He runs an exasperated hand through his hair and sighs. His face is unreadable, but it appears as though he has changed his mind.
“Perhaps you are right, Victoria,” he says. “You should really stay away from me, I wouldn’t be good for you.”
He turns and leaves, slamming the door behind him. My shoulders slump and I don’t know why, but I feel a sharp stab of pain at his words. Isn’t this what I wanted? Exactly what I said I wanted? So why does it feel as though all my dreams have been ripped away?
I shake my head and sit back down at my desk. For the rest of the afternoon, I stare blankly at the computer screen, willing the email to register something, anything to distract me for a moment. But it never does. Every once in a while I glance back over my shoulder and peek into Gabriel’s office across the street. It’s empty and remains that way even when I leave at five.
Chapter Six
Victoria
The next morning, I ponder as to whether I should even go back to this job. It isn’t as if I need the money that badly. I have a lot saved up so far, so what’s one job? Still, I can’t shake yesterday’s events, and a small part of me wants to see Gabriel again. Even if it is from the safe confines of my office window.
I’m not feeling nearly as confident today, so I throw on a simple Navy blue skirt, Nautical striped shirt, and yellow cardigan. I pair it with some brown leather flats and a matching belt. I tame my hair into a bun, though not nearly as neat as the day before, and put on some makeup. I’m out the door by eight sharp.
After stepping out of the elevator, I’m greeted once again by the sea of construction workers. Even they don’t find me nearly as appealing today it seems. I walk down the hall, opening up Mr. Berger’s lonely office once more. As I walk towards the desk, my heart skips a beat as I glance out the window and see Gabriel sitting in his office. He’s on the phone, apparently engrossed in conversation. I want him to look up, to notice me, but he doesn’t.
Throughout the afternoon, I steal glances at him, but he never looks my way. And then at noon, a tall beautiful blonde woman appears in his office. She sits on his desk, laughing flirtatiously and touching his arm at every opportunity. She is practically throwing herself at him, and my heart sinks. Now that is probably more his type.
Well, this is what you wanted, I chide myself.
This should be a blessing in disguise. I am so not even close to being in his league. He was only in it for the sex, anyway. As soon as he fucked me, it would have been all over. But why should it matter? It’s not like I’m looking for a relationship anyway. And I will never look like tall, blonde legs Mcgee over there.
That evening on the way home, I stop at the supermarket and grab a tub of Ben and Jerry’s Half Baked. All I want to do is sit on the couch, eat junk food, and watch Gilmore Girls with Alanna. But as per usual, she’s already on her way to another date when I get home.
After I eat my ice cream and drink half a bottle of wine, which incidentally turns out to be a horrid combination, I take a long hot shower. I think of Gabriel, and it makes me angry. Why can’t I get him out of my head? I want him to want me again. But why? It can’t lead anywhere. I try to convince myself for a moment that I can just do casual with him. It’s been two years, surely I’ve learned my lesson by now. I know it’s a big fat lie, but it’s a nice thought while it lasts.
I climb into bed a little after eight, feeling even more pathetic that I’m going to sleep so early.
***
The next morning I wake even angrier. I dreamt of him all night. Damn this man for getting under my skin. At the risk of looking like a complete idiot, I need to prove a point. I’m pretty sure this is the reckless side of me coming out again, but I don’t give a damn. I spend extra time tousling my hair into perfect curls before pinning it up loosely. I do my eyes up in a smoky shadow and put on extra red lipstick. And then I slither into a silky black lace pencil dress that borders on just inappropriate enough to possibly get fired.
I slip into my pink leopard print stilettos and glance at myself satisfactorily in the mirror. Hell, what does it matter what I wear anyway? I’m alone on my floor with the exception of the construction workers.