***
The next morning I’m up bright and early, making several deliveries before meeting Alanna for lunch. There’s an extra spring in my step as I think about the night before. While it was a total disaster meeting Gabriel’s mother and seeing Anya again, the emotions that came out afterwards made it worthwhile. And even though he didn’t say it back, I don’t care. I know how he feels about me whether he says the words or not.
As I sit down at the café, greeting Alanna with a smile, she seems equally happy.
“Just look at us!” she beams. “How pathetic are we? I can’t stop fucking smiling.”
“I know what you mean.” I laugh.
“So tell me everything,” she insists.
An hour later, there’s a familiar gold box waiting for me in front of the apartment. I smile as I pick it up and carry it inside. While Alanna heads to the kitchen to get a glass of water, I sneak a peek, expecting something sexy for tonight. But I get the surprise of my life when I pull out an exquisite floor-length red satin halter style dress. It has beautiful crystal beading underneath the bust, and a thigh-length slit up the side. It’s more suited to a dinner party then for what I have in mind.
Alanna reappears, gasping when she sees it.
“Wow, Victoria, that’s beautiful. It must have cost a fortune! What’s it for?”
“I don’t know,” I answer with a puzzled expression on my face.
I reach for the note card and open it up.
Victoria,
6:00 pm, tomorrow night.
Paul and I will pick you up,
You’ll be my date to a charity event.
Gabriel
Holy shit. I feel sick. I shove the dress back into the box and curl back into the couch, rocking from side to side to keep my heart from splitting into two.
“What’s the matter?” Alanna asks with a furrowed brow.
“He bought the dress for me to wear to a charity function with him tomorrow night.”
“Oh.” Her shoulders slump in perfect understanding. She sits down and wraps her arms around me in a gesture of comfort, but it doesn’t help.
“What will you tell him?” she asks quietly.
“I don’t know. What can I tell him that isn’t going to hurt him? Uh, sorry but I can’t be seen in public with you Gabriel. I’m pretty sure no matter how I spin it, it sounds awful. He’s going to hate me.”
“You don’t know that,” Alanna soothes. “Just try to be as gentle as you can about it.”
I grab my phone from the table and walk into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I steady my hand as I dial Gabriel’s cell phone.
“Hello beautiful,” he answers playfully.
“Hi,” I say weakly. “Um, how are you?”
“Better now that I’m talking to you.”
Oh God, don’t say that. Not now.
“I miss you,” he adds.
I almost break down. “I miss you too,” I say shakily.
“So did you get my package?”
“Yes, I did. That’s why I’m calling.” I pause for a moment trying to formulate the right words. “I… um…. I’m so sorry Gabriel, but I can’t go. I’ll send the dress back to you, I can’t accept it.”
“What do you mean you can’t go?” he asks in confusion.
“Listen, it’s really complicated. I…. I can’t really explain it more than that. I just don’t think I’m the right kind of girl for you to take to these types of functions.”
It’s a lie because I’d love nothing more than to be by his side. But I can’t.
“I see.” His tone has gone arctic. “So… what is it? Are you ashamed to be seen with me in public?”
“What? That’s a ridiculous question.”
“Obviously it’s not,” he says.
I don’t know what to say. What can I say? It hurts me that he would think that, especially after the amazing weekend we just spent together.
“So what you said last night…”
“I meant every word,” I whisper. “But it doesn’t change anything between us. I still can’t stay here. I can’t be this involved in your life. I have no right, and I’m sorry.”