After our shower, I felt closer to him than ever, and I wondered if he felt it too. There was something there between us, and it wasn’t just sex. A part of me wants him to know that, so I decide to put myself out there, letting him know in my own small way.
“Gabriel…” I begin cautiously, “I don’t like seeing you so upset. Please talk to me.”
He looks down at me, searching my eyes. I don’t know what he’s looking for, but I can tell he is struggling with whatever it is.
“I want to help you,” I plead. “In any way that I can, even if it’s just listening. And whatever it is, you can trust me.”
He closes his eyes, his expression pained as he releases a shaky breath. I thread my fingers through his and wait patiently, knowing I can’t push him.
“This time of year is always hard for me,” he says. “This day, actually… April 1st. Every year my family gets together and spends the day sailing. It’s kind of ridiculous, considering that we try our best to avoid our parents during the rest of the year. But we do it for my brother Parker because that was his favorite thing to do.”
He pauses for a moment, scrubbing a hand over his face as he laughs dryly.
“Now that I think about it, he only ever went once, so I don’t know how it could have been his favorite thing to do. But I guess it was his favorite memory. We were all still young then, the four of us. My parents had planned one of their vacations without us. But the nanny got sick and they couldn’t find anyone at such short notice. They refused to let us spoil their fun, so they took us along with them. It was the only family trip we’d ever went on together.”
My heart melts at the expression on his face. This is a whole new side of Gabriel Maddox. One that I’m sure not everyone gets to see, but he is letting me in, and I know that’s huge for him.
“They usually liked to send us off to expensive summer camps,” he continues. “So they could have their fun without us. Anyway, they were stuck with us this time, so we went sailing for about a week. Parker loved it. Well, I guess we all did. When you’re young you sort of want those kinds of memories with your family. For one week, we all had fun together. Dad taught us how to sail, and mom mostly sunbathed… but it was good.”
“It sounds nice,” I murmur, squeezing his hand and encouraging him to continue.
“When we got back home, we begged them to take us again sometime. Especially Parker, he wouldn’t relent. We all found it hilarious at the time, but they never did take us on a vacation with them again. I guess they thought their time together was more precious.”
His tone takes on a bitter edge, and the resentment inside of him is palpable. I never noticed it before, but it’s clear as day now. And I realize, this probably has a lot to do with the front he puts up for everyone.
“Anyway, back to my point,” he says distractedly. “That’s why we all get together on April 1st every year. To pretend we are one big happy family for Parker’s sake. It’s how my parents say they will remember him. Because I guess it’s easier for them that way. But, truthfully, I dread it every year. Pretending to be something we aren’t. And I know Parker would have hated it too. He would have much rather had us just be ourselves.”
I feel a sharp twinge of pain in my stomach, knowing exactly what it’s like to lose someone important. I clear my throat nervously, trying not to sound choked up as I speak. It’s nearly impossible, though, listening to him, feeling everything he feels.
“What happened to Parker?”
Gabriel shifts beside me, his eyes going cold as he regards me intently. He looks… well… angry. And that was not my intention at all. I bide my time, thinking of what I should say or do. And then he speaks, but it isn’t anger in his voice. It’s raw and pure grief.
“Parker committed suicide. When he was nineteen.”
I choke back the tears that are too close to falling. “Gabriel, I’m so sorry. That’s awful.”
He relaxes beneath me, stroking my hair in a comforting gesture. I’m not sure who it’s comforting more, but I’m thankful nonetheless.