rasp of his unshaven cheeks on her skin, and welcomed the feel of it.
He made her feel vital, female, desirable. When his lips traveled back up her throat and recaptured her mouth she moaned, parting her lips to give him free access to the soft, moist depths. His tongue gently swept her lips before probing deeper.
And then, suddenly, awfully, it was all over. Sam’s hands pulled hers from behind his neck and dragged them down. His breathing labored in his chest, his eyes glittered like rain-washed slate. He let her go and took a step away. She wanted to protest, to reach for him again. To relive what they’d just shared, but it was all she could do to stand on her own two feet without collapsing.
“We shouldn’t—” he started.
“No! Don’t! Don’t say we shouldn’t have done that,” she said as firmly as she could. Summoning every last ounce of strength she possessed, she smiled at him and said, “It was right, for us, at the time. Let’s leave it there, shall we?”
She couldn’t bear to hear his denial. To have him reduce what they’d just shared to a mistake. She turned and forced her legs to move, to take her away from him and from the temptation he offered.
So much for proving herself better than her hormones.
Six
Erin was a jangle of nerves by the time she reached her rooms. She paced the floor of her living room, back and forth, almost wearing a hole in the carpet before she made herself sit down and take stock of what had happened.
She’d never been so forward before in her life and her behavior both shocked and thrilled her. Even thinking about it now, she didn’t regret for a minute what she’d done. But did Sam?
She hadn’t wanted to hear him say they shouldn’t have done what they did, but the words still echoed silently in her head. Maybe it was wrong. Maybe she had taken advantage of him, his grief. Now there was a turn around from the typical, she thought. Wasn’t it supposed to be men who took advantage in that way?
She shook her head at herself. She was so wound up now she’d never get any rest, at least not unless she found some way to rid herself of the tension that held her in its grip. Maybe a deep, relaxing soak would help. Erin drove herself to her feet. She’d check on Riley and then draw herself a bath. She was almost sorry to see he was still sound asleep in his crib—his little fists flung wide on either side of his head. Her heart clamped hard on the surge of love that swelled within her. She loved him so very much. Would lay down her life for him, without question.
How could any mother not feel the same way about their child, she wondered. This fierce protective instinct was as natural to her as breathing. Not for the first time, Erin wondered why her own mother had not been prepared to love and protect Erin the way Erin was prepared to love and protect Riley. The old familiar pain of rejection plucked at her, tearing away her hard-won confidence and belief in herself.
Had she really been so very unlovable that her own mother had screamed at her, over and over, that she’d wished Erin had never been born? Erin bit hard on her lip to stop the sharp cry that built in her throat. She closed her eyes and dragged an uneven breath into her tortured chest.
Even her own husband hadn’t loved her as she’d yearned to be loved. They’d slid into marriage because it was convenient, not out of any burning passion for each other. Was that it? Had she craved the wildness of passion? The sheer indulgence of giving in to want and need, and to hell with the consequences? Was that why she’d taken the opportunity to kiss Sam Thornton tonight? A man she barely knew? A paying guest under her roof?
From the moment she’d first seen him she’d been aware of a visceral consciousness of him on every level. He made her feel alive again. It was an intoxicating sensation, frightening and exhilarating at the same time. She was attracted to him on so many levels she almost felt dizzy with it. Kissing him had been crazy—wild. And she wanted to do it again. Kiss, and everything that came next. Did that make her a bad person? She had no answers.
Erin let herself out of Riley’s room before her uneasy presence disturbed his sleep and went through to her bathroom. She twisted the old faucets open over the deep tub and let the water run; a cloud of steam soon filled the air. Somewhere in the vanity unit she had some relaxing bath crystals. They’d been a farewell gift from a guest a few years ago and she’d shoved them in there, meaning to use them one day. Well, if she ever needed relaxing, now was the time.