The High Price of Secrets

Tonight, though, she’d become quiet before eventually asking him to stop talking about Ellen.

“I’ll never find my peace with the fact she doesn’t want to know me if I’m constantly wishing for what I never had—for what she gave to you.”

Her words had cut him to the bone, scourging him anew with guilt. He wondered whether the gift he’d chosen for her for Christmas, the one he had yet to place under their tree, was still the right thing. A self-portrait, Ellen had done the painting about ten years ago. It was one of his favorite pictures of her and he’d believed Tamsyn would appreciate having it. Now, he wasn’t so sure. Would it just reinforce the loss she felt all over again?

He had quietly cursed Lorenzo’s dictates and his own promise to the man who’d raised him from adolescence into adulthood. But he’d held his tongue, and would keep his word to both Tamsyn and Lorenzo inasmuch as he was able.

One thing he knew above all others now, though. He loved Tamsyn. She’d inveigled her way into his life, but he’d welcomed her into his heart and his home, and now he never wanted her to leave. How they could work that out going into the weeks and months ahead was a problem.

Finn drifted to sleep no closer to finding an answer today than he’d been in all the days and nights before.

The subtle buzz of his mobile phone on the bedside table roused him from sleep a few hours later. Carefully, so as not to disturb Tamsyn, he slid out of bed and left the room, answering the call only when he’d closed the bedroom door securely behind him.

“Finn?”

Lorenzo’s voice was different. More strained than usual.

“Lorenzo, are you okay? Is Ellen—?”

“She dying, Finn. She’s letting go. Each hour, each minute, a little more. The doctors…they say it won’t be long now.”

The older man’s voice broke and tears burned at the back of Finn’s eyes, a massive lump fixed in his throat. All along, Lorenzo had been strong for Ellen, strong for Alexis, too, when she’d returned home from Italy. Now he was crumbling and he needed someone else to lean on as he faced the biggest loss of his entire life.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Finn promised, blinking back the tears and biting back the fear that he might be too late to be of any help to anyone.

“Whenever you arrive, my boy, it cannot be too soon,” Lorenzo said, confirming Finn’s worst fears.

“If I have to charter someone to take me there, Lorenzo, I’ll be there. I promise.”

He ended the call and made his way to his office, settling in the chair and, waking up his sleeping computer, he punched the appropriate keys to bring up flights and availability from Blenheim to Wellington. The first flight out was at 7:05. He flicked a glance at his watch: 5:00 a.m. Allowing for the half an hour preboarding check-in and the half hour or so to get to the airport, he’d need to leave soon. He booked himself on the flight, printed his ticket and boarding pass and headed back upstairs toward his bedroom so he could gather some things together.

Tamsyn.

The thought of her stopped him in his tracks. All he wanted to do was protect her from the inevitable pain ahead. What should he tell her? What could he tell her?

The answer came in a resounding echo in his head. Nothing. He could tell her absolutely nothing.

Twenty-One

Tamsyn sleepily rolled over, her arm reaching out beside her. The sheets were cold. Instantly awake now, she sat up and listened. Finn wasn’t in the en suite bathroom. A glance at the clock confirmed it was still early, only a quarter to seven. So where was he?

She slipped from the bed and draped her robe around her. In the kitchen there was still no sign of him. The coffeepot was cold and no breakfast dishes lurked in the sink. Even his office was empty. She racked her brain to remember if he’d said something last night about having to go away, but nothing came to mind.

Her phone, which she’d left on the kitchen counter, buzzed to life and she snatched it up, recognizing Finn’s number on the caller I.D.

“Finn? Is everything okay?”

In the background she could hear engine noise and the sound of lots of people.

“I’m sorry, but I got called away again. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone. Look, they’re doing the last call for my flight. I have to go. Take care, okay?”

“What about Lucy?” she thought suddenly.

It still grated that Finn went daily to the cottage to feed the cat and spread feed for the chickens. If she’d been allowed to stay there… She shook her head. It didn’t pay to dwell on the issue.

Finn uttered a short expletive. “I forgot about that. Are you okay doing it?”