“Shall we go?” Raina asked.
Surprised, because he’d hoped they’d talk about the gift he’d left for her before they headed out tonight, Nolan inclined his head. “My chariot awaits,” he replied, gesturing for her to take his arm.
She locked the door behind her and they headed to the car where he stowed the writing set safely in the back. The journey to the Texas Cattleman’s Club was conducted in silence, briefly punctuated by Raina asking how his trip to LA had gone. By the time Nolan handed his car keys to the valet outside the club, his stomach was a ball of nerves. Still not one word about his letter or his gift. He reminded himself that he was the one who’d set the parameters here. It had been his choice to leave her for this week and give her space and time to think about their future, if indeed they had one.
They circulated among the crowd, stopping and chatting here and there. The club was a large, rambling single-story building made of dark stone and wood that had originally been built in the early 1900s. The interior decor still reflected its Old World men’s club heritage, with hunting trophies and historical artifacts adorning the paneled walls but, Nolan noticed, the ceiling had been lifted during the repairs after the tornado, giving the club an airier feel about it, and the colors were brighter and lighter than before. Overall the renovations better reflected the now mixed gender culture of what had long been solely a male domain.
In the great room, the mood was vibrant and celebratory, but Nolan knew he couldn’t relax and celebrate until he had the answers he sought. During a lull in conversation with a group of his old high school buddies, Nolan tucked Raina closer to his side and drew her away to a quiet alcove he’d spied.
“Tired of the party already?” Raina teased.
Her cheeks were still softly flushed and her blue eyes sparkled, but he sensed that she was nervous. Possibly even as nervous as he was.
He smiled in response—it was now or never. “Actually, I was wondering what you thought of my Christmas gift.”
The smile on Raina’s face froze for a moment, before disappearing altogether and Nolan felt his hopes for the future slide inexorably out of his grasp. She reached into her small purse and pulled out the gift he’d left for her under the tree. His stomach dipped as he realized she hadn’t even unwrapped it.
Raina looked up at him and he braced himself for the rejection he was sure was coming his way.
“I...” She stopped and chewed at her lower lip for a moment before continuing. “I didn’t want to unwrap it without you there. You mentioned intentions in your letter. I need to know exactly what those are, Nolan.”
It wasn’t what he’d been expecting her to say and for a moment he was lost for words. But then the logical side of his brain kicked in and processed what she’d said. She wasn’t rejecting him. She simply needed more reassurance. At least he hoped that’s what was happening. He’d felt adrift like this once before in his life and he’d hated every second of it. It was why he’d been so reluctant to embrace the idea of sharing his life with anyone again. But he’d realized that he had to let himself be a little vulnerable if he wanted Raina to trust him. Trust him and love him.
“You know I love you, Raina, don’t you?” he asked and felt a tentative swell of hope when she nodded. “I got off on the wrong foot with you to begin with and I can’t apologize enough for that. The man I was then, the one who thought he could approach someone with an ulterior motive and damn the consequences—he’s not the man I’m meant to be, nor the man I ever wanted to be. Do you believe me when I say that, too?”
Again she nodded and again he felt the tightness ease inside him that little bit more. Nolan led Raina over to a pair of chairs set against the wall in the alcove. They were surrounded by the noise and celebration of the crowd, and yet at the same time they were isolated. Locked in their own private space.
“I walked away from my life once,” he began anew. “Things became more than I could bear and I had to leave or lose myself completely. I found a new way of living with myself. Unfortunately it didn’t make me a very decent man.
“I like to think that everything in life eventually comes full circle and that fate took a hand in bringing me back to Royal. I wasn’t ready to come back, I’ll be honest with you about that. And I definitely wasn’t ready to fall in love. But I did. Coming home has given me a new start—a chance to lead a good decent life again, a life I want to share with you and JJ, if you’ll let me.