As they walk toward the counter, I notice that one is looking in the direction of our booth where Josh is standing, trying to zip up his coat.
When I glance back at the man, he’s watching me. I freeze, my heart in my throat.
“Cute kid,” he says, then turns to the woman behind the counter, and they order two cones.
I hurry back to Josh and fumble to put the lid on the uneaten portion of ice cream, then help him zip up his coat. I don’t bother with his hood as I walk us hurriedly out of the restaurant and back to the hotel.
“Slow down, Mommy.”
I look down at Josh, who is struggling to keep up. “I’m sorry,” I tell him.
A car honks its horn, startling me as it speeds past. I pull Josh backward, lifting him in my arms, dropping the rest of the ice cream.
“Mommy?” His tone is panicked, and when I look at his face, his eyes are huge, and his lip is trembling.
“Shh, baby, it’s okay. It’s okay. Mommy needs to pay better attention, that’s all. Let’s go back and call Lev, okay? See how far he is.”
He nods, and I keep him in my arms as I wait for another car to pass. As soon as I step out into the street, a big hand closes over my shoulder.
I gasp, spin to find one of the two men from the restaurant looming behind me. He tugs me backward as another car speeds past, catching me when I almost fall.
“I didn’t mean to startle you,” he says, letting me slip backward as I hug Josh who’s watching the man too. “Here.” He holds up Josh’s scarf. “Found it in the booth when my friend and I sat down.”
“My scarf!” Josh says, reaching out for it.
“Oh.” I breathe a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” I let Josh hold it.
“Are you okay?” the man asks me.
“Fine. We’re fine. Thank you.” I turn and hurry across the street back to the hotel on the verge of tears. I don’t know if they’re tears of relief or just from the stress of all of this, but I try to keep them hidden and am grateful it’s dark as I try to get myself together before Josh sees me crying.
9
Kat
I decide not to mention our outing to Lev. I feel stupid for how I reacted to that man and also reckless for having gone out at all. There are men from the Russian mob looking for us, and it was just a stupid thing to do. I know Lev will be pissed, and I don’t need that right now.
Josh is sleeping in the king-size bed of the studio-style hotel room. I’m sitting in the chair at the desk finishing the second little bottle of vodka while I watch him, his little face turned toward me, eyes closed, mouth slightly open as he hugs Wally to him, sleeping soundly.
After that night at Nina’s, I didn’t know what I’d do about the pregnancy. Abortion wasn’t really ever an option for me. I understood that some women chose that route, but it just wasn’t even something I considered. Maybe it was because of how I grew up, although the opposite makes more sense. But for me, I just knew how much I could love a child. Maybe it’s that love I missed for all those years that did it. I wanted to have my own baby and give him all the love in the world like growing up showered with it is normal. Like it’s the most normal thing in fact.
It should be.
Three quiet knocks sound on the door followed by a pause, then one more knock. Lev’s signal.
When I get up to undo the chain—although I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t keep anyone out who really wanted to get in—I breathe a sigh of relief to see Lev standing there in his signature leather jacket, hair flopping over his forehead, and his warm chocolate brown eyes smiling down at me.
I push into him, wrap my arms around his middle, and feel myself let go, at least a little. I inhale loudly, trying to stifle a sob.
He wraps his arms around me and walks me backward into the room.
“Hey.” With a finger under my chin, he tilts my face up to his. “I’m sorry I’m so late.” He pauses, studying me. “You okay?”
I nod. “I am now that you’re here.”
“Did something happen?” His expression changes. “Is Josh—”
“He’s fine.” I point toward the bed, and in the darkness, I know he can see Josh’s little form under the blanket in the middle of the bed. “Sleeping.”
“That’s good.” He closes the door and locks it, then takes my hand and looks me over again like he’s making sure I’m okay.
“Why were you gone so long?”
He looks at the desk where the two empty little bottles of vodka sit. Going to the minibar, he opens it, then takes out another one of vodka and two of whiskey. He sits on the big armchair by the window and draws me down onto his lap.