“But why?”
“Every kid needs a dog, right?” He grabbed a bag filled with puppy toys and food, tugged the blanket from inside the crate, then went to the front of the car and grabbed a pet bed from off the seat. “You mind if I bring these inside for you?”
“Oh, sure,” she said, completely flustered. “Come in—have a coffee. Does it have a name?”
“She, actually. And, no, she doesn’t have a name yet. I thought you’d like to choose one.”
As they walked into the house Olivia saw Xander notice the photos of Parker that had gone back up on the hallway wall.
“You’ve put them back?” he asked, pausing by one of the three of them—their faces alight with happiness and fun.
She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “They belong there. I...I should never have hidden them away. It wasn’t right or fair—to him or to us.”
Xander said nothing, but she saw him nod slightly. Tension gripped her shoulders, and she wished she could ask him what he thought, hoping that he’d at least tell her she’d done the right thing, but he remained silent. In the kitchen he spied the papers Olivia had been agonizing over signing.
“You were going to sign them, today?” he asked.
“I still can’t bring myself to do it,” Olivia admitted with a rueful shake of her head. “But I guess, now you’re here. You may as well take them with you.”
His face looked grim. “We need to talk.”
Olivia felt her stomach sink. The puppy squirmed and whined in her arms. “Shall we take her outside first?”
“It’s as good a place to talk as any.”
Xander deposited the puppy’s things on the floor and then he followed Olivia out to the patio where the puppy gamboled about, oblivious to the tension that settled like a solid wall between the two adults, all her attention on sniffing the plants and trees before she squatted happily on the grass.
“She’s gorgeous, Xander. But why did you buy her?” Olivia asked, barely able to take her eyes from the sweet animal and hardly daring to look at the man standing so close by her side.
“I never had any pets growing up. My mother said she always had enough on her plate, no matter how much I begged and pleaded and promised to look after one. I guess I forgot how much I’d always wanted one and reverted to acting like my mother when you brought Bozo home that day.”
Olivia couldn’t help herself; she rested one hand on his forearm and reached up to kiss Xander on the cheek. He turned his head at the last minute, his lips touching hers and sending a flame of need to lick along her veins. Startled, she pulled back.
“Thank you—I love her already. She’s beautiful.”
“No, you’re the one who’s beautiful. Inside and out. I just never really appreciated how beautiful before. Livvy, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I’ve come to understand that I only allowed myself to see the outside, the surface. I convinced myself that was enough, that we could make a life together based on the physical attraction and chemistry between us. As long as it was just the two of us, I didn’t have to delve any deeper into how I felt. I knew I loved you—but I don’t think I ever really understood how much, and I hadn’t really counted on sharing you with anyone else, whether it be dog or child.”
He lifted a hand, gently tucked back her hair and cupped her face.
“Livvy, I’m sorry. I was a fool. I don’t think I ever really knew what love was, or what lengths it could lead a person to, until I met you. I didn’t deserve you, or Parker, or any of what we shared. If I’d been a better husband, a better father, maybe none of what happened that day would have occurred.”
Olivia bit back a sob. There was so much pain and regret in his words, and she knew that he had little to apologize for.
“Xander, no. You were a great dad, and Parker loved you so very much. Don’t sell yourself short. You weren’t the one to make important life decisions without including me. You weren’t the one to cast blame without seeing where blame truly lay. Those faults were all mine.”
Xander shook his head. “I was his father. I should have been able to keep him safe. It was my duty to him and to you, and I failed.”
Her heart wrenched when she saw the tears that shimmered in his eyes. “The only person to blame that day was the guy driving the car that hit Parker and Bozo. If he’d been paying attention instead of texting, if he’d been driving to the speed limit instead of racing along a suburban road—then he’d have seen them run into the street and been able to stop in time. But we can’t keep plaguing ourselves with ‘what if,’ and we can’t keep blaming ourselves or one another for what happened. It happened. We can’t turn back time, as much as we wish we could.