No Tomorrow

And more.

“Babe…” He leans down to meet my eyes. “Are you jealous?”

I glance over at Acorn playing with his ball. “No….”

He grins cockily at me. “You are.”

“I am not,” I say defensively.

“You’re the only one I’m involved with. I didn’t hang out with her. I came here to be with you. I don’t hook up with other women.”

“I hope not.”

“The ladybugs would get mad at me if I even thought about another chick. You think I want them to swarm on me and eat me?” He pulls me into his arms and kisses me as I laugh.

“That would be a horrible way to die,” I tease.

“Fuck yeah.”

As we leave the park to drive to the bagel place, a woman with her black lab waves at Blue. She’s not at all how I envisioned her. The woman in my mind was a sexy, young girl with dark hair, perfect makeup, tight jeans, and an unbuttoned coat revealing alluring cleavage. In reality, the woman is in her upper thirties and attractive in a very natural, no-makeup-needed way. Her hair is up in a messy ponytail. She’s wearing gray sweatpants, sneakers, and a big, puffy white jacket. A wedding band is clearly visible on her waving hand. When she smiles and waves hesitantly at me, I feel like an idiot for being jealous, insecure, and hallucinatory.

“Do you feel better today?” I ask in the car on the way to the café. When he doesn’t answer me, I glance away from the road to look him over. His hair is messier than usual, as if he forgot to brush it or run his fingers through it this morning. And when he walked up to me earlier in the park, I thought he had dark circles under his eyes.

“Yeah. Why?”

“Last night you said you felt sick. I think you had a migraine?”

He lights up a cigarette and lowers the car window a few inches, saying nothing further.

“Blue? Were you lying to me about not feeling well?”

“Why the hell would I lie to you?”

“I don’t know,” I reply, as a feeling of unease creeps over me. “You’re acting kinda weird. Like either you don’t remember it or you lied about it.”

“I’m acting weird? First, you think I’m fucking other women with tennis balls. Now you’re accusing me of lying to you.”

“I’m not accusing you. I also suggested maybe you don’t remember.”

“Why wouldn’t I remember last night?”

I pull into a parking spot outside the café and put the car in park with a frustrated and equally nervous sigh.

“Why are you getting so defensive?”

“I’m not. I just don’t get where this convo is going.”

Me either.

“Did something happen last night? Were you sick? Did you go somewhere? Was something wrong?” I reach for his hand and entwine our fingers. “Just talk to me.”

“I am talking to you. What the fuck is this interrogation for? I thought we were getting breakfast.”

“We are. I’m just confused.”

“About what?”

I blink at him, trying to sort my thoughts. He somehow turned us in a circle, and now I’m completely confused to the point where I feel like I’ve done something wrong.

“Let’s just forget it.” I force a smile. “I’m starving, and I’m sure you are, too. Let’s just get our bagels and coffee.”

Instead, he turns in the seat to face me. “Do you trust me, Piper?”

“Yes. As much as I can. I’ll admit it’s a little difficult sometimes because I don’t know where you are all day, or at night for that matter. We can’t call each other. You won’t meet my family. You don’t want to move in with me. You won’t commit to any sort of long-term relationship. You keep us in limbo. Always vague. So I guess it depends on what kind of trust. Do I think you’d purposely hurt me? No, I don’t.”

“I mean it when I say I love you. I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

“I know that. And I believe it.”

A small finch eating crumbs off the parking lot asphalt has caught his attention. Barely blinking, he watches the tiny bird with keen interest, and I wonder if it reminds him of his time with his aunt and her birds. Or maybe for him, it’s just a welcome distraction from this conversation.

“I get lost in my own head sometimes. The music, the words, sometimes they take over. Sometimes I can’t sleep for days, and I don’t eat. Then I get fucked up ‘cause I’m exhausted and hungry. I get headaches and I feel moody as shit, and it all fuckin’ dominos until I find a way to reset.” He tightens his fingers into mine. “I do better alone so I don’t drag people down with me. But now I’m kinda crazy about you, so I’m trying to make it work. I would’ve left as soon as it got cold out if I didn’t love being with you so much.”