Lone Star Holiday Proposal

At the house, Nolan offered to supervise JJ as he changed into his pajamas while she made the hot chocolate. Raina gratefully accepted. As she heated milk on her stove she could hear JJ’s excited tones tempered by Nolan’s calmer deeper voice down the hall and closed her eyes for just a moment, wondering what it might be like if this were to become a regular, even daily event. How did that make her feel?

A commotion at the kitchen door made her turn as she started to fill the mugs. Nolan had given JJ a piggyback ride from his bedroom and the two of them were laughing. Raina couldn’t help but join in.

“Who wants marshmallows?” she asked as she finished pouring the hot drinks.

“Me!” JJ crowed from his perch. “And No’an, too.”

Raina looked to Nolan for confirmation. “Are you a marshmallow man?”

“Through and through,” he said.

His word were simple at face value but she found herself left wondering if he’d meant more by that. She had to stop overthinking everything. It was time to just let some things find their natural course. She dropped marshmallows in each of the mugs and put them on a tray to carry through to the sitting room.

“Let me take that for you,” Nolan offered, swinging JJ down to the floor.

“Thanks.”

Raina followed Nolan and JJ and relished just how good it felt to share something as simple as carrying a tray, rather than being responsible for everything herself. But even so, she couldn’t allow herself to simply give in to the comfort of this moment. Nolan still had secrets and until he was prepared to share them with her, she had to guard her heart.

Even as she thought it, she knew it was too late. Her heart was already a lost cause when it came to this man. Had been from the moment he’d kissed her. It was why discovering his subterfuge had been so painful.

She watched from the door as Nolan encouraged JJ to kneel on the floor by the coffee table to sip his drink. Obviously sensing her scrutiny, he looked up.

“You okay?” he asked.

She smiled and nodded. “I think so,” she answered, and stepped forward to accept the mug he held out for her.

It wasn’t long before JJ was drooping with exhaustion. To Raina’s surprise he made no argument when she said it was bedtime. He asked to be carried to bed and she lifted him comfortably into her arms and held him close as she went down the hallway to his room. It was a constant marvel to her that this growing child had come from her body. A marvel and a precious gift.

So much responsibility came with parenthood. She had to be certain she was making the right decisions for herself, sure, but for JJ most of all. He deserved only the very best in life. Did that include a second chance with Nolan? she wondered as she supervised JJ brushing his teeth and then carried him to his bed.

JJ was out like a light before she’d even made it to his bedroom. She left the door ajar for him so the nightlight in the hallway could provide enough light should he stir, and she walked slowly back toward the living room. Nolan was sitting on the couch, his mug on the table in front of him.

“Your hot chocolate is cold,” he commented. “Can I reheat it for you?”

She shook her head. “It’s okay, I’m used to that.”

A distant look passed through his eyes as he nodded and gave a short laugh. “Yeah, I bet. Seems that when you have kids nothing is ever eaten or drunk hot or chilled, right? Room temperature is your best friend.”

Was he talking about his own child, his own life? He seemed to understand what it was like. Raina couldn’t speak for fear that she’d just come straight out and ask him about the little she’d overheard about his wife and kid, but a sense of self-preservation made her hold her tongue. She wasn’t even sure that she wanted to know. She knew that made her sound selfish, at least in her own mind.

She drank her lukewarm chocolate and let Nolan steer the conversation to a review of the evening’s performance. And while she laughed and talked and agreed with him, she found herself thinking how very much she wished this kind of evening could become a regular event for them. She looked at the clock, startled to see that another full hour had passed since she’d put JJ to bed.

Nolan followed her gaze and made an exclamation. “I’m sorry, I’m keeping you up.”

Raina felt a flush of heat and awareness suffuse her body, along with a longing that when she went to bed, they could go together. She shoved the thought to the back of her mind. It was ridiculous. She needed to get her crazy hormones under control. Desire was clouding rationality, and it was that very rationality that got her through every day without falling apart. If she lost that, where would she be?