Wanting What She Can't Have

Deep down he’d always known that sex with Alexis would be explosive. It was exactly why he’d stayed well away from her. Guilt slammed into him, chasing the buzz of physical satisfaction into oblivion. By doing what he’d just done, by seeking and taking pleasure, he’d just betrayed the one woman he’d pledged to remain faithful to.

Tears burned at the back of his eyes as recrimination filled him, making his mouth taste bitter, making each breath a painful necessity. He didn’t deserve to seek respite. He certainly didn’t deserve to find pleasure and most especially not in the arms of Alexis Fabrini.

He could feel her, lying silently beside him. Her breathing was still quick and shallow. The warmth of her body extended across the short distance between them, offering him succor. Support and comfort he didn’t deserve.

He screwed his eyes shut tight. He was so wrong to have done this. He should have just stayed in his room, alone with the bottle of brandy and the snifter he’d taken from his study with the idea of finding oblivion in alcohol’s potent depths.

Alexis reached across the sheets and took his hand in hers, squeezing silently. Even now she offered him reassurance. He felt the mattress shift slightly as she rolled onto her side to face him but he couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes and meet her gaze.

He tensed, waiting for her to say something, but instead she reached out a hand and stroked his chest. The light circular movements of her hand soothed him, when he didn’t want to be soothed. He wanted her to yell at him, to demand to know what he’d been thinking when he’d come to her room, when he’d all but dragged her back to his. When he’d given in to the clamoring demand of his body and taken her without thought, without care.

Without protection.

His heart hammered in his chest even as her hand worked its way lower, over his rib cage and to his abdomen. Despite the horrifying realization that had just dawned on him, his body continued to respond to her touch—to be soothed and ignited, both at the same time. His flesh begin to stir again, the thrum of desire beat through his veins.

“No!” he said abruptly, gripping her hand and halting it on its inexorable journey down his body. “We didn’t use protection,” he said grimly.

“It’s okay,” Alexis said. “I’m on the Pill.”

He gave her a considering look. Was she telling the truth? She had no reason to lie. Through the gloom, she met his gaze full on and he saw enough there to relax just a little.

Alexis rose onto her knees, then straddled him, gently pulling her hand free from his grasp.

“So, I guess it’s yes?” she whispered softly back to him. “Please, Raoul. Let me love you.”

“This isn’t love,” he said bluntly, hating the fact he couldn’t control his growing response to her.

He felt her flinch a little at his words and heard the sharply indrawn breath.

“Then let me enjoy you, let yourself enjoy me,” she coaxed, bending her head to kiss him.

Her tongue swept along his lower lip before she sucked it between her teeth. He fought the rising tide of desire that continued to swell inside him—but made no effort to pull away. He could feel the heat of her core as she hovered over his belly, felt his penis twitch in response. Exactly when he surrendered to her will and became an active participant he wasn’t entirely sure, but all of a sudden his hands were cupping her head and his fingers were tangled in the honeyed strands of her hair as he kissed her back with all the pent-up longing and despair that had tormented him these past ten months.

When she broke away he would have protested, but her small deft hands massaged and stroked him, gliding along his shoulders, down his chest, over his belly and finally, finally, reached his aching erection. He felt her fingers close around his length, felt her squeeze gently as she stroked him up and down. His hands fisted at his sides as he felt himself harden even more. When she shifted and bent to take him in her mouth he almost lost it right then and there. The slick moist texture of her lips and tongue against the smooth swollen head of his penis sent jolts of pleasure radiating through his body.

There was no room for any more thought, no room for right or wrong, there was only space for sensation and its inevitable, relentless buildup. With a final lave of her tongue Alexis released him from the hot cavern of her mouth and realigned her body so she was poised over him. He held his breath as her darkened silhouette slowly lowered over him, as he entered the silky hot wetness of her body.

She gave a moan of pure delight as she took him deep inside her, tilting her pelvis and rocking against him. He felt her inner muscles clench and hold him. Pressure built inside him until it became a demand he could no longer ignore.