No Tomorrow

My head reels, my vision blurs, and the doctor’s voice echoes around me. “That can’t be….” I shake my head slowly. “It must be a mistake. I’m on the pill. You gave it to me.”

“It’s not one hundred percent guaranteed, unfortunately. Have you been taking it every day?”

“Yes,” I reply, but that’s not exactly true. There were those nights when Blue asked me to stay in the shed with him, and we snuggled, and talked, and made love all night. When I finally went home the next day, I either forgot to take the pill or skipped it because I didn’t know what else to do.

I take the cup from the nurse and gulp the cold water, flooding my throat and stomach, hoping to wash this all away. There must be a way to undo this and make it not so.

I’m smart. I’m responsible. I’m not the kind of girl who gets pregnant. That happens to other girls who aren’t careful.

That’s you now, Piper. A cow who got used and thrown away with a dog and a baby.

I stare into my empty paper cup. “Actually… I think there may have been a few times I forgot to take it.”

“It has to be taken every day to be effective.” Dr. Green flips through her notes in my folder and then glances back to me. “I’m going to assume you weren’t using condoms at the time?”

I shake my head, humiliation thrumming through my veins like acid.

“H-how far along am I?” I ask.

“Looks like just about ten weeks. We’ll schedule an ultrasound in two weeks and you can see your baby. You’re welcome to bring the father.”

“We’re not together anymore.” I tremble uncontrollably and burst into choking tears. The nurse hands me a box of tissues and I balance it on my lap. “He left….”

“Piper, I’m very sorry to hear that.”

Ten weeks. It’s been eight weeks since Blue left. During that time, I’ve prowled every park and train station in a hundred-mile radius trying to find him, to no avail. He could be anywhere by now.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do….” I sob, blotting my eyes with the scratchy tissue. “I don’t even know where he is.”

Dr. Green hands me a business card and several pamphlets with photos of pregnant teens and babies on them. “We have a counselor on staff. I think it would be good for you to talk with her about your decisions and choices.”

The words ricochet between my ears. Decisions and choices.

Somehow, just like that, my quiet, boring, little life is gone forever.

Chapter Sixteen

“It’s nice to have you home for dinner. We’ve only seen you twice since you moved out,” my mom says from behind the platter of ziti and meatballs in the center of the table.

“I’ve been really busy with work, I told you I started my new position as marketing assistant last week.”

“That’s terrific. Do you like it?”

I nod and swallow my food. “Yes, it’s been great. I even have a small office now.”

“Did you get a raise?” Courtney asks. She’s changed in the past month, and appears older to me, and less innocent. Her black hair is much shorter now, and she’s started to wear more make-up. I wonder if she’s dating someone, but I don’t want to ask about that when I’m about to drop a bomb on my parents.

“Yes.” I wipe my mouth with my napkin. “I was given a small raise.”

I take a sip of my iced tea and breathe in a deep breath. “I need to tell you all something… just please don’t freak out.”

My father puts his fork down in preparation. I probably shouldn’t have started this conversation in those words, but I just want to get this over with and go back to my apartment.

“Use the Band-Aid approach,” Ditra had advised. “Don’t do it slow and easy. Just rip it off and come right out with it.”

“I’m pregnant. A little over three months.”

My mother’s face pales to a porcelain white, and next to her, my father’s jaw clenches and he shoves his plate away, knocking it into his glass of water, which tips and spills. Courtney’s eyes bug out and she looks from me, to our mother, to our father, and back to me again. Waiting for a response. Just like I am.

I lick my lips nervously. “I’m going to keep it,” I throw into the silence. “I’ve talked to a counselor already and that’s what I’ve decided is best.”

“Piper.” My mother’s eyes are glistening with tears. “How could you let this happen?”

“I knew it,” my father says gruffly. “I knew something like this was going to happen.”

“It was an accident. I was on the pill but I forgot to take it a few times. I didn’t realize I could get pregnant so fast.”

My father slams his fist down hard on the table and we all jump. “You forgot?” he yells. “You forgot you were ruining your entire Goddamn life?”