It doesn’t matter. It can’t matter. I’ll keep doing them because there are too many people who depend on me not shying away from making hard choices. Better that I bear the scars than stand by, unharmed, while innocents are victimized.
Innocents like Tink was when Peter first drew her in.
And that’s the kicker. I don’t want to hold Tink with a loose grasp the same way I have with relationships in my past. Fucking and fun is all I was ever down for, and every single person knew the score before they came to my bed. This is different. She is different. When I’m with her, I want to strip her down, clasp a collar around her throat, brand her ass—do whatever it takes to ensure she’ll never leave me.
I take a slow breath and remove my hand. I haven’t hurt her, but overwhelming her with my larger body is inexcusable.
A lot of shit I’ve done to get my ring on Tink’s finger is inexcusable.
Her mouth opens, and her brain finally seems to catch up with her emotions because she shuts it without firing back some additional impulsive threat. Finally. I sit back. “You are my wife. Your actions are an extension of mine. Threatening my people—our people—is out of the question.”
“You can’t trap me here.”
“What the fuck do you think is going to happen the second you walk out on the street? Peter got to you in Hades’s territory. How much more likely is he to get to you here, where he still has plenty of people who remember the good old days when he let them run rampant? Where those same people only remember you as the woman who belonged to him?” I want to shake her. “Think, Tink. Stop panicking because you realize you’re falling for me and get your head on straight.”
She sits up so fast, she almost smashes me in the face with her forehead. “I am not falling for you.”
Fuck, but this woman can drive me up the wall quicker than anyone else in existence. “I see,” I say evenly. “You feeling emotionally vulnerable after sucking my cock this morning has absolutely nothing to do with your erratic and dangerous behavior downstairs.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “I was not acting erratic or dangerous.”
“Yes, you were. You know the last person to threaten Edgar with a knife in what was supposed to be a safe space? Peter.” She flinches, but I keep going, drilling the point home. “He threatened the people who pledged their loyalty. He bullied and used his power to get what he wanted and let his every whim decide his actions.”
“Stop it,” she whispers. “I’m nothing like him.”
I don’t know why I expect her to include me in that, to set me apart from the man who terrorized her for four long years. I don’t know why it stings like a motherfucker that she doesn’t. “No, you’re not. He’s a monster.” Like me. “You’re in over your head and scared.” I have to get her to listen. Her safety and the success of my plan both hinge on her obeying me. “The people in this house, the people who are under our protection, don’t care about your motivations. All they care about are your actions.”
She inches back from me. “I hate you.”
Another sentence that strikes right to the heart of me. How the fuck can she not hate me after everything? I give her an arrogant grin to keep the truth buried deep—I don’t know if I can ever win Tink’s trust in any lasting way. “Try saying that with some conviction next time.” I have to get out of here. Fighting with Tink might be satisfying in a very particular kind of way, but I need to go undo the damage she just caused and keep Peter from doing damage of his own while I’m distracted with my new wife. He’ll be coming, and soon.
It’s certainly not because part of me is sure that I’ll turn around and find her staring at me with real fear in those big eyes. I climb to my feet. “I’m having your shit brought here as soon as we can manage it. Try not to burn down anything in the meantime. I’ll be back for dinner.”
“Dinner.” She looks at the large clock hanging just to the side of the cabinets in my kitchen. “It’s barely eight.”
“Yeah.”
“You said I was going to integrate with the household today.”
I’m holding onto my temper through sheer force of will. “You were, Tink. Right up until you threatened one of my people with a knife and created a mess that I have to go clean up. I’ll see you tonight.” I head for the elevator. I have to. Staying here will mean sitting down and talking through what the hell is going on in her head and … I want to know. I really, truly want to know. I want to ease her fears. To build trust. To make a whole list of promises I have no business making.