“Chris wasn’t a bad guy, he just had problems. Anyway, I’ve moved on from that. Why do you think Gabriel would be like him?” I ask nervously.
Alanna gives me a sympathetic smile and reaches for my hand. “I don’t. Honestly, I don’t even know the guy. I’m just trying to look out for you. So are you sure you liked what you tried today and weren’t just doing it to appease him?”
“No, it definitely wasn’t like that.” I shake my head. “I mean, it’s kind of weird, but I like the way he talks to me. So blunt and open about what he wants. Even though he infuriates me sometimes, it’s kind of hot when he talks to me that way. But at the same time it kind of feels wrong. I mean, I don’t know I just feel torn.”
“Toto, being dominated isn’t wrong if you enjoy it. It’s nothing like what you went through, I promise you that. It took me a long time to realize that too. As long as it’s with the right person, and they know what they’re doing. But you have to be able to trust that person, and to relinquish control. Some women really like it, and some couldn’t wrap their heads around it if they tried. I personally love it when I find a man who takes control… in the bedroom, I mean.”
“I’m so lucky to have such a sexually adventurous friend.” I tease. “I mean who else would I turn to with these kinds of questions?”
Alanna laughs in response. “I know right?”
“Well, I guess I have a lot of thinking to do tonight. But I don’t think you have to worry about Gabriel. He doesn’t seem like the typical assholes I attract, just a kinky one.”
“And mega rich,” she adds. “And hot to boot.”
I roll my eyes, and Alanna takes it in stride.
“Listen, Toto, if you want to try it with him, just remember you don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to.”
“I know. But I’m still in shock that I’m just now finding out that you like to be dominated.” I smirk. “I have all sorts of crazy images running through my head now, images I never wanted to see.”
“You would say that.” She giggles. “Maybe I’m a little fucked up in the head too, but I enjoy it.”
I relax back into the couch for a moment, lost in thought when the doorbell rings. Alanna pays the delivery man and then lays out an impressive carb-laden spread of Chinese comfort food. I spend the day in my pajamas watching Gilmore Girls and then watch as Alanna happily skips off to another date later that evening.
I haven’t heard anything from Gabriel, and I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m disappointed. I try to remind myself over and over this is supposed to be casual. But at this point, I honestly don’t know if I can do that. Not with him anyway.
I have an important decision to make, and I decide that I need to do some research of my own. I need a better understanding of what kind of man Gabriel is. I sit down on my bed and fire up my laptop, taking a nervous breath as I type his name into Google. For the next forty-five minutes, I mill through gossip blogs, photos, and news articles. By the end, I’m exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Looking at the women he’s dated in the past- famous models and actresses- I feel even worse than before.
In my heart, I know I can’t do this. I’m already feeling too emotionally invested. It shouldn’t be this complicated just to have sex. And I know if I go through with it, somehow I’ll end up getting hurt.
While my mind is clear and focused, I grab my phone and punch in his number. I fumble with the keys as I type out the message.
I’m sorry, but I can’t meet you again.
Victoria x
Before I lose my nerve, I hit send. Then I shut off my phone and take a hot shower. I climb into bed, not even caring that it’s only 7:00 pm. I want sleep and comfort, and to wake up and put all of this behind me tomorrow.
Chapter Twelve
Victoria
I wake to the sound of my door creaking open and the light shining in my face. I rub my eyes wearily as I try to make out the figure looming over me.
“Victoria, it’s me.”
There’s no mistaking the sound of that voice. Deep and rich and sexy as hell. Gabriel. At first I think I might be dreaming, so I smile. But then panic sets in. I sit up in bed anxiously, not sure what I should do. He’s in my apartment, in my fucking bedroom. And here I am half naked and no makeup on.