A Father's Secret

“Keep your filthy money,” she sneered. “I don’t want any of it.”

“But don’t you see? Another baby would help.”

“No, it wouldn’t. Besides, it’s impossible.”

“Erin, I know it’s not as if you’ve lost a puppy and I’m offering to buy you a new one. I’m not that insensitive. You’re a great mother. You deserve this. Let me help you.”

Her voice, when she finally managed to speak, was nothing more than a broken whisper. She stared down at her hands knotted together in her lap and squeezed her fingers together tight, as if by doing so she could make some of the pain that surrounded her heart in an unrelenting grip, go away.

“You can’t help me.”

“Why not? Because you won’t let me? I’m sorry, but if your anger with me is what’s holding you back then that’s just not good enough. Give me one good reason, Erin. One good reason why I can’t help you.”

She raised her face and made herself meet his eyes. She took a deep breath and expelled it softly.

“Because I can’t have any more children. That’s why.”

Sixteen

Sam sat there, stunned. She couldn’t have any more children? Why hadn’t that been included in any of the information he’d been given about her? He’d thought he knew it all.

“I’d like you to go now,” she said, her voice still husky.

“I’m not going until you tell me everything, Erin. Why can’t you have any more children?”

“If I tell you, will you go then?”

Her pain was stark on her face, the wounds she still bore clear in her eyes. He nodded.

“I was overdue and they had to induce me for labor. My doctor had wanted to perform a C-section but I was adamant. We’d had to do everything with artificial help all the way—I wanted to deliver my baby naturally.” She cupped her hands around her mug and lifted it to her mouth, taking a long drink of the brew. When she put the mug down she stared at it, as if it was easier to stare at the tea than at him. “Anyway, my labor progressed rather rapidly once they induced me and because of the intensity I accepted pain relief. I’d been given the all-clear to push when I felt it. There was a pain so intense it trumped the epidural. I knew something was very wrong. I told the nurse. Before I knew it, they were wheeling me into an operating room. By then, I was beginning to lose it. I don’t remember a whole lot after that except waking up to be told that Riley had been born and was in the neonatal intensive care unit.

“Apparently the pain was caused by my uterus tearing open. When that happened, Riley was deprived of oxygen. Thankfully, they acted fast and he resuscitated without any problems. It could have been a lot worse for him. He was lucky. After four nights in intensive care, he was all clear.”

“And you,” Sam asked, suddenly desperate to know what had happened to Erin next.

“Me, well, I wasn’t so lucky. The uterine rupture had caused too much damage. I had to have a full hysterectomy.” She drew in another deep breath and lifted her eyes to his. “So, there you have it. No more babies.”

She pushed herself up from the table and walked toward the kitchen door. Her body sagged with the toll it had obviously taken to recount her story. He watched as she opened the door and held it wide.

“You can go now.”

He wanted to argue that they weren’t finished yet, but he’d already said he would go when she answered his question. He had to honor what he’d promised even though every instinct urged him to stay. The emotional cost of tonight’s visit had been high. He wanted, desperately, to make it right for her, but there was nothing he could do and the helplessness of that truth settled in his gut like a heavy weight.

But she couldn’t stop him returning, and he would be back. First thing in the morning.

The motel he checked into was nowhere near as comfortable as Connell Lodge, but for the money he didn’t expect much. He found a twenty-four-hour convenience store not too far away, where he bought a few toiletries and a budget pack of briefs. He wasn’t too sure if the motel provided an overnight laundry service and even if they did he wasn’t too sure he’d get his stuff back in time. Nothing was going to delay him tomorrow.

After a quick call to leave a message for Julia, telling his assistant he might be a few days, he went to bed. The night passed slowly as he struggled to find sleep. What Erin had shared with him tonight made her decision to cease her fight to keep Riley even more difficult to come to terms with. He struggled to assimilate that information with what he’d learned from the private investigator.