No Tomorrow

“No… I’ll miss him like crazy if he leaves. I’ll be devastated.”

“Okay, so if he loves you, then why can’t he get a job? Then you guys can get an apartment and not be shacking up in a shed.” She lets out a laugh. “Shacked up in a shed!” she repeats, giggling.

I glare at her and fight back the tears of frustration burning my eyes. “It’s not funny. I’m going to talk to him about an apartment and see if I can ease him into it. I almost have enough money saved up for a deposit and furniture, and I have a few thousand saved for emergencies. I need another month or two.”

“And what if he says no? What are you going to do then?”

“I don’t know. I can’t think that far ahead.” If I let my brain wander that far, I get bombarded with a thousand what-if scenarios that I just can’t handle right now.

“Well, you might have to. I guess he could stay with me for a while, until you guys get it all figured out. I have that empty room in my apartment that I’m using for a closet, but it will seem like the Ritz to him after sleeping in a shed. If you say he’s trustworthy, I don’t mind if he stays there so you have a safe place to hang out. You can move in, too, if you want. I don’t mind at all.”

“That’s really sweet, but I doubt he’d go for it. I could ask him, though.”

“I would definitely try to talk to him. I’m not too keen on a homeless stranger living in my apartment, but I don’t like this fucking in a shed business at all. You are way better than that. Actually, I don’t like any of this, to be honest, but I’m trying to deal with it because I can see how into this guy you are.”

“I love him, Dee. I think he’s my soul mate,” I say softly. “I just felt this… connection to him the moment I saw him. And I’m pretty sure he felt it, too.”

“I don’t really believe in that shit. I believe in chemistry and things in common and great sex.”

“That’s because you’ve never felt it.”

She shrugs. “Maybe. What I’m feeling is that you better stop blowing me off to hide. You can’t just immerse yourself in him and let him take over your life. I’m going to expect us to go back to our Wednesday night dinners. He’s not going to die without you for a night.” She pulls back the comforter and fluffs up one of the pillows she’s lying on. “Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m freakin’ exhausted. I’m sleeping here with you.”

I fall asleep wondering how Evan will react to the suggestion of living with me, either at Ditra’s or in an apartment of our own, and I dream of us living in a cute yellow house with white shutters and a white picket fence with Acorn sitting on the porch with his penguin.

Chapter Nine

I’m not at all prepared for this meeting today. Actually, it’s not really a meeting; it’s my annual performance review. Every year near the end of the fourth quarter, I have to endure this awkward analysis of my skills, progress, attitude, team player-ness, growth, and goal completion status. The hardest part is having to fill out the self-analysis section of the paperwork that has to be turned into my manager and human resources. Doesn’t everyone rave about themselves and their accomplishments in hopes of getting a raise? Nobody is going to fill out that form detailing how much they’ve sucked for the past twelve months.

I would have been honest and admitted my less-than-stellar performance, though. That is if I had remembered to fill out the form. I probably would have outlined my decline in performance over the past few weeks.

But instead, I’m hearing it from my boss.

“You’ve completed all your yearly goals, and up until recently, your performance has been excellent. I have noticed, however, that for the past few weeks, you seem very distracted. You’ve come back late from lunch many times, you’ve suddenly had several sick days in a very short time, and at times, I’ve caught you staring off into space. The quality of your work isn’t suffering, but I’m concerned nonetheless. If you’re going through something and need to change your hours, or need to arrange for time off, I am more than happy to discuss it with HR.”

“Oh no, that’s not necessary. I apologize for all of that. I promise to do better. I’ve just had some personal things going on lately, and I’m so sorry I’ve let it affect me.”

“I’m wondering if perhaps you’re bored? You’ve been in the same position for several years, and I feel you’ve outgrown it. I believe your potential isn’t being fully explored in your current position.”