“Not particularly.”
Another of those long looks, and he nods, almost to himself. “I see.”
I’m terribly afraid that he does see. I open my mouth, but can’t quite find the words. What am I supposed to say? That as much as I get off on exploring all the strange corridors BDSM can take a person down, that part of me is always held in reserve? When I worked at the Underworld, it was easy to hold back that final piece. I was just an employee, after all. A professional submissive who rose to whatever occasion the schedule demanded. Yes, I played for fun, too, but it was different.
This is different.
There are no cameras in this room, no emergency button to push, no team of security people to rush in if things get out of hand. We have nothing but trust to keep us from going off the rails.
I don’t know if it’s enough.
“Tink.” Hook’s firm voice stills my thoughts. The intense look in his dark eyes stills them further. He waits for me to focus on him fully. “Would you rather I put the ropes away?”
A tiny, cowardly part of me wants to grab the escape he offers me with both hands. Easier to do that than take ownership of what I truly do want. It would be so much simpler if he steamrolled over me. I could pretend I didn’t really want exactly what he gave me. How am I supposed to keep fighting when he carefully extracts my desires and lays them before me?
I clear my throat. As much as I want to look away, I can’t quite manage it. “No, I don’t want you to put the ropes away.”
He doesn’t move. Doesn’t give me anywhere to hide. “You have nothing to prove.”
“That’s rich coming from you.” I shake my head. I hate that he keeps orchestrating emotional confessions. We haven’t even fucked yet, and I can’t deny the way he builds intimacy around us. I feel seen. It’s not comfortable, not even a little bit, but there’s a part of me that soaks up his attention like the roots of tree long thought dead from drought. “The ropes…” Fuck, why is this so hard? “Most other scenes, I say my safe word, it’s over immediately, you know? The action stops, the curtain comes down, then it’s just negotiating the little bit of fallout. This kind of thing … It can’t stop that quickly. Saying yes to this feels like saying yes to more.”
“Trust.” He speaks the word like it’s fine wine on his tongue. Like it’s me on his tongue. “It requires trust that I won’t take us too far.”
“Yes.”
He still hasn’t moved. “If you’re not ready for that …”
I could kiss him. I could definitely kill him.
I run my fingers through my hair, but the little movement does nothing to quell the growing feeling in my chest. “If I wasn’t ready for anything you can give me, I would haven’t just crawled across the floor and begged for your cock. You said a little fear is a good thing, so stop dicking around and give me that little bit of fear.” I have to look away to say the next part. I can’t handle what I might see in his eyes. “I trust you, okay? Don’t make a big deal out of it.”
His low chuckle has me glancing at his face, and I almost whimper with relief at what I see there. The vulnerability is gone, replaced by the arrogant asshole I’m more familiar with. “Very well.” He loops the rope carefully around my neck and begins.
I only manage to stay tense for the first five minutes or so. I don’t know what I expected, but he’s fully concentrated on his work, his big hands winding the rope around my body and creating careful twists that slowly bind me. There’s no rushing this process. Subspace creeps up on me somewhere around the point when he finishes the ladder down my torso, a row of perfectly neat twists that start on my upper chest and descend to my waist. He checks each one and the tension before moving to guide my arms behind my back.
Only then does he begin to speak, to slowly, devastatingly, draw me back into my body as he binds my arms together. “One day, I’ll do both arms and legs and add one careful knot right here.” He brushes his hand against my pussy, right over my clit. “Every time you struggle, it will grind that pretty little clit against the knot. How many times do you think you’ll come before I release you?”
I lick my lips. “Maybe I won’t struggle.”
“Yes, beautiful girl, you will.” He does something that cinches my arms together more firmly. It’s not uncomfortable, but Hook still checks in with me just like he has at every other point during this process.